Sunday, March 31, 2013

The end of Robocop, Part II

Being young and dating can really suck. If only I could have a crystal ball to see who I shouldn't waste my time on.

The first time Robocop and I broke up should've been the only time. It should've stuck. We were only broken up for 5 days the first time, but he broke up with me a second time only 3 weeks later (that break up lasted 4 days). He never treated me right after that first time though. I felt like he didn't respect me or care for me at all. He told me he loved me three times, but all were alcohol induced.

I kept holding on and trying to be patient because that first month was just so good. In that first month, we were head over heels for each other. I felt like I'd made a new best friend. We did everything together and he wanted to see me and take me out all the time. Then everything changed.

I thought after my time in Europe he would realize he had missed me and everything would be better, but it really wasn't. I got home Tuesday and he stopped by to see me only for 3 hours on Wednesday and he took a nap for part of that time. Then we had plans to go out Friday but when I never heard from him, I got tired of it. I tried to call him but he didn't answer. I ended up sending a text to tell him I deserve better than to be blown off, no phone call, no text. I deserve someone who can at least act like he cares for me. Robocop never responded, but has been posting things on Instagram all weekend that he knew would hurt me. I ended up just blocking him. Seriously, he's 33 years old....that is childish.

I always try to feel that people come into my life for a reason but its hard to see his purpose right now. I'm so hurt by his blatant disrespect for my feelings when I have been nothing but loving and kind to him. Better to find out he is an asshole now than later I guess.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Mixed feelings

With My Mom on Thanksgiving

My mother is a beautiful person...inside and out. She's 45 years old and can be the nicest person you have ever met, or slice you in half with her words if it is deserved. I always take it as a compliment when someone says I look like her, unfortunately I don't think I'm very much like her as far as personality. In December of 2011 my mom had a pretty serious health scare, that resulted in a bad blood infection and a diagnosis of Type II Diabetes. I never would've thought my mom would have diabetes so young, she eats fairly healthy, and compared to my dad, she should be the healthy one. Unfortunately all 4 of my grandparents have/had diabetes so in the end I won't be surprised if both my parents and myself have it. But the surgery is a great prophylactic against getting it for me.

When I was doing research on the surgery, I read the statistics of Type II Diabetes cure after Lap Band is around 70 percent! That was mind blowing to me. So, about a week before surgery, I suggested my mom look into it. I've never thought of my mom as very heavy (current BMI is 36%) but I want her to be as healthy as possible. Her severe sleep apnea and diabetes scare me. She seemed offended that I mentioned it, so I dropped the subject and intended to never bring it up again.

Last week when she was driving me to the airport she told me she's considering having Lap Band. I truly feel that this surgery was the best decision of my life, but I suddenly hope she doesn't do it! What is wrong with me? I want to be supportive, but it's so hard. Being banded is much harder than I ever expected it to be. I just hate to think of my mom going through everything I've gone through. No matter what I will be supportive of her decision, she does not know about my blog. But I just really want to understand why I feel this way. I think it's because my life has been much harder after surgery than I expected it would be. I'm not sure if I PB more than the average person, it's not something I want to discuss with my doctor, but it happens enough that I try to be extra careful when I eat, especially in public/at work/with Robocop, etc.  I hate to think of my mom dealing with it the rest of her life too.  They know how often I PB, I feel like every time I am at my mom and dad's house even for just a day I end up getting sick more than once.  In the end, I know it is her choice and I will not say anything to discourage it.  I just have very mixed emotions about seeing my mom go through this.  Although she's had such bad side effects from her diabetes medications that I'm not sure a few PBs would be worse.

It just seems like such a drastic decision to make for someone who wants to lose 40-50 pounds.

So tell me what you you think Life After Lap Band has been easier/harder/exactly what you expected?! Please tell me your thoughts...

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Trip Summary and Pictures

Now that I've had time to rest, I feel more up to writing to tell you all a little more about my amazing Adventures overseas!!

