Friday, August 30, 2013

Friday Funk

It's Friday.  I made it through my first week at the new job.  It's Labor Day weekend so I get an extra day off work.

So why am I in a freaking funk?

Well, there's a lot of little reasons that all just seem to add up to an emotional wreck right now.  I don't even want to talk about things on my blog I am so upset.  You know it's bad when I don't want to express myself here, because you all are such an outlet and good support system for me.

So, please send me your positive vibes.

I will end on some kind of positive note.
Yesterday was the first football game of the season.  UNC got murdered.  But in the spirit of football, I came across an old picture from 2011:

Then compared it to this photo from yesterday morning: least that felt good....  I feel like I look half as wide.
I'm going to have to take another photo on the field like that, because I do think it is such a cool photo.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013


Do you ever feel like you're re-inventing yourself every day that you make the right food choices?  Every day that you step on the scale?  Every work out?  Every time you log your food?

This isn't a diet, this is a little part of what I've spent the last 18 months of my life doing.  It has been a life over-haul.

I bought a home.

I removed some toxic people from my life.

I had surgery.

I started eating healthier.

I began exercising.

And now I'm beginning my career again at a new company.

Honestly, choosing to change jobs has probably been the hardest decision of this re-invention process.  Why?  I wasn't miserable at my old job.  I just needed more money/recognition.  I learned valuable skills and made lasting friendships there.  So the decision to leave was not an easy one.  I know that money isn't everything, but I've been really financially struggling for a while.

So yesterday I began my new career at my new company.  I can tell there are some things I will love and some things I will hate, but overall, I feel that I have made the right move for my career right now.

At my old company, I was reminded over and over again that I could come back if I was unhappy, and I just need to get that thought out of my head.  I need to go forward with the idea that I'm going to be happy at this new place and it is going to be a great opportunity for growth.  All of the people on the team have been so great.  I'm not the only new one in my department.  Of less than 10 Data Management personnel, 4 of us have started in the last 6 weeks.  It is nice that I wont be the only one stumbling through alone.  This new company has less structure and documented processes.  This has it's benefits and weaknesses---it can be hard to know what is expected without the processes, but starting new means maybe I can be the one to help put these processes in place and help to make the company better.

You know what else is great?

I've just pushed my re-set button.  I'm somewhere new.  No one there knows the size 26 Hollee.  They are meeting the size 14/16 confident version of me.  I didn't realize how nice that would feel.  To know that none of them have this preconceived idea about me based on the fact that I'm morbidly obese.  It's nice to get a fresh start sometimes.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Who says exercise ISN'T important?

My surgeon.  That's who.

Has he lost his freaking mind?

That is not something you should EVER tell someone who is trying to be isn't all about the number of pounds I shed each week if my body is becoming stronger and healthier each week regardless of what the scale says.

I had my first clinic visit since my 2 week post surgery check-up.  That is 10.5 months without talking to my surgeon.  I got there and the office was PACKED!

I waited almost 2 hours before a resident came into my room.  She looked at my loss and said "So what's the problem?"  I told her I didn't have any problems, that Dr. Yoo requested the visit.  So she asked for a recap of my loss and when I told her my overall loss and loss over the last 4 weeks, she said she had no clue why Dr. Yoo requested I come in and I could leave.  I told her if I didn't see Dr. Yoo, not only was I going to be really freaking angry, but I was going to go ask for a refund of my $50 copay because it was pointless for me to take a day off work and come in.

So Dr. Yoo came in and reiterated that I was one of his best band patients and that he just wanted to make sure I was doing what I need to do to succeed now that we're a year out.  So he tells me that there are two ways people try to lose weight: 1) Exercise 2) Nutrition (duh!) but exercise doesn't really do the trick.

What?  So did I just imagine losing more weight when I started running?  I don't think so.
I even said that to him...he told me it wasn't the exercise, but the attitude that comes from exercising that makes me lose weight.  He said "No one runs a 5k and then thinks 'oh a chocolate milkshake would be good right now'"  yeah...I have, but whatever.

He said if I had an extra hour per day, instead of spending it running, I should figure out how to get in my proper nutrition during that time.  I may not agree with his assessment on exercise not being valuable, but I'm going to try his other advice.  He wants me eating 200 calories every 3 hours.  I did a HORRIBLE job of this this weekend, but I'm going to TRY to do it this coming week.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Weigh in Thursday

-0.8 since last week.

Today is my last day at my current company....hello emotions.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Rushing correlated with Obesity?

