tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80192801571816597762024-03-12T22:51:17.277-07:00Hollee's Weight Loss Success Story ((in progress))For the Band I will not grieve because I've been Sleeved!Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.comBlogger378125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-25322666238108297422023-08-25T09:07:00.000-07:002023-08-25T09:07:24.194-07:00Life ....or Something Like it<p> There was once a time that my blog was therapy to me. It seems now I neglect my blog for actual therapy- but that is probably a good thing. It has been 2 years since I wrote a post. It isn't for lack of wanting to, I just don't want to be fake on here, and there were times that I felt like I could not be transparent or myself, so I chose not to write. It was nothing to do with weight loss/gain- I will always be transparent there, but my life was a little upside down and sideways at times over the last few years. I am finally at a place that I can be me, so here I am again.</p><p>Being me isn't all pretty- but it's honest.</p><p>The last two years have been...busy.</p><p>I had my skin removal surgery on January 27, 2022. I'm almost 19 months post-op, and it was hell! The surgery itself went great:</p><p>-Lower Body Lift with Belt Lipectomy</p><p>-Breast Lift with Augmentation</p><p><br /></p><p>The healing process was the hardest. I didn't feel like "myself" for about 6 months and that is something I was not prepared for, nor was I prepared for the weekly visits with wound care for the spots that wouldn't heal. All is healed now and I have scars, but I also have a body that I feel confident in.</p><p><br /></p><p>I got married in March!!!! Yes, to Mr. Banker- for any long time readers (aka Ray). He proposed on New Year's Eve and after a few days, we randomly settled on March 18. 10 weeks to plan a micro-wedding! We weren't going to have a wedding, but my dad expressed his disappointment in that idea and we decided it would be a good move for business purposes and went for it. The date was going to be March 18 or later in May, because those were our only available dates at our mountain home, and we chose March. We didn't know why. We just both felt like it was right. I'm so thankful we did, as my dad passed away unexpectedly 6 weeks after our wedding, at only 57 years old.</p><p><br /></p><p>Can I just say that grief is a real bitch? I can't even really put into words what all of this feels like. But if you know, you know. For the long time readers, you may also know that I have had a difficult relationship with my dad. It was better the last few years than ever in my life- and certainly best in my adult life. He grew to very much love Ray and considered him a son. The Sunday before he died, he was proudly teasing me that he could "officially" call Ray his son now. It will be a bittersweet memory for the rest of my life- he was so proud and I'm just sad he didn't get to have that for longer.</p><p><br /></p><p>So now I am in a different phase of healing. Trying to heal from grief, but I'm not sure that this type of wound heals- maybe we just learn to process it and live with it. I gained weight after my dad died- about 15 pounds. So I'm here again, struggling with my weight but still 120 pounds lighter than I was when I began this blog. I am trying to remind myself that not taking care of his body is the reason for my dad's untimely death, and that I need to do better for myself and my children. I don't think there will ever be a time that I don't struggle with my weight, but I will keep this reminder to take care of my body with me.</p><p><br /></p><p>Monday I'm starting Burn Boot Camp again. This time I have a neighbor who will start with me, which helps for accountability.</p><p><br /></p><p>Hopefully my next post can be a little more upbeat! </p>Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-89048448734669842302021-08-23T09:03:00.000-07:002021-08-23T09:03:29.865-07:00I HAVE A DATE<p> A date for skin removal, that is!</p><p>I got my updated quote back from the surgeon in Mexico... his results are AMAZING and the price just can't be beat. For all procedures, he costs less than one of the procedures in the US. I really expected his prices to go up significantly due to his popularity (he's booking 11 months out right now!) but it only went up about $900 since last time I got a quote from him.</p><p>But the best news of all of this... I decided to proceed with my deposit and when I sent it, I was careless and accidentally added an extra 0 to the end. This left me basically paying for my surgery in full rather than just making the deposit (I owe $1000 more). When I called the office to explain what happened and request my surgery date, due to my mistake, they were willing to move me WAYYYYY up the list. Instead of having surgery in July/Aug 2022, they gave me a date of.....