Friday, November 28, 2014

Unbanded Thanksgiving

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with friends and family ....and not too much food!

This was my first holiday since the revision, and it was great!  There was more than one remark about how nice it was that I didn't spend half of the time in the bathroom trying to get food 'un-stuck' from my band.  I didn't get sick once.

I am beginning to wonder if I have gallstones though, from this stabbing pain I sometimes get on my right side right under my rib cage.  I have my 3 month follow-up appointment in a couple of weeks, but emailed my surgeon today to see if he'd like me to come in earlier.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Diet Bet: Round 1 Results


I forgot that heart ache is a really good weight loss plan for me.
It's been quite some time since I felt true heartache like this.
When I found out that my last ex was married, I couldn't keep food down for several weeks and lost about 30 pounds in that first month.

So I thought there was no way I was going to make my DietBet goal last week.

The round 1 goal was 3% loss...which put me at 239.4.

I weighed in Friday morning at 237.4.
Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

It still sucks that I'm going through this hurt from losing Mr. Banker, but at least I'm losing weight.  My eating and sleep patterns are all off.  I hope I can get them under control soon.  I can't sleep, it's hard to focus, and food isn't that appealing to me right now.

I really miss him.

Friday, November 21, 2014

Colorado and Texas

Colorado will never be Texas.  It doesn't matter how long I wait for it to be, or how much I want it to be, Colorado just can't ever be Texas.

And Texas is so much better than Colorado ever could be.

I'm sure you're all wondering what I'm talking about, and wondering if it's Mr. Banker, and in some ways it is, and in some ways it isn't.  This is someone else's story.  I'm not going to link her blog, but if you have read other Banded Sisters blogs, you may know this story already.  This blogger gave her time and affection to Colorado for a very long time and he never wanted to be more than friends.  I know that feeling... Mr. Banker is my Colorado.  When she decided to give up Colorado, she met Texas.  And Texas was better in every way than Colorado ever could've been.  My dearest blogger friend married her Texas after 5 months of dating and they became parents a little over a year after marriage.

This story reminds me that no matter how much I want Mr. Banker to be right for me, he just isn't.  And the happiness I've felt with him will not compare to The One, when I find that person.

I hope My Texas comes along soon.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Frustrated

I'm feeling very frustrated, so I'm taking my 15 minute work break to get it all out, and hope that's the 'woosa' I need to get over it.

I had a great weekend... much better than I anticipated by any stretch of the imagination, so I thought that meant it was going to be a good week too.  ha.  I was wrong.

1.  This week is the end of my Round 1 of DietBet.  I have been doing pretty good, however the last 2 weeks of stress have impeded my progress.  I decided to have a few 'no chew' days (liquid protein only) to jump start me to the finish line, but it doesn't seem to be working.  I'm starting to think this round of the DietBet is just a wash and I won't win no matter what.  I have been working out much harder in the last 2 weeks than I had since before my revision surgery so it kind of pisses me off that I'm not making more progress.

2.  On the lack of progress note, I'm starting to feel really unhappy with my sleeve and anger with BCBSNC for screwing up my revision to RNY.

3.  Yesterday morning Mr. Banker emailed me.  Why does he have to be such a selfish son of a bitch?  I told him I want to be left alone.  He doesn't want me, so let me go.  Please!  Proud of myself for not emailing back, but it has completely detroyed an entire 24+ hours for me now.

End Rant.

Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, I'm just really struggling with things right now.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

"Home" less

I'm really struggling with losing Mr Banker right now. The thought that I'll never hug him or laugh with him again is really sinking in. And worst of all, that he chose to never spend another moment with me over giving me 100% effort. I mean he could've tried for a week or two to see if he could do it..... But he didn't even do that. That's very hurtful. Unrequited love has got to be one of the worst feelings. I would've given the world for him, and he couldn't give me a title. I feel certain he didn't really believe me when I told him he had to choose all or nothing, but I meant it. I know I deserve ALL. But that doesn't mean it isn't hard.

I went so far as to change my phone number Monday. I hope that he is happy with someone one day. I guess I just wasn't "it" for him. When people asked what made me feel so strongly for him, I often told them that he just felt like home to me, so naturally I feel very lost right now. My "home" is gone.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Weight and Life update

Although slow, my weight loss is still continuing.  This morning I stepped on the scale before going to the gym and saw 239.4--which happens to be the weight I need to win my Round 1 of DietBet.  Then I came home from the gym and was up to 241.2.  Gr.  I wish I had documented my weight this morning before the gym for the contest.  Oh well.  I have 8 days left in this round, so I feel confident I can do it.

I feel pretty shitty in general though.  I'm not sure if it's from my weekend travel to San Francisco (being tired and on a plane with stuffy air) or from days of crying over the end of Mr. Banker.  Either way, I feel horrible- headache, stuffy nose, hoarse, and coughing.  The way I currently feel, I'm proud that I even got up for the gym.  I'll go back after work to get another workout in.  I do really well if I do 30-45 minutes of weight training in the morning and an hour of cardio at night.  I just don't have more than an hour at a time to spend at the gym, so it works for me to split it up.

I need to get involved in some type of yoga or meditation to help me deal with life right now.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

New Things

Monday began a new adventure for me.  I began my new job at Duke Clinical Research Institute.  As a Tar Heel fanatic, I'm sure some of you are surprised, but I do respect Duke as an academic institution.  I think this is going to be a fun adventure. 

Above is my 2nd day of work outfit, after waking up at 5am to work out.  I have felt really good about how I look regardless of the fact that the scale hasn't given me great feedback.

I also decided Monday that it was time to kick my work outs into high gear.  And by high gear, I mean that I went Monday night, Tuesday morning, Tuesday night, Wednesday morning, and Wednesday night to the gym.  Today I need a rest day.  I have never hurt from working out the way I currently do.  A friend offered to give me some free personal training which has been AMAZING.  I've worked parts of my body that I have never worked out before (lower back, OUCH)!

I hope you all are feeling as good and motivated as I am!

On October 21, Jessica (or @JessicaVSG if you're on instagram) convinced me to join DietBet.  We are doing a 6 month 10% transformation bet.  WHEN I meet my DietBet goal, I will weigh 222.2 :)  And then I'll keep going!  Exercising really helped this week, and I lost 2.2 pounds since last week.  That's my biggest weekly loss in quite some time.

Current weight: 241.6