Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Heartbreak

I haven't been here in a while.  I have really been avoiding it.  And I don't think anyone really reads anymore.  Most of my favorite bloggers don't write anymore.

As far as my weight goes, I'm actually really doing okay.  Considering everything I've been going through and having a 6 month old baby, I can't believe I haven't turned to emotional eating.  It just isn't my outlet anymore.  I find joy in my baby boy, in the love of my friends and family, in knowing I'm bettering myself...instead of one bite after another of food.

The last 5 months have been hell.  One fight after another lead Mr. Banker to threaten to move out almost daily.  The breaking point came when I saw a text message between him and a woman he cheated on me with while I was pregnant.  I was done.  I am done.  I'm done being played for a fool.  I'm done being anyone's doormat.  I'm done giving everything I have to someone and receiving little or nothing in return.  So that next day, I changed my locks on my house and moved most of his clothes into my garage.  The day following, his friends moved the rest of his stuff out.

So, my world has been a whirlwind- and not in a good way.  My heart is completely broken.  I had all these hopes and dreams that I now know will never come to fruition.  When Mr. Banker asked to move in after I became pregnant, I thought that was a turning point for us.  Then when he delivered our son, I thought nothing could break up.  I was wrong.

I'm trying to find the bright spot in this and know it is best to deal with all of this now while Xavier is young so that he won't remember it.  Every part of me hurts over this, so if you're the praying type, please pray for strength and comfort.

Thanks.

7 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for the bad stuff, but I'm so glad you finding the love with your little boy. Sending prayers and all sorts of good mojo.

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  2. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You are strong enough to make it. You and your son will be OK. ((Hugs))

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  3. I'm still reading :) And thinking of you! I have a 6 month old also and our birth stories are shockingly similar!

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  5. Oh Hollee, sending big virtual hugs to you. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, but remember you are a strong woman (even if you don't feel like it some days).

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  6. I'm still reading - I actually check every day to see if you have a new post but given you have a new baby, that tends to take front and center. Sending virtual hugs too! You're a strong woman and deserve so much better so stand your ground and do what is best for you and your son.

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  7. I had a similar situation when my daughter was born. My husband I divorced before she turned 1. Please know it does get easier. Throw yourself into your baby (but remember to take care of yourself along the way. My "baby" turns 17 next month and she is most definitely my greatest accomplishment. I will be praying for your strength during this tough time. {Hugs} and like many others...I still read, I check every week for new posts. Keep them coming :)

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