2015 is here!
So far, so good! I'm finally ready to unload the stuff I have been holding back for a while. When my love life is all jumbled up, I just stop talking about it on here.
The last you all heard of Mr. Banker, I was trying reeeeeeeeally hard to leave him alone. In fact, I succeeded completely for a month. During that month he kept messaging almost daily, but I was strong and didn't let him in for 30 whole days. It was hard. It was miserable. It really sucked.
And then one day I realized I was more miserable trying to stay away than I was with him and not in a relationship. And what do you know, when I let him back in, the relationship thing happened on it's own. Yes, that's right folks, Mr. Banker and I have finally admitted that what we have is a relationship. It's about freaking time!
But...when it rains... it pours. LIKE CATS AND DOGS type pouring.
During my month break from Mr. Banker, I met S. S was everything I was looking for in almost every way-- just not Mr. Banker. S and I spent a lot of time together and it was special. It was different. It was exactly how I wanted to be treated by someone. The problem was that no matter how great it was, it was missing the fire that I have when I'm with Mr. Banker. I finally decided I had to end the progression of things with S on New Year's Day when I had some HORRIBLE guilt. I knew as much as I enjoyed time with S, as long as Mr. Banker was there, he would always be the only one. It sucked ending things with S--knowing the hurt that I caused and also it hurt me as well. I miss the friendship most of all, and I can't have it.
Less than 24 hours after telling S how I felt, Robocop showed up out of nowhere. He was promising the world-- basically offering me a lifetime of happiness. In case you all have forgotten, we had ups and downs back in 2012/2013 when I eventually chose Mr. Banker over Robocop. Robocop is stable and caring but we had our own set of issues- mostly that he wasn't sure he wanted any (more) children and my life would be incomplete without them. With all his 2015 promises, for about 12 hours, I thought I was going to try to dump Mr. Banker. I even told Mr. Banker what was going on and later had much regrets about that. Moral of the story-- you can't trade security for love.
So after those two incidents, it does seem that Mr. Banker and I are back on the right track. It's been about a month and things have been great. We've been spending a lot more time together and he's been using words like "forever" and I just have to trust that no matter how different our communication skills or love languages, we both care deeply for each other and will find our way back to one another. It's been almost 2 years and somehow we keep finding our way back to each other, and in Mr. Banker's words... "we always will".