Thursday, January 29, 2015

OH 2015... Wanna come?

Guess where the Obesity Help Conference is being held this year?

If you read yesterday's blog post about bullying, you already had the spoiler I guess.

When I read that OH2015 was being held here, I immediately thought of Erica.  She is the sweetest chick- I got to meet her in May when I visited California for my sister's birthday, and I know that Erica went to OH2014 and really enjoyed it.  So I contacted her to ask if it was worth going, and she said it was so good that she'd like to come this year.  That's how we decided she'd be visiting me for the conference in October.

If any of you want to go, I have a couch (for those of you that I chat with outside of blogger) or can point you in the right direction of a good hotel!  I'd love to play tour guide and possibly have a WLS meetup experience with this conference coming to town.

I have always regretted that I missed the BOOBs gatherings (for the newbies, BOOBS stands for Band Of Outrageous Babes). The last BOOBs meetup was right before my lapband surgery, and I didn't begin blogging until a few months later.

Well, if you are interested in learning about OH2015, and possibly coming to it, here is the link:
Obesity Help National Conference 2015-- October 16 & 17

I am planning to apply to participate in the runway modeling.  When else in my life will I get the opportunity to model?  Um, never.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

WLS Bullying

Have any of you noticed how much bullying exists among us in the WLS community?  I'm not necessarily referring to those of us in blogland--in fact, I've never felt bullied or anything other than the most support here in my little blog world.  But in other parts of the WLS community I've experienced a lot of "my surgery is better than yours" comments and a lot of size comparison.  It's something that I first experienced when I tried a local WLS meetup.  I was the only person with a lapband at the group and it was then that I decided I would never go back.

Now that I'm revised, I still disagree with it.  I would NEVER put someone down because they made a different decision than me.  Even with all my trouble with the band, I would never tell someone that they were making the wrong choice.  Your body, your choice.

So, what's sparked this topic of discussion, you might wonder?

Well, last month I went on a trip to meet several VSG sisters from instagram.  I was so excited about this trip.  In fact, all of these women were VSGers that I had looked up to, admired, aspired to be like...

One of the women I knew from home, we share the same doctor and I adore her.  The other 4 were IG friends, but I'd texted with 2 of them in the past and was excited for the meeting.  Almost from the very beginning, I felt like I was treated differently.

It started when they continuously told my friend that was with me how beautiful she was, and how proud of her they were.  She is incredibly beautiful, but the compliments to her were excessive and I couldn't help but notice that there was not one compliment to me.

Then there was a discussion about saggy ta-tas and apparently I was the only one in the room who hasn't lost her lady lumps since my surgery.  When I was honest about this, the overwhelming response was that my surgery "wasn't that long ago" and I "haven't lost that much weight yet".

Excuse me?  Just because I had revision 3 months ago doesn't mean I haven't been doing this whole WLS thing for over 2 years.  But I let it go, or tried to.

Then throughout the evening there were other comments about how I am not that far out from surgery yet, and when I've lost as much as they have, I'd understand what they were talking about.  Talking strictly numbers, I should add that I have lost more pounds than any of the other women there, not that I believe it's a contest, but I guess they did.

I mentioned these little stabs at me to my friend, to which she responded that it was all in my head.  I shook it off and thought perhaps she was right, until they began to post photos on instagram that they had cropped me out of.

That was a pretty obvious indication that I'd been right.

I don't know what their problem with me was.
I don't know if it's because they saw me as a failure for needing revision.
Maybe they just didn't like blondes.

All of this got to me at first, but I've gotten to the point that I realize they're just #meangirls.... a hashtag that they openly ascribe to on instagram.

That experience soured me a bit to the IG WLS community.  I haven't been on IG nearly as much and I didn't want to trash talk those girls so I kept my experience mostly to myself.  But then yesterday i was talking to Erica and I told her what happened.  She is coming to visit in October for the Obesity Help Conference and it made me realize when she got mad FOR ME how lucky I am for all of you who make a difference in my life.