This morning, I went to the UNC football coach's kickoff breakfast with my coworker.  She has an awesome company that does college heels (go to The Fan Feet website if you want to see if they make your school!) so she always has the opportunity to go to cool events for UNC athletics, and she invited me along.

I got to the breakfast and I knew I wouldn't be able to eat much.  It was buffet style.  I picked up a small bowl of oatmeal and topped it with a little brown sugar and walnuts and I got a piece of veggie quiche.  I started with the Oatmeal and it didn't cause any discomfort, but I'd only gotten maybe 3 spoonfulls so I was still hungry after finishing.  I decided to try the quiche, very slowly.  During the time I was trying to eat, I practiced putting my fork down in order to make sure I didn't eat too fast.  I was approached 5 times by servers asking to take my plate.  I definitely wasn't done!  But I guess putting my fork down was the new signal to tell the waiter I'm done.  I finally gave up on the 5th time and just let them take my plate away because they were bugging me!

But seriously, does EVERYONE keep their fork in their hands all the time these days?  Is it really that common to be finished with your meal in ten minutes?  I am serious, the server tried to take my plate the first time after TEN FREAKING MINUTES!  Granted, the other people at my table had all scarfed their breakfasts down at this point, but I clearly had barely touched my plate.  It just made me think that maybe this common trend is part of what's leading to obesity in America.  Maybe it is just common to eat everything on your plate as quickly as possible.  I think I was probably that way prior to surgery, but it's been almost a year and I don't remember that so well.  I do remember other bad habits, like drinking 6 glasses of water with my meal, but I'm sure I was a member of "eat as fast as possible until your plate is clean" club too.

Fan Feet heels!
I have both of the pairs of shoes on the left, but I'm desperate to have that little bootie in the middle!

With soon-to-be Hall of Fame coach, Sylvia Hatchell!

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Smitten Kitten

I'm a smitten kitten.

Mr. Banker was sick all week last week.  He started feeling bad Monday after a trip to DC over the weekend, so we thought he was just hung over (STILL) from too much fun festivity.  By Wednesday he finally took himself to a doctor, where a rapid Strep test came back negative, but Thursday got a call that the culture was positive.  He finally started feeling better Friday after antibiotics, but I didn't want to risk getting Strep since I start my new job in just one week.

Friday night he was so sweet.  We texted all night.  I had told him the significance of Friday's date earlier in the week, and he remembered and wanted to make sure I was okay.  He kept telling me he wished he could be there for me, he had planned to take me out for drinks or something to take my mind off of things, and he was sorry being sick messed it all up.  It was really sweet that he cared so much about making sure I was okay.  And I WAS surprisingly okay.  After publishing my blog Friday morning, I didn't feel much else about it.  Maybe because I had such good texting company all evening.

Saturday we had plans to finally see each other, but he canceled because he had forgotten a fantasy football draft.  I was so upset, and I think a lot of it was just residual feelings from the day before.  I used so much energy being okay Friday that I wasn't okay Saturday.  So I thought I wasn't going to see him yesterday after he canceled.  I had invited him to go downtown with my friends earlier in the week but I didn't think he was going to come.

So last night, I get dressed and meet up with friends, and go downtown to a bar.  

Here was my dress for the evening, I had it altered to take off 12 inches!!  
It could've stood to be a little smaller too.

So we had just gotten downtown when Banker texted to ask where we were- I told him thinking he was just curious.  Sometimes he will text to ask what I'm doing or where I am just out of curiosity.  My friend Patrice was flittering all over the place, so as I walked outside to look for her, Banker is the first person I see, on his way into the bar!  I was so excited, happy, surprised :)

He was also dressed up.  We matched really nice, and I wanted to take a photo with him, but I was feeling a little shy about it and didn't.  So we had a lovely night downtown, dancing, hanging out with friends.  For someone who says he doesn't want a relationship, it sure felt like one.

The funny thing is, even though we were together, I got hit on quite a lot.  I think that could be a good him that he is not the only guy who finds me attractive and would be interested in me.

Hopefully he knows that anyway, but it had to be a reminder.

At the end of the night, we went to his apartment for a little while.  It was my first time at his place and I was kind of surprised he asked me over but I've made a few "jokes" that he could be married since I'd never seen his place after 4 months and maybe he wanted to prove that wasn't the case.  We just laid in bed and talked for a couple of hours.  I decided to get up and leave around 4am because I didn't know the rules about sleeping over (he's slept at my place twice, but not the first time).  It was definitely a great night!


