Tuesday, September 20, 2016

A(nother) new start

I'm an ESFJ (Myers-Brigs assessment).

My weaknesses, if you're interested:

  • Inflexible 
  • Reluctant to Innovate or Improvise 
  • Often Too Needy 
  • Too Selfless
This basically explains everything that is wrong with me.

And explains why I'm so averse to change.  I HATE change.  And it feels as if the only constant in my life right now is change.

First, the end of my relationship with Mr. Banker.
Losing my church (also a result of Mr. Banker).

Now losing my gym/trainer.

The good and bad news is that the owner of the gym let me out of my contract.  That's good because I really don't think I could've worked out with old trainer again after last week.  The bad news is that prior to Thursday, I really did like him as a trainer.  I'm also losing the support of all of the women at the gym.  

That's hard but I think this is the best case scenario.

My old trainer from 3 years ago opened her own gym.  It used to be pretty far away from me, but I just found out her gym has moved just miles from me.  It's similar in workout routine....

45 minute
Rotating body systems
Boot camp style

but it's smaller.  I went today and yesterday and it was just me and one other girl working out with me.  I hope I can adjust to this change.

I really do need the exercise.  It puts me in a better mental place than I've been in years.

Thursday, September 15, 2016


Today my trainer called me a failure.

It's been 5 hours and I can't sleep.

All he sees is that I've been at the gym for 2.5 months and haven't lost one pound. That's right.... Not one effing pound. On HIS nutrition plan.

Which I've felt wrong about since the beginning.

So I finally made an appointment to see my surgeon. He confirmed what I already felt. 1900 calories is too many. He told me to cut them down.

But he also said I'm doing great and i might have to come to terms that this is the healthy place that my body wants to stay. And I should be happy with that. Easier said than done, but I'm in a MUCH better place than I was 4 years ago before surgery.

Sooooo.... then I went to the gym tonight. Before class I gave my trainer a little summary of today's appointment. He was not at all happy with being told that his nutrition plan was wrong for me. Then he took it a step too far. He told me that he has 10 other weight loss surgery patients and I'm not only one not losing weight. The conversation ended there.

Workout begins and I'm feeling some type of way about the previous conversation. And that feeling just builds. Until I'm running and trainer and I have a second alone so I nonchalantly let him know that his comment bothered me.

After class was over, I wanted to let him know why. So I told him that comparing two weightloss surgery patients is unfair. We each have different circumstances, different surgeries, different surgery dates. I'm not the same as someone who is 12 years or 6 months out from surgery. Instead of backing off he told me he's only with me for 3% of the day and he can't control what I do the other 97% of the day and maybe I'm not losing because I'm not trying hard enough. And he doesn't want me to keep failing because that's a reflection on him.

Fail?!?! Me?

That's hard to hear as the 344.4 pound woman I used to be.

I don't even know where to go from here. The truth is, I'd probably quit today if I didn't have a contract. I do not want to see him. I don't want to high 5 him as I work out. I really don't know what to do....