Hollee's Weight Loss Success Story ((in progress))

I feel like I was just celebrating the start to 2013, and I am here saying goodbye to it already.  I tend to think that how you spend your New Year's Eve night is how your year will go, so be sure to spend it wisely! I decided to go through my blog to see what I have done this year, the good, the bad, and the ugly all included.  I started just as a reminder to myself, but you all can join the journey.  And for those of you who are new readers, this will be a good catch-up for you! 2013   My last weigh in of 2012 was 284.2. January:  I began 2013 with 4 friends, their 'significant' others, and Robocop- the guy I started dating shortly before the new year.  It was a great night, mostly, but there was some turbulence along the way.  My baby cousin ended up being my first 2013 kiss (on the cheek) since her husband and Robocop disappeared to go make trouble. February:  Nothing too significant happened during February.  I...

I have so many things to tell you all, weight loss related and otherwise, that I don't even know where to start.  I apologize in advance if this blog seems scatter-brained because it will just be all over the place. First, my last post, I apologize if I worried anyone.  I was really not at all okay, but am doing better.  I prayed and have come to a conclusion about things, and am at peace with my decision. Christmas was nice... I was in a funk of course, so it was hard, but it was a nice day with my family.  I got a lot of really nice gifts, the food was good, and I absolutely did not over eat.  I did PB though, after eating a sugar free brownie that got stuck. I forgot how painful and violent a stuck episode can be. And guess what?  I came home from my parents' house to see 241.2 on the scale!!!  That's my lowest adult weight!!!  That means I lost weight over Thanksgiving AND Christmas this year.  I'm effing awesome, ha.  Lots of...

Merry Christmas blogger friends & family Today, for Christmas, I am asking for wisdom to make the right decision, and strength to follow through with it.  Monday I experienced a 'make it or break it' moment in my life, and I honestly don't know what to do.  I know what I WANT the outcome to be, but I don't know if it's possible, or right.  If what I WANT will only cause further hurt later on.  I hope I come to the right conclusion, even if it may not be what I want.  Sorry to be a little Debbie Downer, but I'm struggling and I have no one to talk to.  I can't let my parents know I'm not okay, so I am walking around with a smile on my face and aching inside.  The show must go on. Last Thursday when I had my fill, my PA was surprised that I wanted a tighter fill.  She said most of her patients want to be loosened right before Christmas.  My response was "Christmas isn't about food, it is about love and family".  I hope that I can...

My fill on Thursday was quite good.  My PA gave me 1.2CC, which is a real big girl fill.  On the fluoroscopy machine there was slight 'reflux' but I asked her to leave it like that because I wanted an aggressive fill.  She agreed as long as I promised to come back Friday if I had a PB episode.  I agreed, but no PBing here.  I can tell my band is tight, but at a good level. So my band is good, but I'm not. I ate to the point of feeling miserable TWICE yesterday, and this morning my weight was up.  Both times it was because my food was just too good to stop.  Damn it. First was the kid's meal from Boston Market:  turkey, spinach, and mashed sweet potatoes.  Granted, it could've been worse, it WAS a small portion and I could've made worse food choices.  Never the less, I ate far beyond the point of 'satisfaction'. Then, in the evening, I made Luka's Chicken Tortilla soup.  OMG...Delicious!  So delicious.  To the point...

Warning:  This post will be full of lovey dovey life happenings and likely have next to nothing to do with weight loss or my band.... Oh goodness.... You know it was a good night when at the time the bathroom floor seems like the most comfortable place to sleep.  That was me, last night. I threw together a little get together since my baby cousin is in town from New York.  It was last minute and I knew it would be a smaller than usual crowd because quite a few friends were traveling for the holidays, but I wanted to do something.  I invited Mr. Banker, and casually let him know there would be family in attendance and he said he'd come.  I was kind of surprised but since he didn't make it a big deal, I didn't either. My good friend from high school and her boyfriend were the first to arrive, right on time.  Mr. Banker arrived next with 3 wrapped Christmas presents that he placed under my tree and one that was unwrapped because he wanted me to ha...

