Monday, April 29, 2013

Help!!!! Me pick my birthday dress

Ahhhhhhhhhh.... I hate making decisions!!!!!

I originally bought the white dress and now I feel self conscious in it.

I bought the gold dress for my birthday last year only to discover a few days before my birthday that there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell of me zipping it up.

The black and snakeskin is too big and will need to be altered if I wear it. But I've never worn it in public.

Choose for me!!!! Pleeeeeease

Sunday, April 28, 2013

25 Things

I'm turning 25 at the end of this week so I wanted to write 25 things I'm thankful I can now do that I couldn't do at this time last year in celebration of another year of life.
1. Buckle an airplane seat belt.
2. Shop in a non plus size section of a store.
3. Snugly squeeze in a size 12 dress!!!
4. Run more than 30 seconds!
5. Go on a blind date without wondering if he's going to think I look fatter than my pictures.
6. Climb the Eiffel Tower!!!
7. Get excited about having my picture taken.
8. Sorry for TMI...but "adult time" is so much more fun!
9. Step on the scale to see a number that begins with 2.
10. Finish a whole Zumba class.
11. "Get low" dancing and get back up.
12. Feel full!
13. Get drunk off of 2 glasses of wine lol.
14. Paint my own toes. (Although I still prefer not to)
16. There's a store that sells athletic apparel for my alma mater, and for the first time, I bought a jacket from the women's section!
17. Hear my dad say he is proud of me for something.
18. Not wake up thinking about food.
19. Not go to sleep thinking about food.
20. Not wonder how awful people who haven't seen me in a while will think I look.
21. Buy my fabulous birthday dress without ANY frustration over a dress I want not fitting.
22. No longer fit in the morbidly obese category.
23. Wear heels more comfortably.
24. Throw out my entire wardrobe because it is too big for a change!
25. Feel more comfortable in my own skin!!
I cannot wait to see what the next year has in store for me!

P.S. I was feeling really sexy Saturday night and took this pic.  I never would've WILLINGLY taken a full body pic a year ago!  (I guess that's #26, so one to grow on haha)

Friday, April 26, 2013

Happy Friday

Now that's more like it!!

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Dear Lap Band

Dear Fickle Band (a.k.a. Allie from Allergan),

I can't understand why you don't like food after exercise.  After several failed attempts to eat after running group, I've decided you just WILL NOT allow me to eat after I've gone running.  At first, I just wasn't hungry so I didn't try.  Then, hunger struck on days 4 and 5.  You've now ruined my favorite yogurt and my "pastaless lasagna" meal for me for a while, after spending 30-45 minutes trying to yack up 2-3 bites of food.

It isn't fun.

So what am I supposed to do?  I can't eat several hours before running, or I get stomach cramps, and if I can't eat after running, that means I've missed a meal and a snack.  This isn't good for my metabolism.

I have dealt with your fickle-ness over stress, causing my hair to fall out, the fact that you HATE bread and crackers, throwing up that cake sample in my work parking lot yesterday.  I gave up soda and beer for you.  Can't you just allow me some yogurt a few hours after a run? Pretty please.  At least take it into consideration, because I'm a stubborn taurus, and I know at some point I'm going to try this post-exercise eating again, and I'd like it to go better next time.

Your frustrated body host,
Hollee </3

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

WTH WIW

I got an adjustment Thursday. Since then my diet has mainly been Greek yogurt, string cheese, and cottage cheese. I'm running and exercising more than ever in my life.

So how did I gain 1.2 pounds this week?!?!

Monday, April 22, 2013

C25K W2D1

I blog a lot, but this is a first for me. Two blog entries in one day!

I'm still doing C25K and our group has grown a bit. Another friend, Kira, has joined and Kelly's boyfriend Rigel has started running with us too.

I was nervous for today. Today's runs were 90 seconds each. I completed the first two sets and then I had to go at my own pace. I still am not last and I feel stronger every day. Today I completed the activity 4 minutes faster than Saturday for basically the same distance. Including our 7 minute warm up walk, today I ran/walked 2.13 miles in 33 minutes. :) :) :)

Kelly, Rigel, and I arrived early and did a warm up 1.2 mile walk also. I really feel good. I like this and hate it at the same time, hard to explain how that's possible. I just feel so good afterward and it doesn't matter that I'm slow or that I'm *almost* last. I still feel good and I feel like I'm accomplishing something!!

