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Showing posts from December, 2013

2013: A Year of Ups, Downs, and NSVs

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I feel like I was just celebrating the start to 2013, and I am here saying goodbye to it already.  I tend to think that how you spend your New Year's Eve night is how your year will go, so be sure to spend it wisely! I decided to go through my blog to see what I have done this year, the good, the bad, and the ugly all included.  I started just as a reminder to myself, but you all can join the journey.  And for those of you who are new readers, this will be a good catch-up for you! 2013   My last weigh in of 2012 was 284.2. January:  I began 2013 with 4 friends, their 'significant' others, and Robocop- the guy I started dating shortly before the new year.  It was a great night, mostly, but there was some turbulence along the way.  My baby cousin ended up being my first 2013 kiss (on the cheek) since her husband and Robocop disappeared to go make trouble. February:  Nothing too significant happened during February.  I got my tattoo on the back of my

End of the Year Updates

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I have so many things to tell you all, weight loss related and otherwise, that I don't even know where to start.  I apologize in advance if this blog seems scatter-brained because it will just be all over the place. First, my last post, I apologize if I worried anyone.  I was really not at all okay, but am doing better.  I prayed and have come to a conclusion about things, and am at peace with my decision. Christmas was nice... I was in a funk of course, so it was hard, but it was a nice day with my family.  I got a lot of really nice gifts, the food was good, and I absolutely did not over eat.  I did PB though, after eating a sugar free brownie that got stuck. I forgot how painful and violent a stuck episode can be. And guess what?  I came home from my parents' house to see 241.2 on the scale!!!  That's my lowest adult weight!!!  That means I lost weight over Thanksgiving AND Christmas this year.  I'm effing awesome, ha.  Lots of people have mentioned my weight

Christmas Day

Merry Christmas blogger friends & family Today, for Christmas, I am asking for wisdom to make the right decision, and strength to follow through with it.  Monday I experienced a 'make it or break it' moment in my life, and I honestly don't know what to do.  I know what I WANT the outcome to be, but I don't know if it's possible, or right.  If what I WANT will only cause further hurt later on.  I hope I come to the right conclusion, even if it may not be what I want.  Sorry to be a little Debbie Downer, but I'm struggling and I have no one to talk to.  I can't let my parents know I'm not okay, so I am walking around with a smile on my face and aching inside.  The show must go on. Last Thursday when I had my fill, my PA was surprised that I wanted a tighter fill.  She said most of her patients want to be loosened right before Christmas.  My response was "Christmas isn't about food, it is about love and family".  I hope that I can em

I love to Over Eat :(

My fill on Thursday was quite good.  My PA gave me 1.2CC, which is a real big girl fill.  On the fluoroscopy machine there was slight 'reflux' but I asked her to leave it like that because I wanted an aggressive fill.  She agreed as long as I promised to come back Friday if I had a PB episode.  I agreed, but no PBing here.  I can tell my band is tight, but at a good level. So my band is good, but I'm not. I ate to the point of feeling miserable TWICE yesterday, and this morning my weight was up.  Both times it was because my food was just too good to stop.  Damn it. First was the kid's meal from Boston Market:  turkey, spinach, and mashed sweet potatoes.  Granted, it could've been worse, it WAS a small portion and I could've made worse food choices.  Never the less, I ate far beyond the point of 'satisfaction'. Then, in the evening, I made Luka's Chicken Tortilla soup.  OMG...Delicious!  So delicious.  To the point that I ate a whole bowl and

Weekend Shenanigans

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Warning:  This post will be full of lovey dovey life happenings and likely have next to nothing to do with weight loss or my band.... Oh goodness.... You know it was a good night when at the time the bathroom floor seems like the most comfortable place to sleep.  That was me, last night. I threw together a little get together since my baby cousin is in town from New York.  It was last minute and I knew it would be a smaller than usual crowd because quite a few friends were traveling for the holidays, but I wanted to do something.  I invited Mr. Banker, and casually let him know there would be family in attendance and he said he'd come.  I was kind of surprised but since he didn't make it a big deal, I didn't either. My good friend from high school and her boyfriend were the first to arrive, right on time.  Mr. Banker arrived next with 3 wrapped Christmas presents that he placed under my tree and one that was unwrapped because he wanted me to have it then...a UN

2nd round of #FF (Flashback Friday)

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  Welcome to another edition of Flashback Friday #fff July 23, 2011 Sometimes it is really hard for me to get my eyes and my brain to talk to each other.   When I look into the mirror, I see that girl pictured above. Then I scroll down this page and see that photo I took in the mirror earlier this week, and I'm like "Holy shit Hollee, you lost 100 pounds.  Why can't you see it?" I honestly don't know the answer to that.  I wish I did. I struggle with this every day.  I take tons of pictures because I NEED to so that I can see the difference losing 100 pounds has made.