Thursday, August 15, 2013

I dated a Sociopath

I haven't gone into a lot of detail before in my blog about how it happened, just that I was in a relationship with a man who was married and had a child, and lied about it.  I'm sure a lot of you might wonder how that can happen to a seemingly intelligent female with a psychology degree.  I should see the signs of a sociopath, right?  
Today is 2 years since my life fell apart.  I thought it might be therapeutic to put it all out there.
I met Max in person for the first time on April 16, 2010. He responded to my personal ad looking for a  companion, but not a boyfriend. He described himself as single, no kids, with a good head on his shoulders. A relationship was the last thing I wanted because I had just ended an engagement and was somewhere in- between friends and a relationship with one of my closest guy friends. But Max pushed the issue of a relationship with me and I eventually started to reciprocate what he wanted. I was cautious because I had been hurt by my past relationship and Max knew everything.

In July 2010 he asked for a relationship again and I reiterated my fears. He stood in the kitchen of my  apartment and told me he would rather walk away at that moment than ever hurt me intentionally. Over the next few weeks we got much closer. Max had a motorcycle accident on July 27, 2010 and I began to question his honesty with me because I couldn’t understand why he didn’t want me to come by and bring him soup or come take care of him. Finally I saw him on August 14 for the first time since the accident and things were good, but it was odd to me that the next day he said he had to leave town because his dad was in the hospital for 3 weeks.

During that time he was supposedly in NY with his dad but we talked every day. He finally came back from ‘NY’ on September 4 and picked me up from a party. I had been drinking in downtown Raleigh and didn’t want to drive. When he picked me up, I couldn’t understand why he drove me all the way to my house in
Hillsborough, NC instead of letting me stay the night with him at his place in Raleigh. That night I drunkenly asked if he was married and he assured me that he was not and never had been married. From that point forward, our relationship got more heavy. I finally agreed to be his girlfriend on September 30. On his 30th bday a week later I thought it was odd that we had made plans and he canceled last minute, telling me that his parents came to visit him. I was upset but couldn’t stay mad for long when he surprised ME that afternoon by stopping by my house and I got to spend the next evening with him. The next night we celebrated his birthday and I caught him in a lie and I began to realize things weren’t adding up. But I already cared for him so much that I began to let things slide.

He told me he loved me for the first time at a concert at Cat’s Cradle on October 17.  I still remember his words perfectly "I love you Hollee, and I'm going to love you more and better than any other man ever has or ever will".  The months that followed were perfect. I was happier than I’d ever been in my life, although he did go to ‘NY’ about once a month for extended periods of time. I felt uncomfortable about it but I decided that if I lived far from my parents I would visit as often as possible also. I became convinced he couldn’t have another girlfriend after he met my parents in February and then we spent Valentine’s day (2011) together. Afterall, what woman would be okay with not seeing her boyfriend on VDay, so I HAD to be the only one. That’s what I convinced myself anyway.

Unfortunately, there was always something that caused a weird feeling. In the end of February  a good friend of mine announced that she was pregnant with a son and since her husband was a Jr. the son would be the III and they would call him Trey. This got me thinking about Max (who was also a Junior) so one night I told him about my friend’s son-to-be and said I liked the idea Trey, and asked Max if he wanted that. He casually said he didn’t know, which struck me as odd. Most men either know whether they want a son named after them or not, how was it he had never considered it and I had? There were always little clues
coming up about children that made me suspect he was lying about not having any children, but he always said he knew a lot about raising kids because of his best friend's family. He and I even got into an argument over car seats on the way to the beach once, which I thought was ridiculous for someone who’d never been a care-giver to a child to think he knew more about car seats than I did-an experienced Nanny.

