Hollee's Weight Loss Success Story ((in progress))

 There was once a time that my blog was therapy to me.  It seems now I neglect my blog for actual therapy- but that is probably a good thing.  It has been 2 years since I wrote a post.  It isn't for lack of wanting to, I just don't want to be fake on here, and there were times that I felt like I could not be transparent or myself, so I chose not to write.  It was nothing to do with weight loss/gain- I will always be transparent there, but my life was a little upside down and sideways at times over the last few years.  I am finally at a place that I can be me, so here I am again. Being me isn't all pretty- but it's honest. The last two years have been...busy. I had my skin removal surgery on January 27, 2022.  I'm almost 19 months post-op, and it was hell!  The surgery itself went great: -Lower Body Lift with Belt Lipectomy -Breast Lift with Augmentation The healing process was the hardest.  I didn't feel like "myself" for about 6 months and t...

 A date for skin removal, that is! I got my updated quote back from the surgeon in Mexico... his results are AMAZING and the price just can't be beat.  For all procedures, he costs less than one of the procedures in the US.  I really expected his prices to go up significantly due to his popularity (he's booking 11 months out right now!) but it only went up about $900 since last time I got a quote from him. But the best news of all of this...  I decided to proceed with my deposit and when I sent it, I was careless and accidentally added an extra 0 to the end.  This left me basically paying for my surgery in full rather than just making the deposit (I owe $1000 more).  When I called the office to explain what happened and request my surgery date, due to my mistake, they were willing to move me WAYYYYY up the list.  Instead of having surgery in July/Aug 2022, they gave me a date of..... JANUARY 27, 2022.   Whhhhhhat?!!? That's 5 months away!...

 This year makes 9 years since my initial surgery.  At my lowest, I had lost 160 pounds!  I currently sit at about 130 pounds down, and am close to a healthy/maintainable weight again.  My body has been through hell- don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for it!  I love this body.  I love that it has given me two beautiful children.  I love that it endured the struggle of carrying so much excess weight until I was ready to let it go.  I love that it carries me through life well and allows me to run and play with my kids now. What I don't love is the person I see in the mirror.  I don't love my stomach, or my breasts, or my legs, or my arms.  I don't love that the trauma of being 344 pounds 10 years ago left my body different than the average 33 year old woman.  I started thinking of skin removal before I ever even lost the weight, and now here I am looking further into it when I thought it was attainable, and finding out that it may not ...

I keep writing something and deleting it.  I've done this 3x so I'm just going to make this short and simple.  A number for accountability sake, and because I often forget where I was last week or the week before.  I thought I hadn't lost any weight since my last post, but looking back, I see that I have. I'm 15.8 pounds down since beginning this reset (-126.4 from highest weight).  

 I thought I hadn't lost much weight on vacation, until I just came back here to see that my last post said I was down 8.2 pounds.  Today I'm down 12 pounds in the last two weeks, so I will call it a win! I wasn't terrible on the first half of the vacation, as I mentioned our friends are fairly healthy.  We were pretty good with food, until we had a seafood night on our last night there.  I felt pretty good about it, but then I spent the weekend with my friend from out of the country and we drank most of our calories.  Fun Fact:  Did you know that drinking alcohol while dieting slows progress because your body works harder to metabolize alcohol, therefore slowing fat loss?  (Yes I do still drink, but have made a conscious effort to drink far less over the last few weeks.) All in all, I will take a pretty decent loss over the last week to mean I did SOMETHING right. The left photo was taken the Friday before we began our diet, and on the right was taken...

Instead of having to read through a decade of posts, here is what you missed: In September 2012, I had LabBand surgery at 344.4 pounds.  I lost 120 pounds but my band leaked. I petitioned my insurance for approval to revise to RNY gastric bypass, but my insurance company messed up and only approved Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy.  I was tired of the 6 month fight so I did it, against my surgeon's warning that I would need to revise again.  I could be the exception right? I had VSG in September 2014. I had a baby in November 2015, no weight gain. I started vomiting blood by November 2016 from extreme GERD due to the VSG surgery. I petitioned my insurance for approval to revise to Gastrojejunostomy (another name for RNY, but used when it is GERD related, and not for weight loss).  It was again, a huge fight.  I didn't know if I was actually having surgery until AFTER they had already admitted me and started my IV. I revised to RNY (gastrojejunostomy) in April 2017. I...

 While it is getting easier each day, I recognize that one issue for me is a change in routine.  I can be on track, killing the nutrition and exercise (which I haven't added yet) every day of the week, but a change in my schedule is pretty hard to overcome.  I survive on routine.  Every day looks kind of the same for me and that is what works in my life. And as much as I want to get away from my house, and my dogs, and my work, I also know that those factors help drive my success.  Having access to my own food and cookware, walking the pups, and staying on a schedule.  So while this upcoming break is much desired, it is also a little anxiety inducing on the nutrition front. We're going to visit our friends at the coast on Saturday until Wednesday.  I can't wait to have a few days with Mr. Banker's godsons and our boys together, time on the beach, and time off work.  I changed jobs in March and it has been a much bigger adjustment for me than I exp...