  Welcome to another edition of Flashback Friday #fff July 23, 2011 Sometimes it is really hard for me to get my eyes and my brain to talk to each other.   When I look into the mirror, I see that girl pictured above. Then I scroll down this page and see that photo I took in the mirror earlier this week, and I'm like "Holy shit Hollee, you lost 100 pounds.  Why can't you see it?" I honestly don't know the answer to that.  I wish I did. I struggle with this every day.  I take tons of pictures because I NEED to so that I can see the difference losing 100 pounds has made.

1.  Good morning everyone!  Life is great... I have felt so happy and cheerful lately!  I don't know if life is just great or if it's the holidays or the antidepressant, but I hope this feeling continues.  I can't remember the last time I had such a positive and clear outlook on things. 2. It's fill day...again.  I weighed myself this morning and the scale hasn't budged since my fill 2 weeks ago....still steady at 247.  I think my PA will be slightly disappointed, but I can't say I am.  The holidays are a really difficult time to try to lose weight, but I'm going to keep trying. 3. I haven't written anything about it but for about 2 months I've been trying to help Mr. Banker get a new job.  I started by re-imaging his resume, and then we applied to 4 banks online together.  I told him not to get his hopes up because in my experience, out of 100 jobs, I might get 5 interviews.  But, he has gotten responses/interviews from every ...

I can't imagine being happier than I am right now.  I know it's possible, but I can't imagine it at this moment. As if I haven't already been over the freaking moon because of how good things have been with Mr. Banker, I got the best surprise last night!!!! Yesterday I went to meet a friend at the mall.  Honestly I was tired but went anyway.  When I got there, instead of the friend I was supposed to meet, I was met with an awesome surprise.  My baby cousin who now lives in NY is visiting and the stinker kept it a secret from everyone.  I swear it made my whole week the moment I saw her.  I haven't seen her since June and we were actually in a little fight when she left NC, so it was completely unexpected.  I'm so excited she is here this week and that I'm going to get to spend some time with her!!  Just wanted to gush over how happy I am.  If you all could just see how lit up I am right now with the biggest smile on my face!

I have always loved Christmas.  I'm the kind of girl who for as long as I can remember, started dreaming of Santa Claus and Sugar Plum Fairies in September each year.  I love the music, the decorations, the joy I feel, seeing family, and of course the food.  I used to dedicate a whole day to baking the week before Christmas. Chocolate covered peanut butter balls. No bake chocolate oatmeal cookies. Coffee cakes. Pumpkin bread.  Strawberry bread. Pecan sandies. Peanut butter cookies. Every kind of pie you can think of. But last year I decided to break this tradition.  I did make a few things, and gave them as gifts to Robocop, my dad, and a couple of friends, but I didn't go all out.  This year I have pretty much decided I wont do it at all.  Mr. Banker isn't a fan of sweets and now that my mom has diabetes I feel guilty bringing anything like that home to them.  BUT... here's my problem.  I'm trying really hard to give up cof...

Now, before you all freak out, no, I haven't had surgery in the last 3 days since I wrote and gotten my band removed.  Nor am I currently considering it. But seriously, the last 2 months, I feel like there is no longer a band in my body.  Now, before you all suggest I've slipped or that I need a fill, I've been seeing my WLS PA every other week since October.  My band looks perfect under fluoroscopy and I've been getting adjusted regularly and staying as tight as my PA will allow. But here I am, able to eat much more that I feel I should.  And it's not even a matter of "I can but I shouldn't because I'm not really hungry".  If I eat the portion I think I should eat (about 1.5 cups), I'm still sitting there starved.  And I'm eating almost strictly protein for the first cup of food. Where has my lap band gone?? I'm glad I haven't PB'd in months, but it would also be nice if I didn't feel like I could eat a hors...

