Life ....or Something Like it

 There was once a time that my blog was therapy to me.  It seems now I neglect my blog for actual therapy- but that is probably a good thing.  It has been 2 years since I wrote a post.  It isn't for lack of wanting to, I just don't want to be fake on here, and there were times that I felt like I could not be transparent or myself, so I chose not to write.  It was nothing to do with weight loss/gain- I will always be transparent there, but my life was a little upside down and sideways at times over the last few years.  I am finally at a place that I can be me, so here I am again.

Being me isn't all pretty- but it's honest.

The last two years have been...busy.

I had my skin removal surgery on January 27, 2022.  I'm almost 19 months post-op, and it was hell!  The surgery itself went great:

-Lower Body Lift with Belt Lipectomy

-Breast Lift with Augmentation

The healing process was the hardest.  I didn't feel like "myself" for about 6 months and that is something I was not prepared for, nor was I prepared for the weekly visits with wound care for the spots that wouldn't heal.  All is healed now and I have scars, but I also have a body that I feel confident in.

I got married in March!!!! Yes, to Mr. Banker- for any long time readers (aka Ray).  He proposed on New Year's Eve and after a few days, we randomly settled on March 18.  10 weeks to plan a micro-wedding!  We weren't going to have a wedding, but my dad expressed his disappointment in that idea and we decided it would be a good move for business purposes and went for it.  The date was going to be March 18 or later in May, because those were our only available dates at our mountain home, and we chose March.  We didn't know why.  We just both felt like it was right.  I'm so thankful we did, as my dad passed away unexpectedly 6 weeks after our wedding, at only 57 years old.

Can I just say that grief is a real bitch?  I can't even really put into words what all of this feels like.  But if you know, you know.  For the long time readers, you may also know that I have had a difficult relationship with my dad.  It was better the last few years than ever in my life- and certainly best in my adult life.  He grew to very much love Ray and considered him a son.  The Sunday before he died, he was proudly teasing me that he could "officially" call Ray his son now.  It will be a bittersweet memory for the rest of my life- he was so proud and I'm just sad he didn't get to have that for longer.

So now I am in a different phase of healing.  Trying to heal from grief, but I'm not sure that this type of wound heals- maybe we just learn to process it and live with it.  I gained weight after my dad died- about 15 pounds.  So I'm here again, struggling with my weight but still 120 pounds lighter than I was when I began this blog.  I am trying to remind myself that not taking care of his body is the reason for my dad's untimely death, and that I need to do better for myself and my children.  I don't think there will ever be a time that I don't struggle with my weight, but I will keep this reminder to take care of my body with me.

Monday I'm starting Burn Boot Camp again.  This time I have a neighbor who will start with me, which helps for accountability.

Hopefully my next post can be a little more upbeat!