Friday, May 31, 2013

Contemplating a break

In 8.5 months, I've had 14 lap band adjustments.

That's a lot.

And I think I need a little break.


More than a few times, you all have told me that my band is too tight and I'll do better if I'm a little looser.

So I'm going to test this. I'm going to cancel my next appointment and make one for later. Wish me luck!!!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Burger or salad?

I've been craving a burger.

Not just any burger.

A CHAR GRILL burger.

Char Grill is a local NC burger joint that used to only be in Raleigh, but now there are several other locations in Cary and Chapel Hill.  The one in Chapel Hill is my own personal hell, because it is SOOOO close to my work.  I drive by and smell the lovely scent of grilling....EVERY...SINGLE...DAY.

So today I finally went and ordered a Jr. Cheeseburger, no bun.

This is what I got:

A cheeseburger?  Or a salad?

Anyway, I was slightly amused by how much lettuce is "on" my burger.

Coincidentally, I know my taste buds have changed...because this was not as delicious as I imagined it would be.

Weigh in Wednesday

Starting weight: 344
Today's weight: 261

Loss from last week: -0.6 pounds
Total loss: -83.0 pounds

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Memorial Day Cookout and Dating update

I hope you all had a great Memorial Day and remembered the reason for which we had the day off for BBQing.  These holidays can be hard for me due to a friend dying in Iraq 7 years ago so I tend to try to keep busy on them.

Several weeks ago some girl friends and I started talking about having a cookout, where we decided my friend A would host since her neighborhood has a pool and grills.  Her guy was going to be the only male there, so a couple of weeks ago I mentioned bringing Mr. Banker and we both agreed it was a bad idea.  Until Saturday night, friend A and her bf realized he knows Mr. Banker. 

Small world!

So, Mr. Banker ended up coming to the cookout with me yesterday and it went REALLY well.  He seemed to pass the friend test... which is particularly difficult with one friend, Patrice.  She has never EVER said she liked any guy I've ever dated, but she said she likes Mr. Banker....after some time spent playing 20 questions with him.

I was definitely nervous about the cookout, after not being able to eat ANY solid foods all weekend.  ((Stress...)) But it went really well.  I ate a few bites of ribs--and was really excited that I could, a few bites of baked beans, potato salad, and macaroni and cheese.  I know that I was able to eat different foods than I normally am able to because I'd had a few too many drinks, but it was nice to eat and not get sick. 

I'm terrified of tomorrow's weigh in after all the drinks yesterday and my ice cream diet over the weekend :-/.

Me and Patrice yesterday

Saturday, May 25, 2013

C25k W6D3 SUCCESS!!!

I did it!!!!

I ran for a total of 23 minutes yesterday!

C25k was only 15 minutes, then 5, but after I conquered the first 20 minutes, I decided to run a little more.

This picture is what the c25k organizer posted on his Facebook last night :)

Friday, May 24, 2013

Embarrassed of my Band?

I am usually really open about my band.  All of my family and close friends now know.  Quite a few coworkers know.  Even some of the people in my running group who I BARELY KNOW, know that I am banded.  I'm an open book kind of person anyway, so being open about this is really nothing new.

I surprised myself yesterday though.

I was WAYYYY overdue for my annual eye exam, my contact prescription has been expired for about 6 months, so I finally made an appointment to see a new opthalmologist at my office.  This was a tough decision because the last time I went to this Opthalmology practice, I despised every minute of it... every member of the staff was rude, abrasive, late, etc.  So I decided I'd give them another try with a different doctor and I'm quite glad I did.  I loved him as a doctor, and he was easy on the eyes too (pun about him being handsome AND an eye doctor intended).

When the nurse took me back to a room, she asked for an update on my medical history and I blatantly decided not to tell her about my band.  First I asked if she meant medical history related to my eyes, she said no, any medical history.  I told her I went off metformin (which I had been taking for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, not the usual indication-diabetes).  She kept probing for any other medical update and I just refused to tell her.

I'm not sure why?

"My band has nothing to do with my eyes."

"It's none of their business."

"It isn't going to hurt to omit this."

All of those thoughts kept swimming in my head, so I was ACTIVELY choosing not to tell her.  I have only done that a few times since surgery-mostly with coworkers.

Just a strange thing to think about I guess.  I have no idea why I didn't want to tell her.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Weigh in Wednesday at 8 months post-OP

Thats a -0.8 pound loss since last week.
And -82.8 pound loss total.

That's the good news.

The bad news is I haven't slept worth shit.  I honestly believe that sleeping well is a key to successful weight loss, and the last week, I can only imagine how much I would've lost if I slept better.

