Dating on a different planet
My dad always says that I'm never going to find a man of quality where I live. I don't agree with him about much, but I started thinking last night that maybe he is right. Of course, he feels that way because he doesn't think much good about my area in general.
Last night I started to think about all of my friends who are married/in committed relationships. You bloggers are included in that. This thought started brewing in my mind last weekend when I was talking to Miss Lorie about how we come from different cultures. I started to realize that almost all of my happily married friends are different than me in one way... they all live in a different world than mine.
I don't consider the triangle (Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill) a BIG city, but this area is different. This is the "RESEARCH TRIANGLE", the land of science and progress. So what does that mean for me? Well, it means that job opportunities are abundant. But I think it means something else about the people too. Maybe the 'quality' people aren't looking for relationship, maybe they're more worried about bettering themselves. I'm not saying this is bad, but it makes it hard for a girl to find someone OF QUALITY to want to share a life with me. I think human nature is selfish anyway, but maybe where I live creates a different kind of selfishness...one that values personal growth above all else.
When I look at my married friends...many of them are now living in small towns with a different set of "values". Some of those values I completely disagree with, but I can't help but wonder if maybe those same religious values are the reason they have found happiness in someone else and my more secular area seems to be so lonely. I look at my local friends, many amazing talented strong kind women who are single mothers. Why is that? I am really beginning to think I just live in a "me-first" single culture.
What's a girl to do? No amount of weight I lose is going to change the people around me. I have been struggling lately, but it's brought some introspection that maybe I needed to see. The other night I asked an ex why we didn't work out. He said "I think we both just made mistakes which caused it not to work. You have a lot to offer and you are a really sweet person who I love spending time with. The only thing that gets me is your self image issues. You shouldn't be that way because you are beautiful Hollee. You need to love yourself before anyone else will." But that's the thing. I do love myself. I may not always love my body, but I love who I am as an individual. I KNOW I have a lot to offer someone. No amount of weight lost is going to change who I am as far as that goes. I'm just not sure anymore that I will find someone who will appreciate who I am where I am.
Last night I started to think about all of my friends who are married/in committed relationships. You bloggers are included in that. This thought started brewing in my mind last weekend when I was talking to Miss Lorie about how we come from different cultures. I started to realize that almost all of my happily married friends are different than me in one way... they all live in a different world than mine.
I don't consider the triangle (Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill) a BIG city, but this area is different. This is the "RESEARCH TRIANGLE", the land of science and progress. So what does that mean for me? Well, it means that job opportunities are abundant. But I think it means something else about the people too. Maybe the 'quality' people aren't looking for relationship, maybe they're more worried about bettering themselves. I'm not saying this is bad, but it makes it hard for a girl to find someone OF QUALITY to want to share a life with me. I think human nature is selfish anyway, but maybe where I live creates a different kind of selfishness...one that values personal growth above all else.
When I look at my married friends...many of them are now living in small towns with a different set of "values". Some of those values I completely disagree with, but I can't help but wonder if maybe those same religious values are the reason they have found happiness in someone else and my more secular area seems to be so lonely. I look at my local friends, many amazing talented strong kind women who are single mothers. Why is that? I am really beginning to think I just live in a "me-first" single culture.
What's a girl to do? No amount of weight I lose is going to change the people around me. I have been struggling lately, but it's brought some introspection that maybe I needed to see. The other night I asked an ex why we didn't work out. He said "I think we both just made mistakes which caused it not to work. You have a lot to offer and you are a really sweet person who I love spending time with. The only thing that gets me is your self image issues. You shouldn't be that way because you are beautiful Hollee. You need to love yourself before anyone else will." But that's the thing. I do love myself. I may not always love my body, but I love who I am as an individual. I KNOW I have a lot to offer someone. No amount of weight lost is going to change who I am as far as that goes. I'm just not sure anymore that I will find someone who will appreciate who I am where I am.
Were are the like minded people in your area? Are there clubs or such you can join that may expose you to a different social group?
ReplyDeleteAnd good luck Hollee! I agree with all of the things you said about your self. I also know dating SUCKS! I never want to be single again.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you need to look into other ways to meet people. I joined a softballteam, was in a book club, and took classes through the community rec center. Have you thought about going back to school! Even just a fun class through the community college can introduce you to a number of new and interesting people... Any one of which could lead to your soul mate.
ReplyDelete^^What they said! Joining a club or group of some sort...check on the Meetin.org site for activities and things that happen in your area. When I was single finding like minded friends was the best...they have friends...who have friends... etc. ;)
ReplyDeleteIt really is sad that we can't see ourselves through other peoples eyes. I think I have read all of your blogs and you truly seem to be a great woman and any man would be lucky to have you... But you do have to kiss lots of frogs before you find that prince. I believe that you will. I know that you love your Banker but I just don't think that in the long run he can make you happy because from the sounds of it he has some issues that he needs to deal with first. JMO. Just poll your friends and see how many of them found "the one" when/ and where they least expected it! Hang in there Hollee and keep being the best woman you can be!! I think you are pretty amazing and you inspire me!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are making me THINK today, girl! I met John when I was about 27. A few days before my mom and I were driving in the car somewhere, talking about life and I told her: "I just want to meet someone who is smart, funny, and above all else, kind." I don't put much into the whole "declaring your intention to the Universe" thing, but I look back now and realize that was exactly what I was doing. "Naming it, and claiming it", you know?
ReplyDeleteAs for the whole small town thing, I feel like I can speak to this. I've lived all my life in a small town. A small, Southern town, no less. As a progressive, liberal woman, it has been really hard at times. I totally agree with the others who have already said you've got to find your like-minded souls. Your tribe, so to speak. They are out there, I promise. And because you live in a huge city, there will be more "quality people" to choose from when you do find them.
Here is what I know for sure though...you are AMAZING. I am continually inspired by you. You are funny, smart, and from what I can tell...one hell of a good person. Know that.
I grew up in a very idyllic small town but now I live in a big city. There are vast differences for sure. I also see that there is something each "lifestyle" can offer. I met my husband at my in-between spot, the medium sized college town where we both went to school. I agree that trying some different scenes than what you are used to may put the right someone in your path.
ReplyDelete