First, let me say this is the most independent thing I have ever done in my life!  I was honestly terrified.  I'm 24 and some places are just not very safe for a female to travel alone.  Honestly, if I'd had the choice, I definitely would've felt safer traveling in Paris with someone!  Nevertheless, I survived so it is okay!


I arrive in Germany on Steffi's 26th birthday...It's the first time in 10 years that we've ever celebrated a birthday together, so it was kind of special for me.  After dinner, her friend Lukas came over and it was my first test of how good my German was.  I took German class for 3 years in college, and I actually understood a lot of what they said when they weren't speaking English, it was just really hard for me to communicate my wants/needs/feelings back. 

The next morning, when I woke up I found that Steffi had went out to buy my favorite german bread-Streusel Kuchen.  This is a special sweet bread specific to the Northwest part of Germany Steffi lives in.  So, of course, I could not eat it.  I had to explain in more detail about the surgery to Steffi, because I felt like someone was going to force feed me if I didn't.  I'm not sure she ever really understood, she said she had never heard of any type of surgery for losing weight.  This didn't really surprise me, but at the same time, I never would've thought it would be such a strange concept.

After breakfast, we went to the Lindt factory, where I spent about $50 on chocolate!  Most of it was for gifts, but trust me- I've eaten my fair share!  Here's a photo of me and Steffi from the Lindt factory (yes, that IS a giant chocolate horse....):

The day before the wedding was very busy.  We went everywhere to finalize wedding things and spent some time at her mom's house getting the flowers together.  That evening there was a little party at her mom's house with about 30 people.  There was so much German speaking that it became overwhelming!  Luckily I made some friends who spoke English.  Once it started to get dark, everyone went outside and began breaking porcelain and ceramic dishes in the middle of the street, then the bride and groom had to clean it up as a couple.  This was a fun wedding tradition for the guests, but not so much for the couple.  The groom said when I get married, he will bring extra luggage full of ceramics for him to break for me to clean up...guess I was enjoying breaking the dishes a bit too much since this was new for me.


The wedding was a 2pm on Friday.  I walked to the Aachen Rathaus (courthouse) and as soon as I saw Steffi for the first time, I began to cry a little.  I always cry at weddings, but this is the first time just seeing the bride made me cry.  She looked so beautiful and she is one of my longest friendships.  Even after 10 years and thousands of miles apart, we have never stopped communicating.

After the wedding, the party began at a cute little venue that used to be a farm.  It was a very elegant location.  First were drinks and cake in the "Cafe Stunde" (coffee hour instead of cocktail hour) and then we moved into the hall for dinner/games/dancing.  Dinner was SO good... an assortment of salads, chicken, slamon, pork, pasta...too much, I definitely didn't get the opportunity to try everything!

After dinner, Christian's father had some speeches and games planned.  Unfortunately my body/band chose an unfortunate time to decide it was having a problem with food.  The bathroom was outside the building and I was at the bride/groom's table so there was nothing I could do.  I really could not get up and leave.  Finally after 30 mins or so of trying to choke back my PB-ing, I just had to get up and go to the restroom.  Very unfortunate timing!  But I don't think anyone really noticed as much as I felt they would!

The party that night lasted until almost 6am.  I had much too much to drink and when I left I couldn't stop crying.  I knew it was the last time I would see Steffi for quite some time.  The alcohol probably had me feeling a little more emotional than I normally would anyway.  I got back to my hotel in time to have 4 hours of sleep before I had to leave for the train to Paris.  I learned a new lesson- high speed train + terrible hangover = AWFUL motion sickness.


When I arrived in Paris I was way too hung over to enjoy much.  I saw the Eiffel Tower but that is pretty much it for that first night.  The next day was more of an adventure, and I've already written about a lot of it.  I still cannot believe I climbed the Eiffel tower.  It is up there with one of the biggest accomplishments of my life.

