Thursday, January 2, 2014

What is wrong with me?

Am I not pretty enough?

Am I too fat?

What am I doing wrong?

Is this karma for something I did when I was younger and less mature?

Am I not good enough?  Am I TOO good?

I used to think if I lost weight, I would find the right guy.  Don't get me wrong, I get plenty of male attention, and truth be told, I was never short on flirts even at my highest weight.  The problem is the KIND of men I meet.

A married man.

A guy who beat me up.

Now one who could have everything with me, and can't commit.

I have on many occasions been told that I'm 'too good'.  That I just give of myself freely and don't expect much in return, and so these people I allow into my life also don't expect that they have to give much.

I want someone who gives of me the way I give of myself.  Someone kind and caring.  Someone who will need to be with me after seeing how good I am.  I deserve that.