I was so tired that on the 17th last week, I totally didn't even realize it was my 8 month Bandiversary.  I am truly happy for this decision.  And the idea of my mom having surgery is starting to grow on me.  She's been talking about it a fair amount lately, and I just want her to be happy/healthier.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013


Is that an M? Why yes, it is!!

I'm 260-ish pounds and this size M dress, given to me by a friend, finally fits!!

Monday, May 20, 2013

C25k W6D1

Today was week 6 day 1 of my couch to 5k program. Although I'm constantly impressed by my progress, I feel like I've let myself down Friday and today.

Last week on Monday and Wednesday the male organizer ran with us and I was able to complete all the intervals running. Then Friday came and the female organizer ran with the slower group. Twice I had to stop and walk for 30 seconds. Although I didn't do quite as well, my run keeper app told me my pace was greatly increased. I was unhappy with myself but then today was even worse! Again the female organizer ran with my group. I ran the first 10 minutes, but then the second interval I only ran about 5 minutes before needing a break.

My breathing was okay today but my hip hurt. I thought about it a lot and I honestly believe I would've pushed through the pain if I'd been with the male runner. He has promised to run with me Wednesday to help motivate me again. I'm starting to feel like a failure. I want to kick this program's @$$ like I did last week!!

Regardless of my mediocre endurance, I still see progress when I look at the app. And it seems that my average pace gets better every time.

Another day, Another dollar

I have been so stressed.  Stressed to the point that my band has tightened (in addition to the fill I got Thursday) and my mouth has a blister from stress.

I always thought it was rude to talk about money, so I try not to.  I rarely discuss when I'm struggling.  But I can't hold it in anymore.

I love the company I work for, I love the people, I love the idea that what I do every day is helping people.  What I don't love is the fact that I think I'm under-paid.  About a year ago in April, when I was doing the paperwork to close on  my house, my boss mentioned getting a raise at my one year Job anniversary.  That never happened, but since I don't like conflict, I didn't say anything.

I finally decided to say something a few weeks ago, when it had been exactly one year since that last promise, and now I'm coming up on my two year anniversary in my current role.  The response from my boss was that I'm "irreplaceable" and she would make it right, but then the response from her boss was pretty insulting to me.

So I started looking elsewhere.  A couple of weeks ago I had an interview with a prominent pharmaceutical company...honestly I thought it went terribly.  They asked me to describe what a boolyean expression was and my mind just blanked, so instead of a definition I gave an example.  A bad example at that.  Anyway, it took 9 days but they finally emailed me and said they were very impressed with me and interested in hiring me, but the studies they were hiring for have been pushed back to July.


Fuck.  I need a new job NOW.

So, I'm thinking of looking into a waitressing job until then.  But do I want to waitress?  No.  Do I want to be around food that much?  No.  Do I wantt o give up my running time?  NO.


I really don't know what to do right now.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Max Brutus


Disclaimer: most of the time when I talk about dating I give my dates a nick name for their privacy but Max doesn't deserve any anonymity. In fact, I hope everyone in his life come across this blog lol.
I suspect many of us have someone from our past we would like to flaunt our new health/good looks in front of. Maybe it's a sibling, a middle school bully, an ex...doesn't matter. Mine is an ex that I've talked about briefly before.
Tonight I almost did something reckless. I was looking through some old emails because I can't sleep and found some chat conversations from August 2012- a whole year after I accidentally met his wife one day...surprise on me.
I often imagine running into him at the super market or at the beach one day at my goal weight. He's still the person I wish I could share my best and worst moments with so it isn't terribly shocking I'd like to share this journey with him as well. I wish the desire for him to know my life would disappear....this year makes 2 years since I found out he was married and had a child.
The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to send him a photo. Likely a picture from my birthday. I even went and picked one out to send. But knowing how dumb that would be, I decided to blog about it instead. Even as I sit here writing this blog, I want to do it. The worst part is that I don't even know why.
What is the desired outcome? Or even the best possible outcome? The best would be that he didn't respond, but even that would hurt. I'm not even sure that writing this blog out knowing what a horrible idea it is is going to stop this decision.
Most days I'm not this emotionally broken over him anymore. I can even go a whole day sometimes without his memory finding it's way into my mind. The conversations I read tonight are just causing a flood of emotions I'd rather forget.
((October 30, 2010))
((Conversationg from May 2012))

#IAMTHEDRAGON +Weigh in Wednesday


WTF does #IAMTHEDRAGON're probably asking....

As a Lead Satellite for NC for my favorite band, I often do online promotional posts on social media.  The new promotion is #IAMTHEDRAGON...where we were supposed to pic something that made us feel inspired and photograph/film it and post it online with the #IAMTHEDRAGON tag.