Also...I may be slightly obsessed with the idea of running a 5k. I signed up for another one today.... On June 22, I'll be doing this:

Fat Girl Therapy

I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same.  I do not look the same. 

Phew... I needed to do that.  Because 99% of the time, I don't feel like I look different.  Then I came across a photo this weekend from the day I decided I was going to change something.  July 4 last year I was in Miami and I decided when I got home I was going to schedule my Lap Band consultation.  Here's a pic from that day:


And here is a photo of me this weekend, squeezing into a size 12 dress a friend gave me...

I really think I am going to write that phrase over and over again on my bathroom mirror tonight so that I will start believing it.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Shiny Toy Guns Concert!

I have had a really terrible week so I thought I'd blog about something I LOVE....Shiny Toy Guns!

A little Flashback Friday photo:
DECEMBER 3, 2007


Me and Carah Faye <3

Wednesday was my 8th Shiny Toy Guns concert.  This time was a little different though, since I've met some cool people over the last year.  In November, I met a girl completely by fate online who is a huge fan and goes to the college I attended, less than 20 minutes from where I now live.  We drove to DC together for a concert after only meeting one time in person before.  Here are a few photos from that show:

NOVEMBER 4, 2012

Lauren is an amazing photographer.  This is Carah Faye

Carah and Chad having a moment.

Me and Lauren after the show.  I think I was 27 pounds down at this point.



APRIL 17, 2013

The show on Wednesday was a lot different.  Instead of being another fan like usual, I was helping to promote the Satellite group (Shiny Toy Guns street team) to fans, which allowed me back stage access.

A photo from backstage (Chad and Jeremy)

I spent a lot of time promoting the Satellite group, but a good friend from college came to the show and it was so good to hang out with him!

Me and Adam... Disclaimer: That is NOT my beer.

Since I'd been busy "working" during the fan meet and greet, STG came out to say hi and take a photo with us.  It was really cool that they took the time out because it was late and it was obvious they were kind of "in" for the evening.

Adam, Mikey (Drummer), Me, Carah (Vocals, Guitar), Chad (Vocals, Guitar), and Jeremy
P.S. apparently my camera lens was dirty, not my pants lol

I wish I could see the 50ish pound loss from the November concert more, but I wont complain.  By the next time I see them, whenever that may be, I hope to be at goal!

The show itself was amazing, as always.  There's something about the combination of loud music, bright lights, and singing fans that Shiny Toy Guns just GETS RIGHT.  Even though the venue was nowhere near sold out, the crowd seemed to Love STG, even those who had never heard of them before.

This was definitely the highlight to my otherwise completely shitty week!



Wednesday, April 17, 2013

7 month Bandiversary + WIW

Happy 7 Months since getting Lap Band!

And a Happy Day it IS!!  Officially 75 pounds lost in 7 months! Yay!


That means I have 69.1 pounds to go until I get to "Onederland".

My goal of 200 pounds might seem like a pretty high weight to most of y'all.  But here's an old photo of me at about 200 pounds:

Emily, Me, and Steffi- age 15

So, that's what I intend to look like at goal, plus 10 years lol.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

First Couch to 5k Practice

Do you recognize me not all made up?  I know, it's not pretty lol.

All day yesterday, I was dreading the first couch to 5k practice.  I'm not a runner.  I never have been. I don't even want to be "a runner", I just want to be able to run without dying.

My friend Kelly (red shorts) came with me.  I was happy to know someone going!  I had several other friends say they would come, but they didn't make it.  The trainer, Joe (a very attractive, fit older man) is not pictured since he was behind the camera.

We started with a 7 minute warm up walk.  Then 60 seconds of running followed by 90 seconds of walking.  The running/walking routine was repeated 6 times.  I think it was supposed to be repeated 8 times, but he cut us a break.  It was a total of 35 minutes running/walking. 

Honestly, I did better than I thought.  I ran the first 4 sets completely, and the last 2 I walked a small part of the running set.  I was NOT the last one, so that felt really good.  Truthfully I expected to be dead last. 

Everyone was really nice and I actually enjoyed myself.  I look forward to going back.  Unfortunately I can't go to Wednesday's group because of the Shiny Toy Guns concert, but Kelly and I are planning to run today and Thursday to make up for that.

I can't wait to get better at this!

