Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Heartbreak

I haven't been here in a while.  I have really been avoiding it.  And I don't think anyone really reads anymore.  Most of my favorite bloggers don't write anymore.

As far as my weight goes, I'm actually really doing okay.  Considering everything I've been going through and having a 6 month old baby, I can't believe I haven't turned to emotional eating.  It just isn't my outlet anymore.  I find joy in my baby boy, in the love of my friends and family, in knowing I'm bettering myself...instead of one bite after another of food.

The last 5 months have been hell.  One fight after another lead Mr. Banker to threaten to move out almost daily.  The breaking point came when I saw a text message between him and a woman he cheated on me with while I was pregnant.  I was done.  I am done.  I'm done being played for a fool.  I'm done being anyone's doormat.  I'm done giving everything I have to someone and receiving little or nothing in return.  So that next day, I changed my locks on my house and moved most of his clothes into my garage.  The day following, his friends moved the rest of his stuff out.

So, my world has been a whirlwind- and not in a good way.  My heart is completely broken.  I had all these hopes and dreams that I now know will never come to fruition.  When Mr. Banker asked to move in after I became pregnant, I thought that was a turning point for us.  Then when he delivered our son, I thought nothing could break up.  I was wrong.

I'm trying to find the bright spot in this and know it is best to deal with all of this now while Xavier is young so that he won't remember it.  Every part of me hurts over this, so if you're the praying type, please pray for strength and comfort.

Thanks.