Tuesday, September 2, 2014


My head is in a really messed up place right now.

I'm going to be honest, it could be going off of my antidepressant in preparation for surgery.  Or it could be a whole host of other things going on.  Maybe a combination.

Surgery month is here.  As I write this, my countdown calendar says I have 14 days, 21 hours.  And I feel so alone.  I did this alone once already, and I did okay, but it wasn't nearly as scary.  I thought it would be nice to have the support of someone who cares for me this time.  I thought I was going to have that, but now I don't think so.

Mr. Banker and I were doing really well for a short time, but then he became distant again.  I don't understand it.  I thought he would want to spend time with me before surgery, but he hasn't seen me in 2.5 weeks now.  I was depending on him to help me through this.  He has always been so supportive of the weight loss surgery in the year and a half we've (not) been together. 

I guess I just need to adjust my mindset and realize I'm in this alone again.


  1. You may not have a BF/SO, but you aren't alone. We will be with you every step of the way. Stay strong!

  2. You are not alone. You are never alone in this.

  3. Thirding what Beth Ann said. Who needs a man to help you through this? You have the support of friends and family, and the blogging community!

  4. Why would u stop ur medication especially during this crucial time? My surgeon has me continue before, during and after surgery.

    1. Unfortunately SSRIs are a bleeding risk. I did the research and spoke with my therapist and chose to stop.

  5. Thank you all for being such a great support system for me. I really needed the reminder that even if I feel alone right now, I know that I am not. <3