TTT and requesting your Advice (#10)

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1.  Good morning everyone!  Life is great... I have felt so happy and cheerful lately!  I don't know if life is just great or if it's the holidays or the antidepressant, but I hope this feeling continues.  I can't remember the last time I had such a positive and clear outlook on things. 2. It's fill day...again.  I weighed myself this morning and the scale hasn't budged since my fill 2 weeks ago....still steady at 247.  I think my PA will be slightly disappointed, but I can't say I am.  The holidays are a really difficult time to try to lose weight, but I'm going to keep trying. 3. I haven't written anything about it but for about 2 months I've been trying to help Mr. Banker get a new job.  I started by re-imaging his resume, and then we applied to 4 banks online together.  I told him not to get his hopes up because in my experience, out of 100 jobs, I might get 5 interviews.  But, he has gotten responses/interviews from every job!  He has

On Cloud 9

I can't imagine being happier than I am right now.  I know it's possible, but I can't imagine it at this moment. As if I haven't already been over the freaking moon because of how good things have been with Mr. Banker, I got the best surprise last night!!!! Yesterday I went to meet a friend at the mall.  Honestly I was tired but went anyway.  When I got there, instead of the friend I was supposed to meet, I was met with an awesome surprise.  My baby cousin who now lives in NY is visiting and the stinker kept it a secret from everyone.  I swear it made my whole week the moment I saw her.  I haven't seen her since June and we were actually in a little fight when she left NC, so it was completely unexpected.  I'm so excited she is here this week and that I'm going to get to spend some time with her!!  Just wanted to gush over how happy I am.  If you all could just see how lit up I am right now with the biggest smile on my face!

Christmas...Go away!

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I have always loved Christmas.  I'm the kind of girl who for as long as I can remember, started dreaming of Santa Claus and Sugar Plum Fairies in September each year.  I love the music, the decorations, the joy I feel, seeing family, and of course the food.  I used to dedicate a whole day to baking the week before Christmas. Chocolate covered peanut butter balls. No bake chocolate oatmeal cookies. Coffee cakes. Pumpkin bread.  Strawberry bread. Pecan sandies. Peanut butter cookies. Every kind of pie you can think of. But last year I decided to break this tradition.  I did make a few things, and gave them as gifts to Robocop, my dad, and a couple of friends, but I didn't go all out.  This year I have pretty much decided I wont do it at all.  Mr. Banker isn't a fan of sweets and now that my mom has diabetes I feel guilty bringing anything like that home to them.  BUT... here's my problem.  I'm trying really hard to give up coffee, but it's a Mond

No More Lap-Band

Now, before you all freak out, no, I haven't had surgery in the last 3 days since I wrote and gotten my band removed.  Nor am I currently considering it. But seriously, the last 2 months, I feel like there is no longer a band in my body.  Now, before you all suggest I've slipped or that I need a fill, I've been seeing my WLS PA every other week since October.  My band looks perfect under fluoroscopy and I've been getting adjusted regularly and staying as tight as my PA will allow. But here I am, able to eat much more that I feel I should.  And it's not even a matter of "I can but I shouldn't because I'm not really hungry".  If I eat the portion I think I should eat (about 1.5 cups), I'm still sitting there starved.  And I'm eating almost strictly protein for the first cup of food. Where has my lap band gone?? I'm glad I haven't PB'd in months, but it would also be nice if I didn't feel like I could eat a hors

2...maybe 3... NSVs in ONE week!

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 Happy Weekend Everyone!   I haven't had an NSV post in a while.  I'm not sure if it's because the weight loss has slowed (damn near stopped), or if I've stopped paying attention to life because I've been so busy looking at the scale, but this week I had TWO NSVs occur to me and I wanted to share!   1.   I bought this dress last year on Christmas Eve at Ross for $9.  It's a regular size L backless lace dress. I've waited quite some time to wear it, because I don't want to be "that girl" in the club that has rolls hanging out everywhere.  Feeling comfortable in my clothes is essential to having a good time for me.  So last night I put this on, and it finally fit in a way that I felt like I could strut my stuff in public without feeling self-conscious.    I can't wear a normal or even strapless bra with this since it is almost backless all the way down to my butt.  Now, my boobs are pretty perky even after losing weight (so f

Happy Thursday... Here's 10 Things :)

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1.  I have every excuse in the book about why I haven't been exercising.  My favorite is "it's too cold".  They're all BULL SHIT. 2.  It's fill day, again.  Yes, I am seeing her every 2 weeks right now.  And it's working, so I'm going to keep doing that until either I get to goal or my band is as tight as it will go! 3.  I really dislike afternoon fill appointments.  It makes that 24-hours of liquid dieting seem so much longer.  It's easier when I get a fill in the morning so that by the next morning I can wake up and have yogurt. 4.  I'm really happy lately.  I like this trend. 5.  Mr. Banker seems happier too.  I still wish he'd get in to see a therapist, to help him figure some things out, but at least he's on an upward trend.  And he really loves the gifts... last night he guessed one of them, because he's figured out that many of the gifts have some kind of significance to us, and things we have done together. 6.  Spe

Rambles

For those of you who have been following me for a while, you already know that I switched jobs in August, and at the beginning, I was struggling with that decision quite a bit.  I stopped talking about it and decided it was time to just decide to be happy.  After all, I believe happiness is 50% choice. Unfortunately, although I've decided to be happy, I think I am still mourning my old job.  My old mentor.  My old work family.  My old learning opportunities.  Everything. The people at this new company are nice.  They make being here bearable.  But I miss LEARNING.  I love to learn.  I love to feel like I'm growing personally.  And I just am not getting that in my current opportunity. Today, I needed to get out of the office and went to the mall.  I ran into two old coworkers, and seeing them just made me feel "home".  My old company was my family, it wasn't just a place to work.  Seeing them, these two people that I wasn't even particularly close to, mad