After walking around the city for about 8 hours, I went to grab my map out of my back pocket only to realize it was gone.  It was just a throw away map worth nothing, but it had the location of my hotel starred on it!  Oh crap.  So I did my best to get back and made it very close, but could not find it.  Finally, with my pepper spray in hand, I approached a very young attractive guy at the ATM, and as luck would have it, he spoke English.  He looked up my hotel on his phone and insisted that he would walk me back to my hotel room.  This made me very nervous because he kept asking if I was alone and I started feeling like he was going to rob me?  Maybe I'm a bit paranoid.  It turned out he was just trying to come up to my room to get lucky.  ((Didn't happen, sorry to disappoint readers!))

This was the first of many occasions in Paris that I got hit on.  Made me feel like I need to move to Paris!  There was a group of guys who wanted to take photos with me.  Here's a photo of the one who grabbed my ass after the photo was taken:

Regardless of getting hit on quite frequently, the tiny European girls everywhere made me feel less than attractive, so I don't think I could live there.

I spent some of my time bored taking strange photos:

((I am copying the statues in both of these)).

Paris at night is a scary place though.  I was happy to be leaving the next day after feeling that I might need my pepper spray on more than one occasion after dark at the Eiffel tower.


I arrived in London early on Monday and checked into my hotel to leave my belongings.  Then I bought a daypass for the tube and took it to Tower Bridge.  It was a bit of a walk as I got lost a couple of times.  Once I arrived, I was ready to warm up with some coffee.  Coffee (EVERYTHING, actually) is really expensive in London.  My medium skinny white mocha was the equivalent of $7.  DAMN!  Anyway, while drinking my coffee, I met a nice Brittish man who gave me a lot of advice and directions about how to go from place to place.  He told me the London Eye was only a 10 minute walk, or 2 clicks (kilometers) from the Bridge.  So I decided I wouldn't mind the walk, regardless of the miserable cold. 

So I made my way to London Eye.  It was absolutely FREEZING and took me almost an hour to get there because I kept stopping for coffee to warm up.  In actuality, it is a 2.7 mile walk along the river...which makes it feel extra cold!  When I got to the Eye, although it was super expensive ($45) and I'm terrified of heights, I decided to ride.  The view of the city was amazing!  No regrets on deciding to ride! 

After the eye, I walked to Buckingham Palace, but as I arrived, it began to snow.  I was over it at that point, so I decided to return to the hotel for the remainder of the evening!  It was getting dark anyway by that point, and I needed to defrost!

Anyway, it was a fantastic trip, but I really needed the day off work yesterday to recover.  So thankful I planned accordingly!  It was definitely not a vacation for resting!

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Weigh in Wednesday

Loss of .8 pounds since the last post for a total of 71.2 pounds lost!

I'm supposed to have an adjustment tomorrow but they called to cancel. My last fill was 5 weeks ago so I really need one. My other option was to go to the Durham hospital to have it done for a $1100 bill. Hell no!! So I begged them to try it in the office Friday without fluoro. The nurse scheduled it but I don't know what will happen. My port is easily accessible but my Dr is very against doing adjustments without the fluoroscopy machine...

Monday, March 25, 2013

Hello from London

Since I blogged from Aachen and Paris, it seemed fitting that I say a quick hello from London as well.

Today I'm seriously paying for the Eiffel tower climb yesterday. I woke up feeling a bit flu-like because my muscles are so sore. I took the train early this morning back to London, dropped my things at the hotel, and bought an oyster card for the tube. I took the tube to London bridge and then walked to the London eye from there. If I'd known it was almost a 3 mile walk I may have made another choice considering the miserable cold and my sore muscles, but I made it.

This band is quite fickle...yesterday I finished my 3 egg omlet and today I Pb'ed after 2 bites of chicken selects from the McDonalds across from my hotel. I'm quite hungry but too exhausted to care at this point.

Can't wait to be home with my own food, my bed, my scale, and Robocop....yes I know I hadn't mentioned but he is still around.

I plan to leave extra early for the airport in the morning because I've heard some Lap Band London horror stories about strip searches due to the London full body scanners detecting the band....cross your fingers for me!!!!

