Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Alone

My head is in a really messed up place right now.

I'm going to be honest, it could be going off of my antidepressant in preparation for surgery.  Or it could be a whole host of other things going on.  Maybe a combination.

Surgery month is here.  As I write this, my countdown calendar says I have 14 days, 21 hours.  And I feel so alone.  I did this alone once already, and I did okay, but it wasn't nearly as scary.  I thought it would be nice to have the support of someone who cares for me this time.  I thought I was going to have that, but now I don't think so.

Mr. Banker and I were doing really well for a short time, but then he became distant again.  I don't understand it.  I thought he would want to spend time with me before surgery, but he hasn't seen me in 2.5 weeks now.  I was depending on him to help me through this.  He has always been so supportive of the weight loss surgery in the year and a half we've (not) been together. 

I guess I just need to adjust my mindset and realize I'm in this alone again.

7 comments:

  1. You may not have a BF/SO, but you aren't alone. We will be with you every step of the way. Stay strong!

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  2. You are not alone. You are never alone in this.

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  3. Thirding what Beth Ann said. Who needs a man to help you through this? You have the support of friends and family, and the blogging community!

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  4. Why would u stop ur medication especially during this crucial time? My surgeon has me continue before, during and after surgery.

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    Replies
    1. Unfortunately SSRIs are a bleeding risk. I did the research and spoke with my therapist and chose to stop.

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  5. Thank you all for being such a great support system for me. I really needed the reminder that even if I feel alone right now, I know that I am not. <3

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