</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>JANUARY 27, 2022. </p><p><br /></p><p>Whhhhhhat?!!?</p><p><br /></p><p>That's 5 months away! I'm super excited, nervous, scared.... but mostly I'm just thankful to have the ability to do it- both financially and the (reluctant) support of my partner. I don't think Mr. Banker is super thrilled- he has never cared either way if I have the surgery or not from an aesthetic standpoint, but I know he worries about me having surgery so far away and especially now with COVID on the rise. I'm just going to hope that COVID stays controlled enough to be able to do it on January 27. Now I have even more of a reason to keep to this diet!</p>Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-73521311437902801562021-08-03T07:54:00.001-07:002021-08-03T07:54:50.186-07:00Skin Removal<p> This year makes 9 years since my initial surgery. At my lowest, I had lost 160 pounds! I currently sit at about 130 pounds down, and am close to a healthy/maintainable weight again. My body has been through hell- don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for it! I love this body. I love that it has given me two beautiful children. I love that it endured the struggle of carrying so much excess weight until I was ready to let it go. I love that it carries me through life well and allows me to run and play with my kids now.</p><p><br /></p><p>What I don't love is the person I see in the mirror. I don't love my stomach, or my breasts, or my legs, or my arms. I don't love that the trauma of being 344 pounds 10 years ago left my body different than the average 33 year old woman. I started thinking of skin removal before I ever even lost the weight, and now here I am looking further into it when I thought it was attainable, and finding out that it may not be.</p><p><br /></p><p>I've had a number of consultations in the last couple of months. There are so many different options out there, and I've considered everything from medical tourism to financing. </p><p><br /></p><p>I've looked locally (close enough anyway, Greensboro, NC and Durham, NC). I've looked in Miami, FL and Salt Lake City, UT. And I've received a quote from an amazing surgeon in Tijuana, MX. The doctor in Mexico would be my first choice as far as skill and cost, but the idea of being so far from my family for surgery is anxiety inducing. Plus he is booking out 10-12 months at this point, so the idea of waiting a year for surgery is not ideal. All other options at this time seem off the table and I'm really disappointed. I keep going through the motions to get through the consult and it is starting to seem like it isn't going to happen.</p><p><br /></p><p>Just feeling kind of discouraged and needed to put those feelings somewhere.</p>Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-50707084246827179812021-07-30T05:42:00.000-07:002021-07-30T05:42:13.531-07:005 weeks in<p>I keep writing something and deleting it. I've done this 3x so I'm just going to make this short and simple. A number for accountability sake, and because I often forget where I was last week or the week before. I thought I hadn't lost any weight since my last post, but looking back, I see that I have.</p><p>I'm 15.8 pounds down since beginning this reset (-126.4 from highest weight). </p>Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-21387250040888924362021-07-12T13:01:00.002-07:002021-07-12T13:03:43.862-07:00Post Vacation Update<p> I thought I hadn't lost much weight on vacation, until I just came back here to see that my last post said I was down 8.2 pounds. Today I'm down 12 pounds in the last two weeks, so I will call it a win!</p><p>I wasn't terrible on the first half of the vacation, as I mentioned our friends are fairly healthy. We were pretty good with food, until we had a seafood night on our last night there. I felt pretty good about it, but then I spent the weekend with my friend from out of the country and we drank most of our calories. Fun Fact: Did you know that drinking alcohol while dieting slows progress because your body works harder to metabolize alcohol, therefore slowing fat loss? (Yes I do still drink, but have made a conscious effort to drink far less over the last few weeks.)</p><p>All in all, I will take a pretty decent loss over the last week to mean I did SOMETHING right.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM1ZVC02Ikao8-8KxBmqsRBlmmycJZR86x5664D_UDUPjLZga1k9Xips38gEAkXK_EIoVl0fb6hNWmbfbM1sUtxOVZgmqakwzLWSoYJI8oijDDeM3bRH0el3z1ezl6gZ2CErdsSze5I_-f/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="1536" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM1ZVC02Ikao8-8KxBmqsRBlmmycJZR86x5664D_UDUPjLZga1k9Xips38gEAkXK_EIoVl0fb6hNWmbfbM1sUtxOVZgmqakwzLWSoYJI8oijDDeM3bRH0el3z1ezl6gZ2CErdsSze5I_-f/" width="240" /></a></div><br />The left photo was taken the Friday before we began our diet, and on the right was taken today. For me, seeing physical proof that lowering the scale helps keep me going. Pretty sure I see it a little :)<p></p><p>Our friends from Wilmington are coming here this weekend though, so it will be much like the vacation has continued.... but I can't stop living for my diet. So I will just keep pushing forward and enjoying the days where I don't stick to the plan 100%.