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Hello from Paris


It's very cold out and I was walking outside for 8 hours so now I'm back at the hotel warming up and I need to shower.

Huge NSV today.... I decided I would walk to the top of the Eiffel tower instead of taking the elevator. This was a great idea until I remembered my fear of heights. And how much effort it would take. I got in line one time and got too scared. Got out of line and decided to buy some water and try again. I started the journey up a little after 8am. After much fear and struggle, I reached the top around 10am. Luckily it was early enough that not many other people were attempting it so I could sit on the steps to rest. Honestly sitting was almost more uncomfortable than standing because the steps were so small I thought my ass would fall off and you can see down so the height made me feel nauseas!! But I made it! When I got to the top I was so gross, sweaty and red from the cold that I decided delete the awful pic I took. It was also too foggy today to really get any photos of the city. Oh well. It is still a personal accomplishment. I really can't believe I did it, and I can't imagine doing it 70 or more pounds ago. I also have walked everywhere today. Unfortunately since my climb was first in the day, I look pretty gross in all of my photos.

Food has actually been as much of a challenge as I imagined. The French love their bread. For lunch today I had a ham and cheese omlet...made with 3 eggs. And yes, I ate all of it. Definitely time for an adjustment I think!! But I needed the food today because I feel like I've hardly eaten on this trip. If I haven't lost weight when I get home I will be pissed!! I definitely miss weighing myself.... I miss my routine in general I think. Tomorrow I will go back to London and then home on Tuesday. I know it may sound bad, but I'm ready to be home!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Hello from Germany

I can't sleep.

My flight was great. The in flight meal was a perfect WLS size haha. I heard several other passengers request seconds. I had chicken, mashed sweet potato, green beans, and a salad. I bought a half bottle of chardonnay but it knocked me out before I could finish it. Perhaps unfortunately, I have not experienced this mystery band tightening I've heard so much about due to flying! I'm actually starrrrrrrving as I write this blog!

I landed in London just before 6am, took a train, saw the London eye, London bridge, and then checked into a hotel for just a few hours so I could leave my luggage during breakfast, then shower and nap. For breakfast I had porridge--how British haha.

In the afternoon, I caught the train to Aachen, Germany, where I met my foreign exchange sister, Steffi, at the station and met her soon-to-be husband, Chris, for the first time. I really like him and they seem perfect together. We went for Chinese for dinner and the portion of food was monstrous. Chris finished his plate and half of Steffi's. It looked like I had not even touched my food. When I asked for a box the server thought I didn't like it because I ate so little. I did kind of explain why to Steffi, without going into detail. I wonder if there is even a German word for bariatric surgery? I just said that I had surgery in September that changed my appetite. She said she could tell I've lost a lot of weight.

After dinner we came to their apartment and had a very tame evening. I had my first piece of German chocolate for the trip....mmmmmmmm... if I gain weight this week, I blame the amazing chocolate! Before final wedding preparations we are going to the Lindt factory.

Guess I should try to sleep now..... Tschuss!!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

NSV from the plane

It's amazing... My seat belt buckles with inches to spare! There were literally tears in my eyes as I heard it click.

Goodbye USA... I'll see you in a week!!!

Red or black?

The red dress lost 10 inches, black dress lost 6. Which should I wear to the wedding Friday? Sorry I'm looking rough in the pics...

Saturday, March 16, 2013


I wasn't planning in going anywhere this weekend. I thought I would stay home, rest, and try to get better before my flight Tuesday...yes I am STILL freaking sick! But then I remembered I hadn't taken my dress for the wedding I'll be attending in Germany to the tailors yet.

So I woke up bright and early, went in my closets, and couldn't choose between two dresses. One is the dress I wore for New Years Eve this year, the other a red dress I haven't worn in over a year. It felt good to realize they're taking about 5 inches off each side of the red dress! That's 10 inches total! Can't wait to see what the two dresses look like!