So, I chose running with a little twist (splattered paint).  That's what's empowering to me. 

So above is my finished product.


In other news, I'm down another 2.2 pounds since last week, a total of 82 pounds.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

C25K Rocks!!! ((Update W5D1))

I don't think I have ever given anything in my life so much effort and committment.  Between the weight loss and the running, I think this is the most physically difficult thing I have ever done in my twenty-five years of life.

But that's what makes it so rewarding.

Week 5, Day 1 Group: Kira, Janet, Jill, Me, Kelly, Rigel, Natalie, Victoria, Mike (behind Victoria), Laurie, Harsha, and Gail

The meetup group has started to split into two groups.  There's the faster group and the slower group.  I'm a member of the slower group.  Yesterday's workout was 16 minutes of running total (5, 6, 5 minute runs). 

We did it!

I was so proud of myself and Victoria.  We have come a long way.  I couldn't make it after the first two 60 second runs on the first day.  One of the meetup organizers, Joe, stayed with us and helped us out.  He told us not to talk and he just coached us through.  He was really great.  He reminded us to slow down when our breath started to get too uneven, relax our shoulders, keep good posture.  It really did help.  I know we were going slow, but we completed it and that feels awesome.

After each running set Victoria and I just looked at each other with the biggest smiles on our faces (since we weren't allowed to talk).  

Today I'm definitely paying for yesterday.  My left hip is so sore and keeps popping when I walk.  I need this to recover before tomorrow's group!

Monday, May 13, 2013

Back on Track

Saturday I realized I had a problem.  I guess the first step to fixing it is realizing it exists, so at least I'm making progress.

After cleaning out my cabinets Saturday, I made Cajun Salmon and Turkey Tacos (food for a few days).  When I cook, since it's just me at home, I usually cook more than one meal at a time so that I don't have to do it again anytime soon.  Cooking can be a lot of work for just one person.  Unfortunately I PB'd both of those meals (lunch and dinner) because I was so excited about real food that I took giant gulps instead of the tiny bites I'm supposed to have.

On that note, have you all noticed when you eat with other people how giant their bites seem now?
I notice that all the time.

Anyway, Saturday's food choices were a giant leap forward from what I've done the rest of last week.

For Mother's Day on Sunday, my mom and Grandmother came to visit.  This is a really nice treat for me because it is usually me going to visit them, since they're in my home town.  I bought my house last May and my grandmother has been there twice now.

They both like Japanese food so I took them to my favorite Hibachi Grill.  I know I know, not healthy but I honestly never feel guilty about this kind of "bad" stuff.  I eat my protein first so there is rarely room for much of the rice afterward.

My mom and grandmother had never been to a Japanese Steak House before so I had a lot of fun with it.  The cook picked on my grandmother a lot and she seemed to really enjoy it.  It's always the same jokes and "tricks" at this place, so I always know what's coming, but she had no clue.  Here are a few pics from our lunch.  I love my mom and Grandmother so much.  They're awesome women. 

Note our height difference.  I was in flats, my mom and grandmother both had some type of heel on their shoes.  Sigh, I always grew up feeling like an amazon.

My Grandmother, Mom, and Me

Mom and Me

Nannie and Mom

Today, I have packed my lunch for work and aside from some Japanese leftovers, I'm rocking it.
Cottage cheese and SF Jam for breakfast.
Cheese stick & Fage Greek yogurt for snack.
1C Japanses leftover for lunch.

Here's to being better! :)

Saturday, May 11, 2013


Forgive me bloggers, for I have cheated. A lot.

I've been bad. Very bad.

The last 7 days have been awful. I think I have had one meal over the last week that was not Greek yogurt or ice cream. I need to get back on track.

My band is loose, and I've been hungry, but those foods have been readily available at my house and I've been lazy. I haven't cooked in like 2 weeks.

I'm going to try to get back on track today. I began the morning cleaning my pantry because the mail service provided paper bags to leave at the mail box today full of groceries for the needy. I got rid of all those boxed meals, like hamburger helper etc.

Now I'm going to go cook some turkey tacos...

Regardless of my poor food choices I'm still losing weight. But I know I'm not getting my protein, so I need to fix this NOW!!

P.S. Yes I know I need some lawn care lol

Friday, May 10, 2013

Dating and a Compliment

So, I've decided instead of jumping into a relationship, I want to date around a little and see what's out there. 

You all heard about Mr. Banker on Wednesday.

