In about 22 hours I will be running the electric run 5k with Patrice and 2 other friends. Exciting? I guess.
I was really excited about my mini trip with friends until Wednesday...then my spirit got broken.
When I first signed up for the electric run in April with Patrice, she couldn't stop talking about us getting together to pick costumes to run in. The VERY FIRST THING I said was "I don't care what we wear, just please keep my body type in mind." Patrice was insistent I'd be at my goal weight by the race, but I knew I wasn't going to lose 80 pounds in 4 months. As someone who has never struggled with her weight, I guess she has no concept of how difficult it is or how long it takes to lose a total of 150 pounds. Anyway, she finally agreed to be mindful of me with whatever she picked.
Two weeks ago, she sent a link to a light up tutu one of the girls purchased for the race. It was cute....but it was "one size fits most", and according to the sizing chart, "most" are an 8-10. I responded the tutu wouldn't fit me and she only said "ok" so I assumed that meant "ok we will pick something else".
By Wednesday, when Patrice hadn't mentioned costumes with only two days left to the race, I asked. Apparently the three other girls chose to get the tutus anyway.
My feelings were so hurt. I cried for over an hour at work because I felt so left out. I even started to think about not going to the race anymore.
I took a few hours to think about it, and finally sent Patrice a text to tell her I wasn't going to Charlotte for the run. She asked why and I just told her I was hurt and upset that they would be so inconsiderate of my feelings. Apparently it hadn't occurred to her that I would feel this way and she offered to not wear her tutu so I would feel more comfortable. That wasn't the point.
I appreciate the after thought, but it just reminds me of why I don't want to be the fat friend anymore! I guess I'll just file this away in my motivation folder and move on.
I ended up buying some Tulle and making my own tutu. It isn't fancy, sexy, and have lights on it like theirs, but it will have to do. I feel a little like a cow in it too, but I want to wear it anyway.
Hopefully it can still be a good night :-/