</p>Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-88855424953281713632021-06-30T06:20:00.004-07:002021-06-30T06:20:46.815-07:00In case you're new here<p>Instead of having to read through a decade of posts, here is what you missed:</p><p><br /></p><p>In September 2012, I had LabBand surgery at 344.4 pounds. I lost 120 pounds but my band leaked.</p><p>I petitioned my insurance for approval to revise to RNY gastric bypass, but my insurance company messed up and only approved Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. I was tired of the 6 month fight so I did it, against my surgeon's warning that I would need to revise again. <b>I could be the exception right?</b></p><p>I had VSG in September 2014.</p><p>I had a baby in November 2015, no weight gain.</p><p>I started vomiting blood by November 2016 from extreme GERD due to the VSG surgery.</p><p>I petitioned my insurance for approval to revise to Gastrojejunostomy (another name for RNY, but used when it is GERD related, and not for weight loss). It was again, a huge fight. I didn't know if I was actually having surgery until AFTER they had already admitted me and started my IV.</p><p>I revised to RNY (gastrojejunostomy) in April 2017.</p><p>I went to my 4-week follow-up from surgery, <b>4 weeks pregnant.</b> oops (except it wasn't an accident).</p><p>My second baby was born in January 2018, and came with a 40 pound weight <b>loss</b>.</p><p>At this point, I weighed 164 pounds. I was THIN.</p><p><br /></p><p>Now I've gained and my goal is to get back to 185-190 pounds. I am so uncomfortable with putting the actual number here, that I'd rather just make you do the math. I have at least <b><u>30 pounds</u></b> to lose at this point.</p><p><br /></p>Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-90296043177906411232021-06-30T05:58:00.001-07:002021-06-30T05:58:23.357-07:00Almost Vacation<p> While it is getting easier each day, I recognize that one issue for me is a change in routine. I can be on track, killing the nutrition and exercise (which I haven't added yet) every day of the week, but a change in my schedule is pretty hard to overcome. I survive on routine. Every day looks kind of the same for me and that is what works in my life.</p><p>And as much as I want to get away from my house, and my dogs, and my work, I also know that those factors help drive my success. Having access to my own food and cookware, walking the pups, and staying on a schedule. So while this upcoming break is much desired, it is also a little anxiety inducing on the nutrition front.</p><p>We're going to visit our friends at the coast on Saturday until Wednesday. I can't wait to have a few days with Mr. Banker's godsons and our boys together, time on the beach, and time off work. I changed jobs in March and it has been a much bigger adjustment for me than I expected, especially given that I was returning to a company that I began my career with. Nonetheless, it has been crazy, so this vacation is much needed but will also come with a price. I know I will come back to a shit storm, but it will have been worth it.</p><p>The couple we're visiting is pretty health conscientious so hopefully I will at least maintain the loss while I'm there. By the way, it's day 9 and I'm 8.2 pounds down. If that doesn't tell me I was doing something VERY wrong before, Idk what will. I wasn't counting calories. I wasn't exercising (and still am not really). And I was clearly overeating (and over drinking) significantly. The one nice thing about our visit to the coast is that our friends have a pool and live close to the beach, so I imagine there will be some form of exercise every day. It could be a good way to get into that routine in an easy way. I know Mr. Banker is sick of my turkey bacon, egg white, salsa breakfast, and he can eat whatever he wants while we are there, but I am planning to go to the grocery store when we arrive and at least keep that one meal consistent. I likely won't have much say over lunch and dinner, but I can always choose the healthiest options available. Here's to crossing my fingers. Two more days until vacation!</p>Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-38061159575105826272021-06-28T06:25:00.001-07:002021-06-28T06:25:13.664-07:00Week 2<p> One week down!</p><p><br /></p><p>6.6 pounds down!</p><p><br /></p><p>And it is certainly getting easier!