I also met a guy on my birthday at the club, so I guess his nickname will come from the club....Solas.  Monday we went to play pool and last night we went on a walking trail date.  We were talking about vacations so showed him some photos from Mexico in 2011.  He came to a pic of me, and asked if it was my friend I went with.  I said no, it was me.  His response was "Wow, you don't even look like the same person."

That felt good.


A little fun in the Miami airport

 On the way to the beach

Beautiful Landscaping

You know, I actually kind of enjoy looking at the old pictures.  They remind me of how far I have come, and how much I have changed.  They remind me of the reason I'm doing this.  Honestly, when I see those pics, I don't see someone who is unattractive...I see someone who is unhealthy.

Here's to improved health!

Thursday, May 9, 2013

C25K Update + Throwback Thursday


I take really simple things for granted.

Last night, when I got home from running, I took a warm shower and just sat down in the bath with the shower running over me.  In that moment, I was so thankful for running water.  Maybe that sounds a little silly, but there is nothing better than a good shower after a lot of sweating.

Yesterday was Week 4, Day 2 of C25K.  The workout was:

5 minute brisk Warm up Walk
3 Minute Run
2 Minute Walk
5 Minute Run
3 Minute Walk
((Turn Around))
5 Minute Run
3 Minute Walk
3 Minute Run
Cool Down walk until we get back to our cars

The time is messed up because we took a little break between the two 5 Minute runs, but the distance is accurate.  That's almost a 5k!!! woop woop!!!

Next week is going to be ROUGH!  Monday is three 5 Minute runs and then Friday is just one 20 Minute run.  Have they lost their minds?

I make it through the 3 minute runs just fine, but 5 minutes is hard.  It gets better each time I guess.


Completely unrelated, but my friend found this picture of us online this morning:

July 2012

I love a good old picture where I can see the difference in myself.  Go compare this to birthday pics.  I'm so thankful I made this decision!  The pic was taken a few days after my first Lap Band consultation.

We are going to go to the All-White party again this year, so that we can remake this photo.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Happy Weigh in Wednesday :)

How in the world did that happen?!?
2 pound loss since last week
79.2 pound loss overall!!!
I was just sure I was going to gain weight after plenty of birthday cake, ice cream, and alcohol last weekend. I love a surprise loss!!

Maybe I danced all the junk food calories off!  Coincidentally, thought I'd mention that I AGAIN made it through the entire night in my high heels on my birthday, and that makes me extremely happy.  I love that my feet don't scream from all the excess weight!

Also, last night I had a second date with a guy, we will call him Mr. Banker.  The first date was just drinks and last night was a movie.  I had told him I'd lost quite a bit of weight on our first date, and last night he mentioned that I looked slimmer than I had on our first date (which due to bad timing, was two weeks ago).  Later, I said something about living off of yogurt right now, and as soon as I'd said it I wished I hadn't.  I slipped.  So he asked why and was pretty persistent in his questioning so I just let the wall come down and said.... "well, I wouldn't normally tell someone I've only known for two weeks, but the last guy I dated had a problem with it, so I might as well tell you now so you can make your decision sooner rather than later.  I had weight loss surgery."  You know his response?  "Why would anyone have a problem with that?"


This guy might be alright.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Quarter Century Celebration

I spent the last week feeling kind of down that I am not where I wanted to be in this weight loss journey.  When I started, I had this unrealistic idea that I would be at my goal weight by my birthday.  I now realize that would probably be unhealthy and I'm okay with where I am, but I was just feeling weird about getting older I guess.

Regardless of the fact that I have 65ish pounds left to go, I still think I looked fabulous!

Thank you all for helping me choose the gold dress!  My friends really wanted me to wear the white/black dress but I just felt so much more comfortable in this one.

Here I am standing in front of my decorated hotel door.  The staff at the Glenwood Raleigh Hampton Inn is awesome!

Me, Patrice, and Becca

Arran, Me, Patrice, and Kira

 Patrice, Becca, Me, Arran, Kira, Kaleigh, Jessica, Alexis, and Jenni

Becca and Me- we have been best friends since the 6th grade

I went swimming at the end of the night..........IN MY GOLD DRESS LOL

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Last Weigh-In Wednesday as a 24 Year Old

Good Morning.

Today's weight is exactly the same as it was last Friday when I posted a weigh in photo...coincidentally though, that's down 3.6 pounds less than last Weigh-In Wednesday.

I'm not sure why I haven't lost anything since last Friday, but I have a sneaky idea it has something to do with that bitch Aunt Drip (instead of Flow) coming to visit me for the first time in almost 3 YEARS.  Yeah, you read that right, I hadn't had a visit since June 2010 thanks to my lovely IUD.  Oh well, next week will hopefully be better...or maybe not after birthday partying...