I've met some amazing people on this journey through my blog.  If having to meet a few assholes means getting to know all of you amazingly supportive people, I'll deal with that any day of the week.

Thanks for your love and support! <3

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

DC Weekend

Over the weekend, Mr.  Banker and I went to DC.  It was a nice trip.  I want to share a couple of photos with you all, but I know that Mr. Banker prefers that his picture not be on my blog, so I am just sharing a couple of me.

Just a cool photo that was taken in the hotel.  I loved how it turned out.

In front of the white house.

Things aren't perfect between us, but I love him more than words are capable of describing.  Things have been mostly good lately, and he's tried so much harder.  I'm glad to have him in my life.

He is so supportive of my weight loss journey and that means the world.  In my 2.25 years since my initial surgery, I haven't met another man as supportive of my decision to make myself better.  We spent a good hour in the car Sunday talking about it and he just never says the wrong thing when it comes to that.  He doesn't exactly have a way with words, so I know he's genuine about this.  

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Transformation Post

Tuesday I posted this #transformationTuesday post on instagram and facebook:

I was feeling proud after finally being in the 220's for several days in a row and I wanted to share that excitement.

My sister's response to the photo made me tear up a little if I'm completely honest.  She said she's proud of me and so glad that I am a successful person/good role model for my nephew.  I really needed to hear that.

It's so hard to believe I began this journey at 344 pounds!

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Love Life in 2015

2015 is here!

So far, so good!  I'm finally ready to unload the stuff I have been holding back for a while.  When my love life is all jumbled up, I just stop talking about it on here.

The last you all heard of Mr. Banker, I was trying reeeeeeeeally hard to leave him alone.  In fact, I succeeded completely for a month.  During that month he kept messaging almost daily, but I was strong and didn't let him in for 30 whole days.  It was hard.  It was miserable.  It really sucked.

And then one day I realized I was more miserable trying to stay away than I was with him and not in a relationship.  And what do you know, when I let him back in, the relationship thing happened on it's own.  Yes, that's right folks, Mr. Banker and I have finally admitted that what we have is a relationship.  It's about freaking time!

But...when it rains... it pours.  LIKE CATS AND DOGS type pouring.

During my month break from Mr. Banker, I met S.  S was everything I was looking for in almost every way-- just not Mr. Banker.  S and I spent a lot of time together and it was special.  It was different.  It was exactly how I wanted to be treated by someone.  The problem was that no matter how great it was, it was missing the fire that I have when I'm with Mr. Banker.  I finally decided I had to end the progression of things with S on New Year's Day when I had some HORRIBLE guilt.  I knew as much as I enjoyed time with S, as long as Mr. Banker was there, he would always be the only one.  It sucked ending things with S--knowing the hurt that I caused and also it hurt me as well.  I miss the friendship most of all, and I can't have it.

Less than 24 hours after telling S how I felt, Robocop showed up out of nowhere.  He was promising the world-- basically offering me a lifetime of happiness.  In case you all have forgotten, we had ups and downs back in 2012/2013 when I eventually chose Mr. Banker over Robocop.  Robocop is stable and caring but we had our own set of issues- mostly that he wasn't sure he wanted any (more) children and my life would be incomplete without them.  With all his 2015 promises, for about 12 hours, I thought I was going to try to dump Mr. Banker.  I even told Mr. Banker what was going on and later had much regrets about that.  Moral of the story-- you can't trade security for love.

So after those two incidents, it does seem that Mr. Banker and I are back on the right track.  It's been about a month and things have been great.  We've been spending a lot more time together and he's been using words like "forever" and I just have to trust that no matter how different our communication skills or love languages, we both care deeply for each other and will find our way back to one another.  It's been almost 2 years and somehow we keep finding our way back to each other, and in Mr. Banker's words... "we always will".