Friday, July 18, 2014

22 Month Bandiversary

Yesterday was my 22 month bandiversary.  I spent a lot of time thinking about how I've changed...and more importantly, how I haven't changed.

9 days with a COMPLETELY empty lapband will really tell a girl what that lapband has been doing for her.  Loose or not, there was SOME restriction there, because once it was completely empty, it was like I'd entered a whole new world.  A world of bread and pasta and eating and eating and eating.

Holy shit.  Revision needed or not, this band is doing SOMETHING for me.  I guess taking a vacation from my lapband was a good reminder that this band is just a tool.  It didn't change me.  If I don't use it to it's full potential, I can go right back to where I was 22 months ago.

I often convince myself I'm not that same fat girl anymore.

I'm better.  No I'm not.

I don't eat my feelings anymore.  I just do other things to suppress them.

I'm the same girl.  I have the same problems with food.  I just have a tool to help.

I don't want this band anymore, I want revision.  If I don't get the revision though, I will be happy that I have this, because it really has changed my life.

3 comments:

  1. I never realized how much restriction I actually had with my band, even when it was nearly empty, until I lost it. Holy cow could I eat a shit ton of food now! It's awful. I've gained about 17 pounds back and am struggling to not gain any more, and let me tell you, my diet is mostly veggies and lean protein. It's awful.
    Hang in there, and happy bandiversary!

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    1. I understand... any thoughts on another surgery??

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  2. Yeah I would imagine that even unfilled a band would still provide something in the way of restriction. That would be an odd feeling to all of the sudden be able to eat what you previously could not. Hang in there!

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