 One week down! 6.6 pounds down! And it is certainly getting easier! The wins keep coming :).   We had a pretty good weekend and I did relax a little on the diet, especially Satrurday.  We had date night, which meant dinner and drinks out.  I had far too many calories from alcohol but otherwise I was pretty good.  I didn't overeat at dinner and it really helped me enjoy the night more. Yesterday I made up for the over indulgence of alcohol by sticking to a pretty strict diet.  I also forgot to eat because I was in the garage for a large part of the day working on a project for our back porch.  Staying busy helps and the hunger is regulating itself a little too. It is a little discouraging that my weight hasn't moved since Thursday, but I think I need to try to find some patience, because 6.6 pounds down in one week isn't insignificant.  

 Getting back on track sucks.   Regardless, I am determined to do it.  And I'm here telling you that it sucks, so that in a week or so, when my body has detoxed all the crap I've been putting in it, and I'm feeling better, you will believe me that it DOES get better.  Because if I accomplish showing just one person that you can do it, then I've done something worthwhile.  Even if that person is myself. I weighed myself this morning and found the scale 5 pounds lighter than when I started Monday.  That sounds great, but I suspect it has a lot to do with water weight.  I'll take it though.  If it helps keep me motivated, I will convince myself that this self-torture is worth it. If you are looking to come along on this journey with me, feel free to find me on the MyFitnessPal app (username holleealexandria) to see what I'm eating and follow along for meal ideas.

 Well blog friends, here I am.  I'm back.  I wrote a post a month or so ago saying that I was giving this blog up after 3 years of neglect.  But here I am.  Why? Well, I believe that success comes with forming habits.  What was I doing when I was successful at losing weight?  Counting calories, moving more, and blogging.  I think the blogging really just comes with accountability, so I'm trying it again, along with the other two. Plus, I don't think all of my friends want to hear about how fucking hungry I am 24/7.  Mr. Banker (ahem, Mr. Branch Manager now!) gets it, because he's trying to get back on track with me, and we complain to each other, but I just need to bitch a little more. Oh, by the way, I guess this was my subtle way to tell you all that Mr. Banker and I got back together 2 years ago.  Surprise! Over the last 2.5 years I have gained.  I don't even want to put the actual number down.  After my youngest was born, I...

Wow... it's been a year since I've written. I never updated you on my revision (2.0), and I'm only here because it's possible my info could be helpful to others so I thought I'd write a quick update to share. On 4/19/17, I was revised from vsg to rny. I'm finally the wls I should've had from the beginning.  The recovery was the worst. Partially though, because they did in fact not allow me any pain medication. But I made it. And surprise... the day I went back for my two week check up, I was pregnant. I had been trying for some time via donor sperm and this particular time I'd  been careless with counting days,  hadn't taken ovulation tests, but there I was... pregnant. Right after surgery. I hid my pregnancy for a while from the public, which is a huuuge reason i never updated the blog after surgery. I am now the lightest I've ever been... 161 (starting was 344.4). I'm healthy, with no further reflux.  And I'm just living life with...

Hi everyone... I've been dreading writing this blog.  But I've always wanted to be transparent, so I'm writing it.  I also don't want anyone to feel alone, and the few instances of my situation that I've read from other people give me such a sense of solidarity, that I want to give that to someone else. 5 years ago, my surgeon suggested I have gastric bypass instead of the lapband.  I was too scared and I said no. 2.5 years ago when it became clear that my band was failing, my surgeon suggested I revise to gastric bypass.  I said yes.  I learned that I needed to trust my surgeon, and so I got on board.  It was the day before surgery when my insurance said NO.  I was beyond frustrated and went forward with the sleeve even though my surgeon warned me that I may need further surgery if I had the sleeve due to already having GERD. So here we are now, and I'm revising- yet again. As soon as I was sleeved, the reflux got worse almost immediately. ...

I'm struggling. I got out of my gym contract but my former trainer's words really messed with me. I've been attending the new gym here and there but I don't think it's quite right for me. I don't feel comfortable with the child care there so I don't think I'll be going anymore. I need to find something but gyms with child care are difficult to find. I've contemplated running. A jogging stroller would only cost me about the same as a month's gym membership. I hate running, but I love the results. I always lose weight when I do HIIT cardio. I hate that I let words affect me to the point of losing my motivation. I need the exercise mentally, but I just can't find the physical drive to go right now. I hope I figure something out soon.

