Final Farewell + My Dirty Laundry
Disclaimer: None of this is WLS related
So about a month ago, I was struggling with whether or not to try to move forward with Banker/Robocop. I thought I wanted Banker but he seemed to disappear while Robocop was treating me like I felt I deserved. So since the day I first saw Robocop, I didn't see Banker...until Friday. And I felt terribly GUILTY. Sunday when I saw Robocop, I could hardly even speak to him, because I felt that I was going to spill all my secrets and tell him I'd seen Banker Friday evening after work.
So knowing all that, maybe I was just looking for a way out. I'm not sure.
Last night, Robocop came over and he was playing on his brand new Kindle Fire. I noticed he'd downloaded the dating site app and I thought that was curious. He took a nap and I decided I'd look if there was no password. I know, I know....snooping isn't good. I don't want to be a snooper. But I did it anyway. Instead of going to the dating app, my fingers somehow navigated to his facebook. I was appalled at his private messages.
How could I feel guilty about seeing one person, and he was consistently talking about sleeping with other people??? Men!
When I confronted him, I didn't tell him how much I'd read, and he swore he hadn't slept with anyone else. His words got nasty because I'd been sooooo wrong to invade his privacy. Yes, I was wrong, but my wrong does not negate his. I apologized for looking through his private belongings, but he never had any apology for how hurt I was over the things I'd read.
I don't know if I was acting out of my own guilt or seeking a way out, but I definitely read more than I needed to know that he wasn't the one for me. I'm pretty hurt over it, but not surprised.
At least I still have Banker. I was honest with him about Robocop and he was happy with my honesty. I may be a lot of things, but a liar is not one of them. Had Robocop asked me, I would've told him too.
So about a month ago, I was struggling with whether or not to try to move forward with Banker/Robocop. I thought I wanted Banker but he seemed to disappear while Robocop was treating me like I felt I deserved. So since the day I first saw Robocop, I didn't see Banker...until Friday. And I felt terribly GUILTY. Sunday when I saw Robocop, I could hardly even speak to him, because I felt that I was going to spill all my secrets and tell him I'd seen Banker Friday evening after work.
So knowing all that, maybe I was just looking for a way out. I'm not sure.
Last night, Robocop came over and he was playing on his brand new Kindle Fire. I noticed he'd downloaded the dating site app and I thought that was curious. He took a nap and I decided I'd look if there was no password. I know, I know....snooping isn't good. I don't want to be a snooper. But I did it anyway. Instead of going to the dating app, my fingers somehow navigated to his facebook. I was appalled at his private messages.
How could I feel guilty about seeing one person, and he was consistently talking about sleeping with other people??? Men!
When I confronted him, I didn't tell him how much I'd read, and he swore he hadn't slept with anyone else. His words got nasty because I'd been sooooo wrong to invade his privacy. Yes, I was wrong, but my wrong does not negate his. I apologized for looking through his private belongings, but he never had any apology for how hurt I was over the things I'd read.
I don't know if I was acting out of my own guilt or seeking a way out, but I definitely read more than I needed to know that he wasn't the one for me. I'm pretty hurt over it, but not surprised.
At least I still have Banker. I was honest with him about Robocop and he was happy with my honesty. I may be a lot of things, but a liar is not one of them. Had Robocop asked me, I would've told him too.
i know i don't know you and only know what i've read that you post here, and this probalby isn't anything new--but you really need to get over Robocop--kick him to the curb, and move on. stop letting him back in. he's nothing but a negative hit to your psyche. he's like a hit of a cigarette and your a reformed smoker. you quit cold turkey, and you do really good--but then that craving hits you and you sneak a smoke just to see if it still feels the same. disclaimer--i've never smoked, but my dad did and i think that this is how it was for him.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, you are young and beautiful and smart and you deserve SO MUCH BETTER than Robocop. Respect your self, and let him go. it will be worth it in the end.
Thank you :) I know that it is really over this time. I cannot un-read the things I read. And the fact that he wasn't the least bit remorseful as I sat there and I know he could see the pain/sadness in my face.
DeleteI am sorry girl!
ReplyDeleteDang it! I am telling you, you deserve to be treated exactly like you have always dreamed of. You just make sure and take care of you and the right person will come around. Until then, don't let crazy men suck the life out of you and keep you from remembering how amazing you are.
ReplyDeleteHollee robocop sounds like a real bore anyway... He came over played on his kindle and then took a nap? Good call on sticking with the banker!
ReplyDeleteAhahaha, you make me smile Donna. Yeah, a little boring I'll admit. One of my pet peeves is someone who sleeps all the time... drove me nuts!
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