I struggle with this, because it's hard to figure out what is "normal" or positive self-esteem. Sometimes I can say that I've always liked myself a normal amount, and other times I look back on situations and think "yeah, if my self-esteem was better, I wouldn't have been in that situation". I do think that as a general rule, I think I'm a "good catch".
Tonight, Mr. Banker and I were talking about "being wanted" (physically). I said that I think it is human nature to be wanted. We have had a similar conversation regarding love. But this time, he said "I think you need to be wanted more than the average person". He didn't say this in a derogatory way, just a statement. We agreed to disagree about it and moved on to the next topic.
But here I sit after our conversation at 3am still thinking about what he said.
Do I need to feel physically wanted as a result of low self-esteem?
Or do we all have this need to feel that?
I look in the mirror and I see an attractive person who has many of the things she wants/needs in life. Yes, I see the extra weight I'm carrying around, but I don't think it defines me. But maybe I have that need to feel wanted to prove that I'm better than I was 100 pounds ago. I don't know what it is. I really have never seen this need to be wanted as a problem, until he said that I need that more than other people. The conversation wasn't at all a big deal, it was just something said in passing on another topic, but it really got me thinking about how I measure my self-worth.
I'd like to think that the two things aren't related, but if they weren't, I don't think this conversation would be bothering me.
I'd like to think that how many times I get hit on or asked out has nothing to do with how I measure my self-worth, but I think it must. Think about it this way, if you went through life looking like a beauty queen, but not once did anyone tell you you were beautiful, you probably would not feel beautiful. I think it's okay to gain some sort of confidence by other's perception of you, as long as that's not ALL you judge yourself on.