 Happy Weekend Everyone!   I haven't had an NSV post in a while.  I'm not sure if it's because the weight loss has slowed (damn near stopped), or if I've stopped paying attention to life because I've been so busy looking at the scale, but this week I had TWO NSVs occur to me and I wanted to share!   1.   I bought this dress last year on Christmas Eve at Ross for $9.  It's a regular size L backless lace dress. I've waited quite some time to wear it, because I don't want to be "that girl" in the club that has rolls hanging out everywhere.  Feeling comfortable in my clothes is essential to having a good time for me.  So last night I put this on, and it finally fit in a way that I felt like I could strut my stuff in public without feeling self-conscious.    I can't wear a normal or even strapless bra with this since it is almost backless all the way down to my butt.  Now, my boobs are pretty perky even after losing...

1.  I have every excuse in the book about why I haven't been exercising.  My favorite is "it's too cold".  They're all BULL SHIT. 2.  It's fill day, again.  Yes, I am seeing her every 2 weeks right now.  And it's working, so I'm going to keep doing that until either I get to goal or my band is as tight as it will go! 3.  I really dislike afternoon fill appointments.  It makes that 24-hours of liquid dieting seem so much longer.  It's easier when I get a fill in the morning so that by the next morning I can wake up and have yogurt. 4.  I'm really happy lately.  I like this trend. 5.  Mr. Banker seems happier too.  I still wish he'd get in to see a therapist, to help him figure some things out, but at least he's on an upward trend.  And he really loves the gifts... last night he guessed one of them, because he's figured out that many of the gifts have some kind of significance to us, and things we have done toge...

For those of you who have been following me for a while, you already know that I switched jobs in August, and at the beginning, I was struggling with that decision quite a bit.  I stopped talking about it and decided it was time to just decide to be happy.  After all, I believe happiness is 50% choice. Unfortunately, although I've decided to be happy, I think I am still mourning my old job.  My old mentor.  My old work family.  My old learning opportunities.  Everything. The people at this new company are nice.  They make being here bearable.  But I miss LEARNING.  I love to learn.  I love to feel like I'm growing personally.  And I just am not getting that in my current opportunity. Today, I needed to get out of the office and went to the mall.  I ran into two old coworkers, and seeing them just made me feel "home".  My old company was my family, it wasn't just a place to work.  Seeing them, these two people th...

  Wednesday's Weight: 247.2 Today's Weight: 247.0 How the hell did I NOT gain?!   On Thanksgiving, I did great during the meal.  But it's the leftovers that killed me! I may have had 2 pieces of Red Velvet Cheesecake for dinner at 8pm Thursday night. Oops.  Slap my wrist now.  Bad Bander. Oh well, it's a new day. And what a wonderful day it was. I woke up early this morning, too early.  I was excited that I'd be seeing Mr. Banker today, so I couldn't sleep in like I would have liked to. Mr. Banker had to work this morning, but came over right after work.  While home for Thanksgiving, I had my dad cut down some mistletoe for me and I carefully placed it above my front door.  Mr. Banker and I walked through the door together several times today, so I got plenty of extra smooches. I had made lunch, you know what they say...the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.  I made my grandmother's chicken pie, gr...

  Well....this might be a really bad idea, but I've decided that a pre-Thanksgiving weigh in might help to keep me accountable over the holiday. While at my parents' house, I will not have a scale though, which scares the crap out of me! So, I'll weigh in over the weekend when I return and let you all know how it goes. Also, this is not my lowest weight since surgery, I'm about 5 pounds away from that.  HOWEVER, this is definitely the lowest number I've seen in 2 months, so I'm happy. 3 or 4 weeks ago I literally saw 260.2 one morning and thought I was going to die. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Do your best to chew slowly, enjoy what you eat, but don't over eat! :)

Hope you all have had a great weekend!  Mine has been awesome :)  Lots of doing nothing with a couple of short runs thrown in, which is exactly what I needed. Friday morning, I had a text conversation that really touched my heart.  Mr. Banker apologized for how he has treated me during this time that he's been depressed and said that I'm the last person who deserves to receive the bad end of it.  That meant a lot to me, not only was he apologizing, but also acknowledging that I really do a lot for him.  It didn't stop there though, he made sure to call me on his lunch break and say it again, so that I could hear him say it.  I love that.  I have always loved how well he communicates.  Yes, sometimes he shuts down and doesn't say anything.  But when he does speak, I trust what he's saying.  He never apologizes just to pacify me, so from him, I know an apology is genuine. So after work Friday night, he came over to stay the night. ...

1. I got another fill this morning: 8.3 CC in my 10 CC band.  I was disappointed she only had me losing 3 pounds since I saw her 2 weeks ago, my scale said MUCH more, but I'll get over it.  It's a loss, hooray. 2.  Insurance sucks right now.  I don't want any political talk, but seriously, I'm so frustrated right now and don't know what to do!  My work insurance went up about $50 a month.  That isn't going to break me or anything...the problem is that the benefits associated with it went WAY DOWN.  The deductible doubled, cost to see a specialist doubled, maximum out of pocket doubled.  So yeah, I'm looking elsewhere for insurance.  I believe I found the plan I'm going to go with, just a little nervous about doing something different. 3.  I feel so inadequate at times. 4.  I have therapy today.  This should be great fun (sarcasm here) because I have some negative feelings right now about #3. 5.  I had really horrif...

Hey everyone! Tomorrow is 2 weeks since I started the anti-depressant Effexor XR.  A lot has been going on, but some of the things, I just haven't wanted to talk about.  Am I feeling better?  Hell yes.  Have I lost weight?  Yep!  Am I where I want to be?  No, on both the 'feeling better' and 'weight loss' fronts. So, yes, the Effexor has helped my mood, but I'm on such a low dose, I think I could be doing better on a higher one.  Unfortunately, my PCP asked me to wait until the first week of December to increase my dose.  Trust me, I'll be calling her office for that prescription ASAP. A part of my lingering funk is that Mr. Banker is still a little down, and it rubs off on me.  I care about his well-being in a way that I haven't cared for someone in so long.  I love him.  I don't understand how love can be absolutely freaking amazing and still suck at the same time.  It's this decision to give someone your heart and...

Hi Guys! It's been a while since I've had an NSV post. Yesterday I went shopping and bought these size 14 skinny jeans at Lane Bryant.  Yes, I do still shop there from time to time.  Now, the NSV part of this is that at 344, I never wore skinny jeans, because they just never fit right.  So here's to my first pair of skinny jeans, to go with my brand new UNC booties :) What's even better is that this $59.99 pair of jeans rang up for $6.49.  Why?  The salesgirl could not figure it out.  I was going to buy as many more pairs as I could find in size 14, but the other 14's did not ring up at that price, so I just got this pair. My weight loss is going better.  Once I hit that "lowest weight since surgery" number I will start my weekly weigh-ins again.  I'm getting close.

By that I mean my mood is UP and the scale is DOWN!!! YES!  Can I get a high five? lol I'm feeling good.  I don't know if the circumstances are just suddenly better or if the tiny dose of Effexor I'm on has taken effect, but I feel very good the last couple of days.  I haven't felt this good in a couple of months.  I am not 100% adjusted to the antidepressant, but I have started taking it at 4pm, so the worst of my side effects happen during my sleeping hours so it's bearable.  I've worken up at 4:30am nauseas, and so tired the last few days, but it is gone by the time I start work. Things seem so much better with Mr. Banker.  Maybe things were never actually as bad as I perceived them.  Either way, I missed this feeling--the ease of it and the happiness I feel just hearing his voice. Tonight he said "I love your body" as a response to a picture I sent him.  I needed that validation that he is physically attracted to me.  It made me fee...

I'm not sure if it's possible that my antidepressant could be having an effect already (day 4), or if it was just a good day, but I'm feeling very positive today. Woke up and my scale looked to be going in the right direction.  I didn't take my antidepressant right away because I was going my friend's son's first birthday party and didn't want to feel horrible for it.  I waited until 5:30pm to take it so I really got to enjoy the day without nausea or feeling extremely tired. The party was really good and I felt pretty for the first time in a LONG while.  I'm thankful to finally have had a good day.  It's the first completely positive day I've had in longer than I can remember. Just me before the party. I didn't want to post photos of the party (with the baby) without my friend's permission, so you'll just have to deal with my vain selfie. Thank you to all of you for continuing to read and support me through t...

Ever heard "It will get worse before it gets better"?? Well, that's exactly what it feels like to take antidepressants. When I took antidepressants for a 3-month period in 2011, the beginning was horrific.  My PCP accidentally prescribed a very high dose (150 mg) instead of the starting dose (37.5 mg).  She told me she was putting me on the starting dose so I pushed forward and made it through those two weeks of hell to the other side and never checked the bottle to make sure I had the right dose.  I can only describe what I felt like was a living zombie.  I went to work and could do nothing but stare at the screen, in the moments I could keep my eyes open.  I slept A LOT for two weeks.  But then I came out on the other side so much better.  I joke that it was the quick, difficult way, to find the effective dosage for me. So Thursday when I got prescribed 37.5 mg of Effexor XR, I was sure to check the dose on the bottle.  It was, in fact, th...

 I had a really good appointment with my WLS PA this morning.  I know I just saw her 2 weeks ago, but I am going crazy with hunger and haven't lost a pound.  In fact, this morning I weighed 255.2 on the official scale.  WRONG DIRECTION HOLLEE!!! My PA- Erica- sat me down and explained that after extreme weight loss, the body can start to produce an excess amount of Ghrelin. I suspect many of you know what Ghrelin is... I was introduced to the word in my pre-op nutrition class, but in case you dont:  Ghrelin is a hunger hormone.  Your body produces it to tell you that you're hungry. So I've lost all this weight, and basically my body is freaking the fuck out.  My fat cells are like "Oh my gosh, where did that 90+ pounds go?!  We need it back!" The good news is that Erica says this typically doesn't last more than 3-6 months.  Erica tightened my band again- I now have 7.8CC so please cross your fingers this is going to be the adjustment I...

Today I had my first therapy session. I have been to therapy once before, but it was very different. I was there for grief and depression related to my ex, so I knew exactly what to talk about to get to what I needed to work on. This time, with general depression, I had no clue where to start.  So we talked about a wide range of things. Some things I hadn't thought of in probably ten years. Without summarizing the whole visit, the therapist did make mention that I only smiled three times- talking about my dog, my sisters, and Mr. Banker. It was a pretty good session. So I have three more weeks of free therapy to try to work through the dark fog in my mind. And, with the therapist's full support, I am going to my general practitioner tomorrow for anti-depressants. I took them once before and they made all the difference. FYI, for those of you on anti-depressants, Effexor XR is known to promote weight loss. Many others cause weight gain. My only problem is that I'm absolutely...

Completely not Weight Loss related in any way, but... I have mentioned it before, but I really do have some very good friends.  I don't see all of them all the time, or even talk to some of them on a frequent basis, but every now and again, they will pop up and remind me that they care.    Over the last 24 hours I had three friends pop up with random acts of kindness, and I really needed that right now. Thank you Sara, Rebecca, and Keli. This week is my friend Sara's birthday.  I try to wish my friends a 'happy birthday week' at the beginning of each birthday week.  I do this because I want them to know I'm thinking of them...to know that I am not doing it because my phone calendar or facebook reminded me, but because I remembered them.  So I wished Sara Happy Birthday Week and later in the evening she wrote a public post on facebook to thank me for thinking of her.  This was a simple thing to do, but it reminded me that people are sometimes...

Has everyone see THIS STORY about the woman in North Dakota who has decided she's only giving candy to the kids she deems a 'healthy weight' and the 'obese' kids will get letters regarding their problem? I can't cover everything wrong with this in the 5 minutes I have on my break at work, but this PISSED ME OFF! First, who gives this woman the right to decide who 'deserves' candy and who doesn't?  I'm pretty sure she wont have her BMI calculator handy either. Isn't candy equally unhealthy for the kids who are 'acceptable' weights? Do you really think your letter is going to make the kids feel any better? I'm pretty sure if I was that obese kid that got a "You're fat" letter, I would just go home and eat the candy I got from the rest of my neighbors, to smother my hurt feelings. Lady, you're ridiculous.

