Monday, May 12, 2014

Body dismorphia

 I've always been told that I'm photogenic.
So many times in my life that I think it's possible that I'm ONLY pretty in pictures.
Not in real life.
So I am going to California in 4 days to see my sisters who really haven't seen me since I began this journey.  I'm terrified, and I know that makes no sense.  But they've watched my journey in photos and they tell me how proud they are of me.  What if they see me and realize I still have SO FAR to go?  Or they think "wow she's still huge?!"
I'm clearly struggling with this and I don't think it even matters to them.  But it matters to me.
I went shopping for shorts yesterday.  And all I saw in the mirror was cellulite.  So I took some pictures and posted one in instagram.  I hated it the minute I took it and decided I will never ever be able to wear shorts.
Then when I got home and looked at the pictures, I realized they aren't TERRIBLE.  Yeah, I have some jiggle in my legs.  But it's not that bad.  My middle sister commented on the photo that my calves are awesome, and she doesn't give compliments freely, so I felt better, but that fear of what they'll think in person crept back in.
I mean, look at my butt though?!  lol
Gotta find the silver lining.  Maybe no one would notice my cellulose legs for the fantastic booty above them. I won't be going back to get those shorts anytime soon, but hopefully one day I can wear them.


  1. You look friggin amaze-balls. and can i just say... DAT ASS! :)

  2. They actually look great!!!

  3. Ha!! Let me just reiterate what Jess said!

    I think you look incredible. You rock you some shorts if you feel like it!