I'm an ESFJ (Myers-Brigs assessment). My weaknesses, if you're interested: Inflexible   Reluctant to Innovate or Improvise   Often Too Needy   Too Selfless This basically explains everything that is wrong with me. And explains why I'm so averse to change.  I HATE change.  And it feels as if the only constant in my life right now is change. First, the end of my relationship with Mr. Banker. Losing my church (also a result of Mr. Banker). Now losing my gym/trainer. The good and bad news is that the owner of the gym let me out of my contract.  That's good because I really don't think I could've worked out with old trainer again after last week.  The bad news is that prior to Thursday, I really did like him as a trainer.  I'm also losing the support of all of the women at the gym.   That's hard but I think this is the best case scenario. My old trainer from 3 years ago opened her own gym.  It used to be p...

Today my trainer called me a failure. It's been 5 hours and I can't sleep. All he sees is that I've been at the gym for 2.5 months and haven't lost one pound. That's right.... Not one effing pound. On HIS nutrition plan. Which I've felt wrong about since the beginning. So I finally made an appointment to see my surgeon. He confirmed what I already felt. 1900 calories is too many. He told me to cut them down. But he also said I'm doing great and i might have to come to terms that this is the healthy place that my body wants to stay. And I should be happy with that. Easier said than done, but I'm in a MUCH better place than I was 4 years ago before surgery. Sooooo.... then I went to the gym tonight. Before class I gave my trainer a little summary of today's appointment. He was not at all happy with being told that his nutrition plan was wrong for me. Then he took it a step too far. He told me that he has 10 other weight loss surgery patients and ...

Hi Bloggers! I try to keep my motivation to blog, but it's really hard.  I hate being a negative nancy, so I want to blog happy things, but life isn't all rainbows and butterflies.  But I'm here anyway, because several weeks ago, a follower contacted me on facebook to tell me I have really inspired her and made a difference in her life.  She isn't someone who ever commented on my blog or anything like that, so you never really know who you're inspiring. I have been going to Boot Camp religiously, but the scale hasn't moved.  I'm sitting pretty on this plateau, and although it's frustrating, I'm not surprised.  My trainer has changed my eating habits and quite honestly, I'm terrified.  He has me eating 1900 calories a day and keeping my macros at 45% protein, 35% carbs, and 20% fat.  As a weight loss surgery patient, eating 1900 calories a day is SCARY.  I can't help wondering if this is why I haven't seen a change in the scale.  I hav...

Hi Weight Loss Bloggers! It's my third full week of boot camp and it was EXACTLY what I needed. I feel refreshed and renewed. My stress level is better than it has been in a long time. I feel like I am getting physically and mentally healthier every day. I really lack self-motivation to work out, so the trainer lead classes are perfect for me. In addition to the gym, I'm tracking my nutrition every day.  I am actually doing really well. The more I exercise, the more hungry I am. As a weight loss surgery patient, that is SCARY. But I recognize it is my metabolism speeding up. I also know the importance of eating enough to produce milk for my baby, so I am letting my body lead me.   Last week I was SO hungry.  I couldn't stop myself from eating.  So I ate a pack of TUNA. I DESPISE TUNA. But I figured if I was hungry enough to eat a 3rd lunch, it should be something I hate. That proves it was body hunger and not head hunger. ...

The stress associated with breaking up, custody, and work is really starting to get to me. I got to a point that I wanted a drink every day after work, but I made the decision not to drink when alone in the company of my child, so that wasn't working out for me. So today I made the decision to go back to boot camp. A new location of Burn Bootcamp opened closer to my house... About 15 minutes away. I used to go to a different location of this franchise prior to my revision surgery. If there's a Burn Bootcamp in your location, I recommend it highly. It's some of the most intense workout you can possibly fit into 45 minutes. And I'm scared! I'm terribly out of shape. And let's be real, I'm lazy. But I need to do something to help with my current stress level. Correction....i need to do something HEALTHY to deal with it. We all know there are plenty of unhealthy things I could do, so I'm proud of myself for choosing a healthy alternative to the daily g...

I'm so full of emotion right now, and I don't know where to put it. The moment I first saw you, I realized I'd never known love before. As much as I thought I'd loved your father, it was nothing compared to the rush of love that came over me in the moments after your birth. I could hardly speak or move, I was so overcome by the feeling of love. Each day that passes, that love only grows stronger. Your father and I love you immensely. Just because we couldn't love each other the way that we deserve, doesn't mean we don't each love you with every part of our being. I want you to know that you are my world. I often feel apologetic when I look at you. I'm sorry that you won't know the love between your mother and father. I'm hopeful that one day I can show you blog posts of how deeply I fell in love with your dad and you'll know that you truly were made with the deepest love. I hope that you can forgive us for not knowing how to love one anoth...

I still have readers? I had no idea! Thank you for your love, prayers, and support. It means so much to me. This community is so awesome. The women i know through blogging have been such encouragement and support beyond weight loss and I owe you all so much gratitude. As a thank you, I'd love to share some photos of my little love, my life, Xavier. Hope you enjoy his face ALMOST as much as I do!