My head is in a really messed up place right now.
I'm going to be honest, it could be going off of my antidepressant in preparation for surgery. Or it could be a whole host of other things going on. Maybe a combination.
Surgery month is here. As I write this, my countdown calendar says I have 14 days, 21 hours. And I feel so alone. I did this alone once already, and I did okay, but it wasn't nearly as scary. I thought it would be nice to have the support of someone who cares for me this time. I thought I was going to have that, but now I don't think so.
Mr. Banker and I were doing really well for a short time, but then he became distant again. I don't understand it. I thought he would want to spend time with me before surgery, but he hasn't seen me in 2.5 weeks now. I was depending on him to help me through this. He has always been so supportive of the weight loss surgery in the year and a half we've (not) been together.
I guess I just need to adjust my mindset and realize I'm in this alone again.