March came around and we went to Franklin Street in Chapel Hill to watch my alma mater (UNC) beat Duke in a basketball game. Afterward, as fans rushed the street to celebrate, I saw Max making some phone calls. First I saw him call his friends Pete and then Jay, and then ‘Dawn’. I was confused because I knew it was a North Carolina area code and he’d told me he didn’t really have any friends in NC. I tried to put it out of my mind because he had at one point told me he had an aunt that lived near the coast. After the excitement of the game we walked to a place I had told Max about many times-lover’s bench. The story goes that if you sit there and kiss your love, you will be fated to be together forever. He sat there with
me and kissed me, and asked if I would marry him. He had been drinking so I said someday, and he made me promise. Although it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me, I couldn’t get it out of my mind that I’d just seen him calling a woman with a NC phone number. That night as we lay in my bed and he was almost asleep, I asked Max what his aunt in NC’s name was, his response was Kettly. I asked him who “Dawn” was and he burst out laughing. After about 45 minutes, he finally told me it was his best friend Jay’s wife. I let it slide and we went to sleep, but the next day when he had to leave for a few hours, I put my investigation skills to work. A little digging into the internet told me Jay’s wife was Kelly and that Max Brutus + Dawn returned search information for Dawn Brutus. I was so confused how this was possible. When he returned to my house a few hours later, I presented him with what I’d found and gave him a chance to explain, but instead he walked out of my house and wouldn’t give me any answers. 3 days went by and he was finally willing to “explain”. When I went to his apartment, he let me look around to prove there was no woman living there and then told me that Dawn was his illegitimate sister. Max explained that his father had 2 children outside of marriage that his mother never knew about. I loved this man so much that even though I saw the red flags, I chose to believe him.

He had made me happier than I’d ever been before so I decided to take him for his word and move forward. In the following months Max and I got closer, until the end of May came and he said he was going
home to ‘NY’ for memorial day weekend. When he returned things were different.  He kept saying he was homesick for NY and was taking more and more frequent trips. The last time he left my home was July 16, 2011. He said he was going for his grandmother’s birthday and he’d be back in a week and a half. I remember that morning so clearly.  He hadn't gotten to my house until very late the night before, but we still had to wake up early so he could start his journey.  We made love and showered together and it was time for him to go.  As he walked out the door, he took a few steps, and then turned back to kiss me goodbye a second time.  The last thing he said to me that day was "No matter what happens, remember I love you".  I think he had an idea it might be the last time he'd see me.

On July 21 he called me while I was at work and he was crying, saying that his mother had Stage 3 breast cancer and he was going to be staying in NY for some time to be with her. I was devastated. I didn’t want our relationship to end and even offered to move to NY to be with him. A few weeks went by and we talked on the phone but I could tell he was letting go of our relationship.

Then on August 15 I received an odd email from a woman, let’s call her JR telling me she had had a relationship with Max the previous year before his mother DIED and she just wondered how he was doing. Imagine my shock upon reading this email. I thought she was crazy. I thought someone was playing games with me, until I looked her up on facebook and saw a picture of them together, dated July 11, 2010. I was so hurt, I called Max and told him what the email had said over voicemail. The next morning he returned my call and admitted he had dated JR while he and I were not official and apologized. He promised me that he would make things right between he and I and that there would be no more surprises. He denied telling JR that his mother died and said he was not lying about his mother’s cancer. We got off the phone and as the day went on something just wasn’t sitting right with me. It nagged at me all day, until I finally decided to drive to his apartment. I saw his car sitting there as I pulled in and I was so shocked. I didn’t see Dawn until I pulled around and my car was beside of her. I wished I had gotten out of the car and told her everything then and there, but I was in a state of shock.  I had thought of things I would say to him if I he was there, and not in NY as stated, but everything left my mind.  She stood beside my car and he stood a bit farther away.

I will never forget the look on his face.

His eyes were full of fear by the time I spoke.  I asked him how any person could tell a lie so big (referring to his mom) and he didn't answer.  I said "Really Max?" because I didn't know what else to say and his response was "Really Hollee."  He mocked me.  Finally I looked at her and said "Are you Dawn?"  She said yes.  So I said "So I guess that makes you his wife?"  They said Yes in unison.  I couldn't speak anymore, my heart had been ripped from me.  Then I looked into the back seat of his car and saw it.... a child's seat.  I now know they have a son and do you know the best part?  They call him Trey.  That morning, he sat in my bed and denied his own child.  I drove off and distinctly remember the sound of my tires squealing as I left that apartment complex.

The sad part is that it took me a year to tell Dawn everything.  I sent her a letter last year around this time, because Max was still contacting me.  Still telling me he loved me.  Still asking to come visit me.  I was falling for it until one day I did a quick google search and found that he and his wife had just bought a nice home on a golf course at the beach.  No one does that and plans to get divorced.

So I've spent the last 2 years grieving the loss of someone I am not sure ever really existed.

[{ On the Up Side, I am no longer the girl in that picture... }]
I am stronger.
I am more confident.
I have survived this.

TTT + Weigh In (91.8 pounds down)

1. Weigh In:
Today: 252.6
I swear I saw some high 240's earlier when I wasn't eating anything.
That's still a loss of -0.8 since last week, so I wont fret.

2.  It started last week.  First, at my celebration Margarita night last week, I got on the topic of having children and I realized that financially, I'll be able to afford having children a lot earlier than I thought a couple of weeks ago.  Then on Saturday, I went kid consignment shopping with my friend Kira.  Looking at all the sweet baby furniture and such got my mind going.  Sunday I babysat for the kids I used to nanny did that 3 week old baby turn into a little girl that is turning 5 in a couple of months?  Then yesterday, I was watching videos of my nephew from when he was a baby.  And it happened... seems I've caught a case of baby fever.

3.  I'm excited about my new job, but I do worry about my mental stability due to the location.  Remember my post about Max Brutus?  My new job is located beside of the apartment complex he lived in...the place where I met his wife and found out that our whole relationship was a lie.  Hopefully over time, I will take that exit and think of it as "My Job" instead of "Max's old place".  I totally believe that seeing something enough times desensitizes us to it, so hopefully that will be my experience here.

Also, tomorrow there will be a pretty long post about this topic, feel free to skip over it.  Tomorrow is 2 years since my life came crashing down, and I will need to talk about it.

4.  I don't expect next week's weigh in to be all that great.  My work is throwing a few parties for me over the next week before I leave them.  I can't imagine my lunch today at Cheesecake Factory or next week's Ice Cream Sundae party will be good for the scale.

5.  I'm craving a banana and mayonnaise sandwich so bad.  I know I can't eat the bread, I will PB it so fast it isn't funny.  But I am contemplating making one and eating it with the intention of PB-ing, just so I can have a bite.  That seems like a slippery slope to Medically Induced Bulimia though...

6.  I got these running shorts to wear at my goal weight. They fit now!  Yes, they will look better in 50 more pounds down, but I'm so excited they fit now!  And I'm amazed at how thin my arms look in that photo!

7.  Banker has been sick all week and I haven't seen him.  I do really miss his company.

8.  Food is going better the last couple of least at lunch and dinner time.  Every morning I'm still PBing liquids.  This morning I made it 10 minutes into my drive to work and had to pull over on the INTERSTATE to get sick.  I hate getting sick on the interstate because of the passing cars going so fast, actually makes me nauseous.

9.  I'm ready for college football!  A little less than a month until it starts.  Go Heels!  Although Banker grew up in Rhode Island, he has always been a Tarheel at heart.  He has even shown me a photo of himself at age 16 in Carolina gear.  That warms my heart.  So I'm hoping I can take him to his first UNC football game.  There's nothing like UNC fans + smuggling alcohol in + a sea of Carolina Blue!

10.  My work isn't allowing me to go to New Orleans for the conference next month now that I've resigned.  It's been a huge pain in the butt trying to get refund forms and stuff for my work, but that's okay.  The good news is that I will be in town and can hopefully attend my mom's WLS consultation appointment with her.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Thursday Weigh In

Yesterday morning, when I weighed myself, my weight was a bit better, but then I had to celebrate last night.

Still at 91.2 pounds lost.


Yesterday was an emotional day.  

Excitement for new opportunities.
Sadness for leaving comfort/personal relationships I've created.

And then celebrating at night.
With a whole pitcher of Margaritas TO MYSELF.

Last day of current job will be 22August and I will start the new position on 26August!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Good news!

Yesterday, I had my final interview for a new job!  You all are surprised right (I hope you're reading my sarcasm)?!

I know, I know.  I'm no good with secrets.  I was just so excited but I didn't want to jinx myself!

Well, I got the verbal offer yesterday within a few hours of the end of the interview.  I'm now just waiting on the official written offer!  It's exciting and scary at the same time.

It's the same industry, but will be a title and salary jump.  You can just call me Hollee S****, Data Manager ;)

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Think positive

I'm feeling nothing but positive vibes about my important morning...  Keep those fingers crossed until I have an update!

Here is the professional attire outfit I chose.
I felt really confident this morning :)

Monday, August 5, 2013

Happy Monday!

I had a really weird/interesting weekend... I wanted to take a break from my Monday work and Meetings to write a little.

Remember the guy who called me a fat bitch at the beach a few weeks ago?  He died in a motorcycle accident Saturday.  It doesn't change how I feel about him or how he treated me, but I feel a weird sort of way about it.  I guess that our only interaction was so negative.  It is sad for his family.  His wife is a stay-at-home mother with 5 children, so I pray for her that she will find a way to make things work.