Now for the rest of the weekend...time to get better!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Weight loss Wednesday

1.8 pounds lost since last week... That makes a total of 70.4 pounds lost!  I'm still not feeling well, so I will write a proper blog later.

Happy weigh-in Wednesday!!

Monday, March 11, 2013

'Take with Food'

Aside from STILL being sick, I had a really great weekend.  It consisted of sleeping, eating, and friends.

I went to the doctor last Tuesday and my strep test was negative, so she sent me home with nothing more than some numbing prescription mouthwash.  By Friday, I was feeling so miserable, I couldn't go to work.  A call to the doctor resulting in her calling in a Zpack and some prescription narcotic cough syrup.

I don't ever remember eating on Friday.  I slept most of the day instead of going to work, and in the evening my best friend stopped by unexpectedly.  She lives about 2 hours away so I woke myself up long enough to see her and went back to bed after she left.

Saturday several friends from my hometown came to visit to watch the UNC-dook basketball game (we're not going to talk about how horribly that went).  Even though I was still feeling bad, I put on my makeup and pretended to be okay for a few hours to spend time with my friends.  I had 3 chicken tenders on Friday (1 for lunch, 2 for dinner) and a bottle of wine.

I slept most of the  day on Sunday again, but I woke up for a little while to go into work for a couple of hours and have lunch with yet another out-of-town friend stopping through.  We went to our favorite Sushi place, and I ordered my usual, but was unable to eat it.  With sushi, it's always hit or miss.  I'm never sure if my band will allow me to eat it or not.  My friend happily ate my sushi along with hers.  Pre-surgery, we used to go and each get 4 ROLLS.  Yes, 8 rolls total between 2 people...and finish every last piece!  Clearly that isn't possible anymore.

Between Friday morning and Sunday morning I slept about 45 hours.  I needed to not only because I was sick, but also because medicine is not my friend these days.  I cannot take medicine with food anymore, it doesn't work with this band.  Within 30 minutes of taking the Zpack, I feel that it is nap time again accompanied with some stomach cramping and nausea. To help me with this, I've started taking it at night instead of in the morning.  Nothing worse than being sick AND starting your day off feeling yucky from medicine.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Weigh in

1.4 pounds down since last week. Honestly I'm pretty shocked because I've been sick and feel like I'm eating everything under the sun.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013


I always pay attention to bruising, because at some point in my life, I was told it could be a sign of medical problems (like cancer).

2 weeks ago, I noticed 2 or 3 small bruises that then turned into 5 (on my arms and legs).  I didn't mention it to anyone, although I was unsure of where they came from.  Then Sunday my hip began to hurt.  At first it looked like a small bruise, but by today it has grown into a much more significant one.  I wish I could post a picture for you all, but I tried to take one and they all look inappropriate.  The bruise starts from the top of my hip and wraps around to my lower bottom.

So I googled weight loss and bruising, and came up with this article from  If you don't want to read it, basically it says that weight loss that results in malnourishment can be linked to bruising.  Unsure if this is something I should be concerned about or discuss with my doctor?  Maybe it's normal and just not something I've read about? 

Feedback please?!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

3 NSV's in ONE weekend?!

As you can tell from the title, I had a great weekend. It was my little cousin's 24 birthday so there were some birthday festivities.
NSV #1: At cousin's birthday dinner, I saw her brother for the first time in what had probably been 2 years. At the end of dinner when he hugged me goodbye, he mentioned how much weight I've lost, said he almost didn't recognize me, and that I look great. He said he was proud of me and that felt so good to hear. Most of the time when I look in the mirror I don't feel that I look different at all...I only feel different when I look at pictures. So it was nice to be recognized.
NSV #2: I went shopping at Guess for the first time EVER! I bought a shirt (size L).... Pic below :)
NSV #3: I can GET LOW!!! So I love to dance, and for the first time I can get low, all the way to the floor, and easily dance back up. I may or may not look good doing it, but its easy now LOL ;)