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Spring cleaning


I had to do something this weekend to take my mind off of my hunger. Saturday I thought I was going to eat myself out of house and home. So in addition to walking for several hours and joining a pick up basketball game Saturday and hiking today, I did some spring cleaning.

I decided to clean out my closets of all clothes that no longer fit. Here's my donation list so far:
29 dresses
16 shirts
2 dress pants
9 pairs of jeans
1 pair of shorts
2 skirts
3 sweaters
3 Capri's

Needless to say, my closet is looking pretty bare. I haven't gone through the 3 hampers of clothes I washed today so I'm sure there will be more to add to the list. Well...hopefully it will be a good tax deduction for 2013.

I also rewarded myself with a few new items of clothing today. 3 new shirts and a pair of black Capri pants. The size 14 fit in the pants but I want to wear them with a sheer top to a concert on Wednesday so I didn't want to have and fat roll hanging over-I went with the size 16 lol.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Emergency Unfill...womp womp...

I was SO excited yesterday to get a fill.  I've been sooo stinkin hungry the last few weeks.

Sadly, that 1.4 CC fill was way too much.  By 7pm, I couldn't swallow my own saliva and ended up at the hospital for an emergency unfill.  The on-call bariatric surgeon took 2 CC's out, so now I'm more hungry than ever!

I'll try another fill next thursday.

#BandedGirlProblems

Thursday, April 11, 2013

I'm Obese.... YAYYYY!

WHY is that exciting, you might ask yourself?

Because I'm no longer Morbidly Obese.  I've finally hit that 39.9 BMI!  My starting BMI was 50.8.  I've dropped over 10 points on the chart in 8 months :)


At the Doctor today, I weighed in at 270.5.  That's a 1.9 pound decrease since Tuesday, so that is good news. 

The bad news is that I may have overdid it today at the Dr.  He finally complied with my request to give me a bigger fill.  He added 1.4 CC's to my band and it is TIGHT.  I came to work and was starving, so I took 2 bites of my Fage with Honey (typical post-adjustment meal) and they came right back up.  Currently even tiny sips of my Gatorade have me feeling uncomfortable.  Hopefully this is just some swelling from the adjustment and I'll be back to "normal" by tomorrow. 

What is "normal" these days anyway?

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Couch to 5K!

First...seriously...why didn't any of you tell me yesterday was definitely not Wednesday?

Anywho...

When I first had surgery, I made a goal of running a 5K.  I didn't say by when or anything, just that I'd like to do that someday.  Truth is, since surgery, I haven't pushed myself physically like I should.  I have worked out but I haven't worked TOWARD any specific goal.

So Monday, my friend Patrice asked if I wanted to run a 5K with her on July 26.  I reluctantly agreed.  July 26 is far enough away that I think I can do it.

Sooooo...on July 26, 2013, I will be running the Electric Run in Charlotte, NC!!


Luckily, I also happened to find a meetup group in my area that begins next MONDAY!  Perfect timing.  It is an 8 week couch to 5K group, and hopefully they mean that very literally.  I'm definitely not a runner, although I do walk a lot with my dog.  So cross your fingers for me!  Hopefully this C25K group can get me ready for the run in July! 

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

WTF WIW

I gained 1.2 pounds since last Wednesday. I can't say I'm surprised. As mentioned in last week's TTT, I'm starving!!!

Can't wait for my adjustment Thursday. I'm doing better controlling my hunger these last few days but I couldn't reverse all of last week's damage before today's weigh in. Oh well.

Monday, April 8, 2013

My First Meetup

I never got into the meetup.com craze like some of my friends did.  I had one friend who was going to meetup groups every week.

About a month ago I was researching support groups because I really want to meet other people who've had WLS that I could talk to, face to face.  I found this group on meetup.com for people in the Raleigh area who have had or are considering having any type of weight loss surgery.  Raleigh is only about 30 minutes from me and I don't mind the drive, so I signed up.  Their first meeting since signing up was while I was on vacation, so Saturday was my first opportunity to go.

The group definitely was not what I was originally looking for, but it was nice to be around people who understood things I'm going to.  The group however seemed to have a pretty low opinion of Gastric Banding (preferring the sleeve or bypass) and there was only one other person there who had the band.  She was banded the first time 10 years ago, and just had her first band replaced in November.  Unfortunately since the replacement she hasn't been doing as well and has gained 20 pounds.  There was one other person at the meeting who seemed to be struggling with his weight loss (RNY 3 years ago and curently 140 pounds down, 70 pounds to go).  Everyone else though was doing spectacularly. 

