22 Month Bandiversary

Yesterday was my 22 month bandiversary.  I spent a lot of time thinking about how I've changed...and more importantly, how I haven't changed.

9 days with a COMPLETELY empty lapband will really tell a girl what that lapband has been doing for her.  Loose or not, there was SOME restriction there, because once it was completely empty, it was like I'd entered a whole new world.  A world of bread and pasta and eating and eating and eating.

Holy shit.  Revision needed or not, this band is doing SOMETHING for me.  I guess taking a vacation from my lapband was a good reminder that this band is just a tool.  It didn't change me.  If I don't use it to it's full potential, I can go right back to where I was 22 months ago.

I often convince myself I'm not that same fat girl anymore.

I'm better.  No I'm not.

I don't eat my feelings anymore.  I just do other things to suppress them.

I'm the same girl.  I have the same problems with food.  I just have a tool to help.

I don't want this band anymore, I want revision.  If I don't get the revision though, I will be happy that I have this, because it really has changed my life.

Comments

  1. HolleeJuly 21, 2014 at 9:29 AM

    I understand... any thoughts on another surgery??

    ReplyDelete
  2. SheilaJuly 21, 2014 at 10:10 AM

    Yeah I would imagine that even unfilled a band would still provide something in the way of restriction. That would be an odd feeling to all of the sudden be able to eat what you previously could not. Hang in there!

    ReplyDelete

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