I had a busy weekend.  I spent most of the weekend looking for a professional outfit for something *very important* tomorrow.  I looked everywhere.  You know, being this in-between size is kind of frustrating.  I'm a 14/16 and I never know where to shop.  Malls are too big and I get overwhelmed.  I ended up buying something at Lane Bryant, even though I'd really love to be able to stop shopping there because it's so expensive.  Anyway, I don't want to jinx myself by telling you all EXACTLY what I'm doing tomorrow, but some prayers or good thoughts for me would be greatly appreciated as it would be a huge step in the right direction for my life if this works out!

I don't think I'm going to give any dating updates for a while, until I figure out what I want/what I'm doing.  My dating life is a big screwed up mess right now.  I guess it's good to have too many options?  Unfortunately I'm not a player and need to make some decisions.

Hope you all have a Fabulous Monday!

Friday, August 2, 2013

Too Tight Again

Here I am again, dealing with the same old stuff after an adjustment.

I got 0.9 CC's yesterday.
I had a EAS protein shake (170 cals) and a Starbucks Chocolate Vianno Whey Shake (250 cals).
Got off work, went home and had 2 greek yogurts.
Was wondering if I had restriction.

By dinner, I was ready to cheat.
It hadn't been 24 hours since my fill, but it HAD been 24 hours since solid food.
I had a bowl of wonton soup...mostly liquid, just 2 wontons in it.
I did okay, no PBing yesterday.

So this morning I woke up and took a big sip of chocolate milk.

Hello, PB.
Hello, 2 hours of Slime.

So by lunch time I start eating my yogurt for lunch, sick.
Go for soup with a coworker, sick.
Get frozen yogurt with coworker, sick.

I can't understand my band sometimes.

Currently about to post this ad and go PB again, as I just had another bite of yogurt.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Ten Things Thursday

1.  I had a fill appointment this morning.  It's only been 3 weeks since my last appointment, but I was feeling hungry all the time.  Dr.  Yoo weighed me at 255.6 today.  That's up from Saturday morning...sigh.  I'm not too upset, I'll get back down.  According to him, my loss is 88.8 pounds since surgery.  Moving on.

2.  I've decided to give up alcohol for a while.  The reason is a combination of things.  Last week I think, I read that Lap Band Gal gave up alcohol during her entire losing phase.  That was the start to my inspired idea, but then I just drank way too much Friday and Saturday and decided I was done for a while.

3.  Mr. Banker isn't speaking to me right now.  I did something wrong--the thing is, I didn't know what I was doing was wrong, so I openly told him about it and he hasn't really spoken to me since (this was Sunday morning).  Saturday night in my drunken state, I texted everyone in my phonebook with a Y chromosome.  I can see why this would be a problem if I am in a relationship,but I didn't know I was.  I didn't know what he expected of me.  Anyway, it's more involved than that, but that's the simple version of the story.  I hope he will forgive me, I like him a lot.  Oh, did I mention that Robocop was one of those people I texted?  Ugh...mad at myself over that.

4.  I started cooking with a friend and he's teaching me some recipes.  Last week we made shrimp/crab stuffed mushrooms and this week we make cilantro lime tilapia.  Both were very good and not terribly unhealthy.
Tilapia and fresh Green Beans
Stuffed Mushrooms

5.  Work has been extra stressful lately, but I'm making it, and I might have some good news, but don't want to put it on the internet yet.  Cross your fingers for good news from me soon!

6.  Saturday,  I was looking for a Tshirt to lounge in the house.  I haven't done laundry, and desperately need to, so the shirt I pulled from my drawer is one I haven't seen in a long while.

It was my Incubus Tshirt, size M, that I bought at my first concert EVER when I was 16.  I immediately put it back, knowing it wouldn't fit.  But then it hit just might.  So I pulled it on, expecting a struggle, and it fits just fine!

I'm hung over, not wearing makeup, in my Incubus shirt Saturday.

Same shirt, 16 years old

You guys can't possibly know how good this made me feel!  One of my favorite NSVs yet!

7.  I hate protein shake days.  I hate protein shakes.

8.  Next weekend I am babysitting for the kids I used to nanny for.  I'm really excited to see them.  They have only seen me once since surgery, and it was in January. I'm sure I look quite a bit different.

9.  Someone asked me if I was pregnant the other day from a picture they saw of me online.  It pissed me off so bad, but I honestly do not think I look pregnant at all, so I'm going to let it go.

10.  I just wanted to leave you all with a few more photos from the white party Saturday.  I was so excited about the comparison photo that I didn't post any others: