I've always been told that I'm photogenic.
So many times in my life that I think it's possible that I'm ONLY pretty in pictures.
Not in real life.
So I am going to California in 4 days to see my sisters who really haven't seen me since I began this journey. I'm terrified, and I know that makes no sense. But they've watched my journey in photos and they tell me how proud they are of me. What if they see me and realize I still have SO FAR to go? Or they think "wow she's still huge?!"
I'm clearly struggling with this and I don't think it even matters to them. But it matters to me.
I went shopping for shorts yesterday. And all I saw in the mirror was cellulite. So I took some pictures and posted one in instagram. I hated it the minute I took it and decided I will never ever be able to wear shorts.
Then when I got home and looked at the pictures, I realized they aren't TERRIBLE. Yeah, I have some jiggle in my legs. But it's not that bad. My middle sister commented on the photo that my calves are awesome, and she doesn't give compliments freely, so I felt better, but that fear of what they'll think in person crept back in.
I mean, look at my butt though?! lol
Gotta find the silver lining. Maybe no one would notice my cellulose legs for the fantastic booty above them. I won't be going back to get those shorts anytime soon, but hopefully one day I can wear them.