It was so encouraging to see so many successes in progress!  Even the two people who were having 'trouble' had been pretty successful in my opinion.  10 years keeping the weight off is fantastic, and the fact that this woman was at the meeting tells me she's doing everything she can to get that 20 pound gain under control.  And losing 140 pounds is definitely not a failure in my book!

Overall I think it was a good experience.  Unsure if I'll go back.  I wish I could find a group of people who are closer to my age...and being banded is definitely different in some ways than other WLS so that would be cool too.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Hello BCBG!

I went shopping today and picked up this lovely BCBG dress in a size L. I had no hope of it fitting, I just grabbed it to try, but that was quickly smashed when the sales guy snatched it from me to give to my baby cousin. Apparently he decided there was no way it would fit me.

Guess what MF'er....it fits!

But I was not paying $125 for it (and that was on sale)...

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Ten Things Thursday

I've never participated in TTT... so let's give it a shot.

1.  I am a procrastinator.

2.  I have ((undiagnosed)) OCD...funny how #1 and #2 can work in the same person.

3.  My 25th birthday is exactly 1 month away!!!

4.  I have a 3 year old Miniature Australian Shepherd named Wrangler.  If you look back through my photos, he likes to sneak into them (especially my mirror pics in the dining room).  Last year he went missing on February 16, and after searching and searching, I found him on March 13.  Luckiest day of my life.  I love that dog.


5.  I have really awesome friends and family.  A huge thank you to Arran, Patrice, Alissa, Cathey, Keli, Lauren, Kira, Savannah, Kaleigh, Jena, Sara, Anna, Becca, Kevin, Kelly, Jessica, Jenni, Nikki, Stephani and Katie for all of your love and support over these last months! I couldn't do it without everyone's support.

6.  I have terrible baby fever...always.

7.  I have a Bachelor's degree in Psychology, but I work on clinical research for Autoimmune Disease Drugs.  I love my job 19 days out of 20.

8.  I hate to exercise, but I try sooooo hard.

9.  I've mentioned this briefly before on a previous blog, but my favorite band of all time is Shiny Toy Guns!  My oldest sister introduced me to the band in 2005 when she dated the drummer and I've been hooked since.  I get to see them again in 2 weeks!

10.  Last but definitely not least:  I'M SO HUNGRY! I don't know WTF is wrong with me, but this week has been such a challenge.  I'm sooo hungry.  I don't know if it's because the fill last Friday was not under fluoroscopy so it's not tight enough or what, but all I think about this week is FOOD!!!!  Except in the morning time.  In the morning, I wake up and try to eat and the thought of food just turns my stomach.  So instead, I pack my breakfast in my lunchbox and eat it when I get to work.  Then I just want to eat all day long.  I also found out a friend/coworker is pregnant and I'm the only one who knows, I told her that keeping it secret is giving me sympathy pregnancy symptoms.  Regardless of the reason, I'm tired of it.  I feel like I could eat everything in sight this week!!  I went ahead and made an appointment to see my surgeon next Thursday (11April) in the Raleigh office so he can look at how tight my band is under fluoroscopy and adjust me accordingly.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

WIW

1.6 pound loss since last week. Last night my scale said 279 and I was freaking out. WTF...

Starting weight: 344
Last week's weight: 272.8
Total loss: 72.8 pounds!!!

Monday, April 1, 2013

Much anticipated NSV

I have ALWAYS been that girl who ends up barefoot at the club/party/walking down the street at 3am.  I enjoy wearing heels, even though I'm 5'9, but my feet don't enjoy it so much.  Before surgery, I wondered if losing weight would make supporting myself in heels a bit easier, and I finally got the answer.

The shoes pictured above are some of my favorite warm weather fun going out shoes.  The last time I wore them was last July to a party in Raleigh, and my feet were aching within an hour.  I spent quite a bit of the time sitting that night.  So, Saturday night I went out to celebrate my new single status with my friend and a cousin.  I decided I would give my lovely gold snakeskin wedges another try, and guess what?  At the end of the night, I was still standing, and still wearing my shoes!

What a difference going from 344---->272 makes!

Here are a couple of other photos from the evening:



Just for comparison...this is what I looked like in JULY when I wore the shoes last... I do see a big difference: