Sunday, December 9, 2012

Dating after surgery?

Many of the bloggers I read are married or were already in a committed relationship before surgery.  So, I never get to read about other single girls going through the journey of figuring this whole thing out when it comes to new dating.

Saturday night I had a first date, and I intentionally made it too late in the evening for dinner.  8:30.  So we ordered appetizers and I had a few bites of these boneless lemon pepper chicken bites.  It went so well that he asked to go out again tonight, so I suggested coffee (so thankful for skinny/lite options).  But at what point should I tell a date that I've had surgery? 

Typically I'm an open book.  And it's not like it's a secret...I'm sitting here blogging with my real name.  But I don't want to tell too much too soon.  It did come up in conversation that I've lost weight, but I didn't disclose how exactly.  My typical response to someone I don't want to tell the whole truth to is "Eating less and moving more". That's not really a lie.

I told one guy after a couple of dates before surgery and it was the last time I saw him.


  1. Good question Hollee.. as I am another one of the married ppl, I can't really comment as to dating. I will say this... I'm not open about my surgery to the general public, my co-workers, my family and only a very few friends know about it.

    I don't think that I would tell someone I was dating about it either. Well, maybe if it was a while into dating, and we were committed etc. Its a tough question.

    Here are a couple of blogs I am reading, both of these ladies are dating! So you might find some better advice in there! :)

  2. hmmmm. I'm married too - but I would say read ronnie's blog back to when she first started dating ~ / and maybe Andrea's ~ she is now getting married after just starting dating.

  3. I'm in the same situation and dating. I've typically waited a few dates before I tell someone. The usual response has been oh I know xyz that also had that surgery. I figure after a few dates you know someone better but if that is their deciding point for whether to date you or not its better to learn early on if they are not ok with it!

  4. Dating! As if it isn't complicated enough? :) Ronnie an Andrea are good refrence points. Free Julie is pretty funny as well. I don't really write on my blog about being single and banded- I'm not sure why/when I made that decision?

    Anyway, it is interesting to be single and banded and you will find your groove. I've found that it isn't the band that really bothers them, for SOME it is the thought that I used to be obese. If they can't handle that, then they don't really like me. Good luck and keep us posted!

  5. You only need to share your surgery if you want to :) However, there is no reason to hide it though! Be proud that you took this step to get healthy and how much you have achieved already... it is an admirable trait! Besides, if you tell people you date, they can make accommodations for you (such as not meeting at restaurants etc...)

  6. I've dated two guys since surgery. The first one I told right away, and the second guy I waited until the second date. Both were very supportive (I'm with the second one now) :) Do what feels right to you.

  7. Hey you! Thanks for commenting on my blog.

    You're doing great! I think whether you tell a guy or not depends on the guy and how well you know and trust him. I've only dated this one guy and I think at this point it may freak him out if he knew I used to be fat. He puts a lot of emphasis on my looks and I don't know how well I trust him at this point. Actually, the relationship is already fizzling, so I'm glad I didn't tell him. Plus, we work together and no one else at work knows since I had already lost the vast majority of my weight when I started. Soooo - I think it just depends. Good luck!!

  8. Hi Hollee! I'm a little late to the party but I really struggled with this question too! Ultimately it came down to the fact that they are going to find out anyway and if they are not okay with it then we might as well stop dating now. So I would maybe tell them by the 2nd or 3rd date. Congratulations on all your success so far! I know you will do great!