Thursday, January 31, 2013

Official Weigh In + Adjustment

Although it had only been 3 weeks since my last adjustment, my band didn't feel as tight as I'd like, so I went in today for a fill.  My PA is always very happy with my progress which makes me feel really great.

Today's "official" weight: 277 pounds
Total Loss: 67 pounds

She gave me a pretty agressive fill.  I started today with 5.2 cc's and ended up with 6.3 cc's total in a 10 cc band.  She was going to try for a bit tighter, but when she gave me more saline, I drank the Barium and she could see a little reflux on the fluoroscopy machine. 

I told her that I'm trying to lose 15 pounds before my trip in March, so she agreed to make my appointment for only 3 weeks out again.  I asked her if she ever has patients whose bands are full (10 cc's) and they haven't finished losing weight.  She said it does happen, but pretty rare and that most patients top out between 5-7 cc's.  Now I'm afraid of needing more than 10 before I get to my goal!  I still have 78 pounds to lose to get to my 'first goal'...

So, for anyone who struggles with what to "eat" on the day of an adjustment, here's Today's Menu:

Breakfast: Horizon's Organic Chocolate Milk (150 cal, 8g protein)
Snack: Chobani Black Cherry Greek Yogurt (140 cal, 14g protein)
Lunch: Myoplex Lite EAS Shake (170 calories, 20 g protein)
Dinner: Campbell's Select Harvest Tomato Basil Soup (180 cal, 4 g protein)

Total Calories: 640 Calories
Total Protein: 46 g

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Let's talk about plastic surgery...

These last few months... I've done a lot of thinking about brachioplasties and lower body lifts.  I have no idea whether or not I will need them, but I have a sneaky suspicion I might.  My stomach already looks like it is 'frowning' or 'deflated'.  I guess that is exactly what it is, deflated.  All the fat that used to be in there is gone (well not all, but a lot), so I look like a balloon that has lost it's air.

In general, I've never believed in plastic surgery.  I always thought it reinforces society's ridiculous standards of beauty (young, thin, white, etc.).  Why have a face lift to hide your age, because it also hides the ability to show emotions the way you normally would?  Why have a nose job to change your nose when your children (if you have them) have a 50/50 chance of sharing the nose you were born with?  Why have breast implants when it will reduce your sensation?

So does it make me a hypocrite to think it is okay to have plastic surgery in cases of breast cancer or weight loss?  I didn't think so.  Until I read this article .... Reading that, a part of me is inspired by her confidence, but another part is terrified because I know I wouldn't feel the same. 

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Health vs. vanity

Being 100% honest, I didn't have this surgery for vanity reasons. I was terrified of what my health would be if I didn't. All of my blood tests were normal prior to surgery, but I knew that wouldn't last forever. My grandmother died when I was 14 at the age of 68. The cause of death was a "staff infection" according to her death certificate, but truthfully her obesity killed her. I never remember her being able to walk. She was too heavy. She spent the last years of her life in the hospital after multiple heart attacks. I loved her so much, but I was terrified of becoming her.

But now that I'm half way to my goal, the vanity reasons have started to kick in. I was always a fairly confident big girl. Of course I had my moments, but men never stopped showing interest and I guess I used that as validation that my weight problem wasn't "so bad". It's not that I don't think looking better is a valid reason to have the surgery, it was just never my concern in the beginning.

Lately I've started thinking about what it will be like to date as a skinny person. The truth is, I am scared it won't be any better. I'm scared I will still meet the wrong men who want to date me for the wrong reasons.

About a year ago, a friend said something to me that was very offensive. I know she didn't mean to offend. She said when I lost weight I'd meet better guys. I will still be the same person on the inside afterward, just in a different package. Why shouldn't I deserve to meet a good man now?

Just some frustrated, unable to sleep ramblings.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Weigh in Wednesday + Updates

Happy Wednesday!  Half way to the weekend!
Unfortunately this week, I do not have good weigh in news.  This morning I am weighing in at 281 (that's 2.6 pound gain from last week) even though I spent 4 days in the last week on a straight protein shake diet.  Regardless of the gain, I am still rocking these size 16 jeans (pictured below).
I'm not discouraged, this fluxuation is actually kind of normal for me, although my Weigh in Wednesday reports haven't revealed it before.  Normally, what happens is right after a fill, my weight drops 4-5 pounds, then a few days later is back up and slowly creeps back down by the next adjustment.  This is odd to me, but it has been pretty consistent every fill.  Hopefully it will hurry up and creep back down, because I've scheduled my adjustment a week early for next Thursday.  I have decided instead of having 2 fills every 4 weeks before my trip (March 19), I can squeeze 3 in somehow.  I want to lose as much weight as possible before my foreign exchange sister's wedding.  This is likely the last time she sees me until I get married...and at the rate my love life is going- that could be never!  I also got a dress for her wedding in size 14 and I'm PRAYING it will fit by March!
Good news though... I think my hair has stopped falling out!  A couple of weeks ago I noticed I wasn't losing as much hair when I comb it after I shower.  I put off saying anything to anyone because I didn't want to jinx myself, but now I've noticed I'm starting to have baby hairs in the top of my head at my roots, so this is a good sign of regrowth!  I'm so relieved!  The idea of losing my hair was such a stress to me because I have always been known for my long hair and it wasn't particularly thick before so I couldn't afford to lose it! 
Everything related to weight loss/surgery seems to be going relatively well, but I'm getting a little tired of eating the same things alllllllllllllllllllll the time!  I read Egg Face but there is nothing on there I ever REALLY want to make...although she does have some great ideas and I encourage you to check her out if you haven't already.  I guess I am just not excited about food anymore.  A lot of days I don't have a taste for anything (Except Japanese! lol) and I just eat something because I have to.  My calorie intake is pretty indicitive of not wanting to eat- the last week I haven't gone over 800 calories. 
Any suggestions on easy/delicious/low calorie/high protein meals would be much appreciated! Gosh I feel high maintenence asking for so many different things in one meal!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013


I think it might be time to buy new slacks....

Today I had a meeting at work so I decided to dress up a bit. Usually jeans are okay around the office, so I hadn't worn any dress pants in quite some time.

I bought this pair of dress pants the week I started my job a little over two years ago and they were so tight it was uncomfortable. And I only continued to gain weight in the next year and a half, so I imagine these pants probably did not fit prior to surgery.

Well they didn't fit today either, but in the opposite way. It's a good problem to have!

In other news, I went shopping on my lunch break. Jeans were on sale and there was a nice pair of 16s so I tried them on to see how close I was to wearing them. They buttoned! They're tight, but I bought them anyway because soon they'll be comfy. I have officially dropped 10 pants sizes in 4 months.

This surgery has been the best decision of my life!

Sunday, January 20, 2013 port!

Anyone's port hurt randomly?

Oh my goodness it is aching. I worked out quite a bit today and now pretty much any movement sends a sharp pain to my port! Yikes!

I assume this is normal but it hasn't happened to me before... It was sore one time before but never like this!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Thank you!

I already weighed this week (4 pounds down since Thursday woot woot!) so I wanted to take a moment to say a big


You all have been such a huge encouragement to me throughout the last 2 months.  I'm so glad that I started my blog.  Every week someone tells me I inspire them, and that makes me push forward even more.  And more recently, your words of encouragement this week have been so comforting.  Funny how this group of strangers keeps me feeling so strong!

Much love <3

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Dumped. Via Facebook. While I was at work.

I apologize that this is Non-WLS related (98% anyway) but I needed to put my thoughts out there.  I wont be offended if you don't want to read about my personal life.

On April 16, 2010 I met Max Brutus and soon after, fell in love.  I thought it was perfect.  I was happier than I'd ever been.  On August 16, 2011 everything that had made me happy in that prior year was exposed as a lie when I went to his apartment and met his wife, and found out about his son he'd also forgotten to mention.  Surprise! 

I never quite recovered from that.  My heart was truly broken and I had to take anti-depressants for a few months to get myself to a place where I could focus on my life and work, and find some sense of normalcy again.  Needless to say, dating wasn't easy either.  I dated but most guys never made it past the first date.

So when I met Robocop (as my friend affectionately refers to him) in the end of last year, I was surprised at how easy it was to open up to him.  Everything was perfect.  Although we only dated a short time, I was truly happy and I felt like I had finally found someone who was healing the hole Max left more than a year prior.  I knew that since Robocop was divorced and had 3 children, I needed to know early on whether or not he was open to having more because that is a huge criteria for me.  I'm only 24.  I have a great career, I'm a homeowner, everything in my life is in order so that I'm ready for that next step-marriage and kids.  So we discussed it and he told me he would like to have another child but would have to have his vasectomy reversed.  We had this conversation on more than one occasion.

Last Wednesday, something negative happened in our relationship but Robocop and I both agreed that we wanted to work things out and it wasn't worth ending things over since there was no one to blame.  Then Friday he started to seem distant and didn't communicate with me at ALL on Saturday.  Sunday communication was limited so I knew what was coming. 

Monday morning I get to work and get a FACEBOOK MESSAGE letting me know that after some time to think about what happened, he isn't sure he wants to work things out.  And he has come to terms with the fact that he does not actually want to have more children. 

I feel really sad... I feel mislead... I feel like I invested so much in this guy and am blindsided that this happened.  It sucks because it took me a year and a half to find someone I even wanted a second date with.

A part of me feels like the kids thing was a cop out.  And I can't help but wonder if other things factored my lap band.  I know he had a problem with it.  He wouldn't directly say it but little things he said told me he did.  He always made remarks about how I don't eat.  And last week we were talking about Halloween and he was making suggestions on what I should dress up as this year.  It occurred to me that I have no idea what I will look like by Halloween and I expressed that.  He responded that he hopes I don't lose anymore, or not much.  I let him know that's not an option.  By Halloween it is very likely that I will be at my goal weight or at least VERY close.

Can't help but wonder if my Lap Band factored into this decision for him.

Monday, January 14, 2013

I know it's not Wednesday....


I had a really terrible, horrible, stressful weekend. So I thought I'd post something good.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Adjustment + Weigh In + NSV :)

09/07/2012 Pre-Op Appointment Weight:  344.0

12/13/2012 Adjustment Weight:  290.0

Today's Adjustment Weight:  282.5

Total Loss: 61.5 pounds!!!!!!

Well, my PA who does my adjustments was pleased that I lost 7.5 pounds over the holidays.  And, small non-scale victory...since I've lost weight and have less stomach fat, they've switched to using the 2 inch needle (as opposed to that 3.5 inch needle)!  Yeah!

Side Note:  If you have a problem with needles, this is likely not the Weight Loss Surgery for you. 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Has Anyone Ever Asked you.......?

First and foremost... I totally forgot to weigh myself this morning because I was in a hurry, but I will give you all a weight update tomorrow after I get my adjustment, since my surgeon will take my "official" weight anyway.

So... my question:  Has anyone ever asked you if you had Weight Loss Surgery?

A strange thing happened to me yesterday at work. 

The team I work with does two non-work related things VERY well: "make food and get pregnant" (in the words of my pregnant co-worker yesterday).  So we had our quarterly birthday bash at work.  Luckily it was a dip party, where everyone brought various dips: Mexican Cheese, Red Pepper Pecan, Spinach, Lemon Poppyseed, Peanut Butter cinnamon greek yogurt dip, Funfetti cake dip, Chocolate Fondue...just to name a few.

Let's just say, I was stuffed! 

After eating, one of my coworkers came to me at my desk and flat out asked if I had Lap Band surgery.  I was totally shocked.  I thought maybe she had overheard me talking to someone, because 3 of my coworkers do know, or that maybe someone had gossiped, but when I asked her how she knew, she said "Well, you have obviously lost a lot of weight, and we eat as a group often and you never eat much now, so I just assumed."

I was surprised to be asked like that, but strangely not bothered.  At least it means someone is noticing I'm losing weight!  haha

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Looking forward....

I was just thinking about things I'm looking forward to in the near future....

Seeing my favorite band SHINY TOY GUNS twice in February...and the fact that the next time I have photos made with them, I will be quite a bit lighter than I was in November when I saw them. At the show on November 4, I had only lost about 30 pounds.  My new pictures with the band should be off the charts compared to the last ones.

BUT....the other thing I am REALLY looking forward to.... is fitting into an airplane seat more comfortably.  I love to travel, but the seats have just not been comfortable for me for a very long time.  I can't remember the last time I flew without having to ask for a seatbelt extender. 

In March, I will be taking a trip to London/Germany for a wedding.  That is a LONG flight to be uncomfortable.  Not to mention, the last time I saw my friend in Germany, I weighed 344 pounds.  Yes, I just said it.  That was my starting weight.  I can't wait to see her face when she sees me!  Although she has seen photos of me on facebook, it's never quite the same as seeing someone who has transformed their body in person.

Although I HATE powdered Whey protein, I am planning to pack some so that I will have meal options.  I know that when I was in Germany 9 years ago, the meals were very carb heavy.  I thought I'll also have my band tightened right before I go (saves money and keeps me on track haha).  Anyone else have any post-lap band traveling advice?

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Happy 2013/Weigh in Wednesday


As far as Weigh in Wednesday goes, I haven't a lot to report.  I have maintained since my last weigh in and am still at 60.2 total pounds lost.  I won't complain considering during the time since I last weighed, I celebrated Christmas with too much food and New Year with too much alcohol, so maintaining isn't the worst thing that could've happened.

The New Year began great.  I went out for dinner with some friends at a Japanese Grill on New Year's Eve.  When I asked to order off of the Children's menu, the waitress first said no, so I decided I'd play the surgery card.  Her response was that if I'd had WLS I should carry a card with me to show when ordering off the children's menu.  Has anyone else been told this?  Odd.  Anyway, she let me order this one time without a card, and my bill was $6.50 and still had plenty of leftovers for at least 2 more meals.  The best part is that the same meal would've cost me $20 had I not gotten the kid's portion.  Guess I will email my surgeon's office or wait until I go in for my adjustment next week.

After dinner I went to a hotel event/party.  There was a group of 10 of us, including the guy I have been seeing since the beginning of December.  I did not end up wearing the purple dress because I just felt that it was too short and I would feel uncomfortable.  Here are a few new pics from the NYE celebration and NYE dress shopping...

My younger cousin was my first "kiss" of my date and her husband had disappeared somewhere at midnight.

I found this gem of a dress while I was NYE dress shopping.  It was too small (a regular size L) but it was $4 and I knew I'd be fitting in it soon.  It is backless...can't wait to be able to wear it in public!!!