Wednesday, January 28, 2015

WLS Bullying

Have any of you noticed how much bullying exists among us in the WLS community?  I'm not necessarily referring to those of us in blogland--in fact, I've never felt bullied or anything other than the most support here in my little blog world.  But in other parts of the WLS community I've experienced a lot of "my surgery is better than yours" comments and a lot of size comparison.  It's something that I first experienced when I tried a local WLS meetup.  I was the only person with a lapband at the group and it was then that I decided I would never go back.

Now that I'm revised, I still disagree with it.  I would NEVER put someone down because they made a different decision than me.  Even with all my trouble with the band, I would never tell someone that they were making the wrong choice.  Your body, your choice.

So, what's sparked this topic of discussion, you might wonder?

Well, last month I went on a trip to meet several VSG sisters from instagram.  I was so excited about this trip.  In fact, all of these women were VSGers that I had looked up to, admired, aspired to be like...

One of the women I knew from home, we share the same doctor and I adore her.  The other 4 were IG friends, but I'd texted with 2 of them in the past and was excited for the meeting.  Almost from the very beginning, I felt like I was treated differently.

It started when they continuously told my friend that was with me how beautiful she was, and how proud of her they were.  She is incredibly beautiful, but the compliments to her were excessive and I couldn't help but notice that there was not one compliment to me.

Then there was a discussion about saggy ta-tas and apparently I was the only one in the room who hasn't lost her lady lumps since my surgery.  When I was honest about this, the overwhelming response was that my surgery "wasn't that long ago" and I "haven't lost that much weight yet".

Excuse me?  Just because I had revision 3 months ago doesn't mean I haven't been doing this whole WLS thing for over 2 years.  But I let it go, or tried to.

Then throughout the evening there were other comments about how I am not that far out from surgery yet, and when I've lost as much as they have, I'd understand what they were talking about.  Talking strictly numbers, I should add that I have lost more pounds than any of the other women there, not that I believe it's a contest, but I guess they did.

I mentioned these little stabs at me to my friend, to which she responded that it was all in my head.  I shook it off and thought perhaps she was right, until they began to post photos on instagram that they had cropped me out of.

That was a pretty obvious indication that I'd been right.

I don't know what their problem with me was.
I don't know if it's because they saw me as a failure for needing revision.
Maybe they just didn't like blondes.

All of this got to me at first, but I've gotten to the point that I realize they're just #meangirls.... a hashtag that they openly ascribe to on instagram.

That experience soured me a bit to the IG WLS community.  I haven't been on IG nearly as much and I didn't want to trash talk those girls so I kept my experience mostly to myself.  But then yesterday i was talking to Erica and I told her what happened.  She is coming to visit in October for the Obesity Help Conference and it made me realize when she got mad FOR ME how lucky I am for all of you who make a difference in my life.

I've met some amazing people on this journey through my blog.  If having to meet a few assholes means getting to know all of you amazingly supportive people, I'll deal with that any day of the week.

Thanks for your love and support! <3


  1. Ugh I am so mad for you after reading this. I thankfully have never encountered this, but then again I dont know a lot of WLS people, but the ones I do have helped me tremendously and have been a constant source of support and inspiration. I honestly dont know where I would be without the help+support you girls give

  2. I was mad for you too! You are doing great and mean girls don't need a spot in your life! Cropping you out of pictures, are we in highschool again?

  3. As a brunette I have to confess we do hate blondes. LOL. Just kidding. Looking at your picture and how much weight you've lost, and the fact you haven't lost your boobs (I never had any to start with so not something I need to worry about), it's obvious that they were jealous as hell.

  4. Yup, jealous mean girls. Shake it off, shake it off. We love you and you're gorgeous. Moving on without mean girls in your life.

  5. I told you they didn't like blondes. But it's OK. I love you Chickie.

  6. You should have spoken up and said, "HEY, I'VE LOST 120 LBS, YOU DUMB BITCHES! Don't hate cuz my boobies still look good."

    How ridiculous of them. I don't get the best WLS support on IG either, mostly from women who're on WW. lol

  7. Oh lord were too nice in not saying anything to them about the incredible accomplishments you have made with BOTH surgeries. They have no idea how hard you had to work with the band and don't have a clue...I seriously can't stand negative people and remove all of that from my circle...glad this girl Erika is such a good chick...cause I was reading this and wanted to throat punch them (P.S. I'm not a violent

  8. You all are so sweet, funny, and have I mentioned supportive?!

    I'm so glad for each and every one of you!!!

  9. Sorry you had that experience. On a positive note, at least they were paying attention to you. :-/ I can't tell you how many times I have been with a group of women and just totally been ignored. I even made a suggestion one time and it was ignored, then someone else made the same suggestion and everyone told her it was a great idea. Just was them...not you.

    1. aw hun, that's awful! it sucks that we deal with things like this, and sucks even more when it comes from people who should understand where we come from.

      i believe it makes us stronger. <3

  10. That is so crazy. I have never understood attitudes like that. Almost everyone I have met from the communities have been nice and supportive. Hopefully you just stumbled on some bad eggs.

  11. Gosh Hollee! I love you! This post is everything! So many bullies around in this community. I can't wait to see you in October!

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