My dad always says that I'm never going to find a man of quality where I live. I don't agree with him about much, but I started thinking last night that maybe he is right. Of course, he feels that way because he doesn't think much good about my area in general.
Last night I started to think about all of my friends who are married/in committed relationships. You bloggers are included in that. This thought started brewing in my mind last weekend when I was talking to Miss Lorie about how we come from different cultures. I started to realize that almost all of my happily married friends are different than me in one way... they all live in a different world than mine.
I don't consider the triangle (Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill) a BIG city, but this area is different. This is the "RESEARCH TRIANGLE", the land of science and progress. So what does that mean for me? Well, it means that job opportunities are abundant. But I think it means something else about the people too. Maybe the 'quality' people aren't looking for relationship, maybe they're more worried about bettering themselves. I'm not saying this is bad, but it makes it hard for a girl to find someone OF QUALITY to want to share a life with me. I think human nature is selfish anyway, but maybe where I live creates a different kind of selfishness...one that values personal growth above all else.
When I look at my married friends...many of them are now living in small towns with a different set of "values". Some of those values I completely disagree with, but I can't help but wonder if maybe those same religious values are the reason they have found happiness in someone else and my more secular area seems to be so lonely. I look at my local friends, many amazing talented strong kind women who are single mothers. Why is that? I am really beginning to think I just live in a "me-first" single culture.
What's a girl to do? No amount of weight I lose is going to change the people around me. I have been struggling lately, but it's brought some introspection that maybe I needed to see. The other night I asked an ex why we didn't work out. He said "I think we both just made mistakes which caused it not to work. You have a lot to offer and you are a really sweet person who I love spending time with. The only thing that gets me is your self image issues. You shouldn't be that way because you are beautiful Hollee. You need to love yourself before anyone else will." But that's the thing. I do love myself. I may not always love my body, but I love who I am as an individual. I KNOW I have a lot to offer someone. No amount of weight lost is going to change who I am as far as that goes. I'm just not sure anymore that I will find someone who will appreciate who I am where I am.