They say the first step to getting better is admitting there is a problem. So I'm admitting there's a problem. Things aren't good in my head right now.  I can't really talk about it on here what is wrong, because I can't really put my finger on it.  I know it has a lot to do with my ex, Mr. Banker, my negative body image, and lack of support from friends lately. Today I looked up the number to my EAP (Employee Assistance Program) which will provide 4-5 free counseling sessions. It's a good start. On the weight loss front, I was on 90% liquid protein yesterday, and only brought protein shakes and a Greek yogurt to work today, so I'm trying to make changes in my diet as well.

I'm feeling discouraged. About everything really.  But definitely about my weight loss. I've bounced between 245-255 up and down for 3 months.  Yes, I know I've still lost 90+ pounds, but I still have so far to go.  I don't feel like I'm making bad food choices.  I know I haven't exercised as much as I should, but I started running again last week.  And still, I saw an EVEN HIGHER number this morning.  I was not at all happy with it. I even spent several hours researching corrective bariatric surgery on Saturday.  I don't know what to do. I think I'm going to go strict liquid protein diet for a few weeks and see how that goes to give me a "restart".  My fills just don't seem to give me the same "restriction" anymore.  I eat the amount of food I am supposed to eat, and I just don't feel "full" anymore.  I have to eat much more to not feel hunger, and that is discouraging. My band hasn't slipped.  I'v...

  Sorry bloggers, but please forgive me, I lied to you all. Thursday I said A didn't have birthday plans, but we had a "surprise" birthday dinner for her last night. Unfortunately I am the worst liar on the planet, and A wasn't the least bit surprised. E, Me, A, K, and OP  We went to a nice little Italian restaurant - Brio. This is the children's portion of Chicken Parmigana: Let me tell you all again how much I LOVE using my WLS card to order from the children's menu. That was supposed to be gluten free pasta, but I'm not convinced it was.  I had a few small bites of the pasta and wasn't feeling that great so I stuck to the chicken.  I ate two of those chicken tenders and was STUFFED! I'm getting concerned about my level of restriction.  I have 6.3 CC in my band.  I just really want to feel the restriction that I did in the beginning, but I don't. On Thursday, my PA Erica told me that after about a year some p...

That should be a thing.... #flashbackfatfriday  ...someone start it lol... So, it can be easy to forget how far you've come.  I'm good at it.  I'm good at focusing on the 50 pounds I have left to lose and forgetting the 100 I've worked so hard to get off.  So today I took a trip down memory lane. And I realized I really am smaller than I have been in over 10 years.  Want some proof? September 2007 College Best friends Jamison and Garrett December 2007 With Best friend  March 2008 Holding the Hollywood Sign September 2009 The night I thought OP was going to die of alocohol poisoning July 2010 Bridesmaid at Lo's wedding September 2011 Foreign exchange sisters <3 April 2012 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm going to spend the rest of the day celebrating the success and progress I've had so far, and kick this extra 50 p...

1.  Happy Birthday week to one of my dearest friends, A :) She is kind of boycotting her birthday this year, which sucks, but since we're not doing anything, I wanted to give her a special shout on my blog, and hope she reads! Happy Birthday A <3 2.  Why does Denny's always look so effing good on my drive from the Weight Loss Surgery clinic?  I swear, I pass a Denny's several other times a week, and never want it.  But it always looks SOOOO damn good after I've just gotten an adjustment and am not supposed to eat solid food for 24 hours. 3.  I saw my PA this morning and she reluctantly gave me a +0.5 CC fill, which puts me up to 6.3 CC total.  She says I'm really tight and requested I do liquids for 48 hours instead this time because I am REALLY tight.  Hopefully this is the adjustment I need to get me where I need to be to get off this plateau. 4.  Weight this morning was 254.4.  No change. 5.  I finally got off my as...