</p><p><br /></p><p>The wins keep coming :). </p><p><br /></p><p>We had a pretty good weekend and I did relax a little on the diet, especially Satrurday. We had date night, which meant dinner and drinks out. I had far too many calories from alcohol but otherwise I was pretty good. I didn't overeat at dinner and it really helped me enjoy the night more.</p><p>Yesterday I made up for the over indulgence of alcohol by sticking to a pretty strict diet. I also forgot to eat because I was in the garage for a large part of the day working on a project for our back porch. Staying busy helps and the hunger is regulating itself a little too.</p><p><br /></p><p>It is a little discouraging that my weight hasn't moved since Thursday, but I think I need to try to find some patience, because 6.6 pounds down in one week isn't insignificant. </p>Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-77291929800065136402021-06-23T11:07:00.002-07:002021-06-23T11:07:23.034-07:00Day 3<p> Getting back on track sucks. </p><p><br /></p><p>Regardless, I am determined to do it. And I'm here telling you that it sucks, so that in a week or so, when my body has detoxed all the crap I've been putting in it, and I'm feeling better, you will believe me that it DOES get better. Because if I accomplish showing just one person that you can do it, then I've done something worthwhile. Even if that person is myself.</p><p><br /></p><p>I weighed myself this morning and found the scale 5 pounds lighter than when I started Monday. That sounds great, but I suspect it has a lot to do with water weight. I'll take it though. If it helps keep me motivated, I will convince myself that this self-torture is worth it.</p><p><br /></p><p>If you are looking to come along on this journey with me, feel free to find me on the MyFitnessPal app (username holleealexandria) to see what I'm eating and follow along for meal ideas.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-12207246543858226072021-06-22T07:04:00.004-07:002021-06-30T06:05:37.191-07:00I'm back.... and getting back on track<p> Well blog friends, here I am. I'm back. I wrote a post a month or so ago saying that I was giving this blog up after 3 years of neglect. But here I am. Why?</p><p><br /></p><p>Well, I believe that success comes with forming habits. What was I doing when I was successful at losing weight? Counting calories, moving more, and blogging. I think the blogging really just comes with accountability, so I'm trying it again, along with the other two.</p><p><br /></p><p>Plus, I don't think all of my friends want to hear about how fucking hungry I am 24/7. Mr. Banker (ahem, Mr. Branch Manager now!) gets it, because he's trying to get back on track with me, and we complain to each other, but I just need to bitch a little more. <b>Oh, by the way, I guess this was my subtle way to tell you all that Mr. Banker and I got back together 2 years ago. Surprise!</b></p><p><br /></p><p>Over the last 2.5 years I have gained. I don't even want to put the actual number down. After my youngest was born, I was SKINNY. I lost so much weight during the pregnancy, and then breastfeeding. I got to a weight that was really unreasonable for me to maintain. So when I gained the first 20 pounds it was no big deal. And if I'd stopped with that, I would've been good with it. Because that was truly a healthy weight for me. In fact, at that 20 pound up mark, I ran into my surgeon at the nail salon and he smiled at me and he said "Hollee, you look really healthy. I'm so proud of you." That was the biggest compliment to me. My surgeon is NOT someone who gives compliments freely. If you read my blog from the beginning, you may remember that he did not exactly give me the warm fuzzies in the beginning because he is just so blunt and dry.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I stayed at that 20 pound up mark for a while and I felt good there. But then Mr. Banker and I got back together and we packed on the happy pounds. About 20 happy pounds each. We were chunky and happy together for a while, until we got tired of being tired and lazy. Last summer when we moved, we each lost our 20 extra pounds during our move (we bought a house together!) but slowly, through COVID quarantine, it creeped back on. So here we are, both needing to lose 20-30 pounds and we began our 'back on track' diet yesterday.</p><p><br /></p><p>After dinner, we went to the 3rd story, because it's so far from the kitchen that we're unlikely to snack. But we sat there hungry. We went to bed, and talked about how hungry we were. We woke up thinking about how hungry we were. It sucks. It will get better - I hope. I'll check back in and bitch some more later.</p>Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-48908221945354616652018-04-05T19:32:00.000-07:002018-04-08T19:16:48.260-07:00RNY... a year laterWow... it's been a year since I've written. I never updated you on my revision (2.0), and I'm only here because it's possible my info could be helpful to others so I thought I'd write a quick update to share.<br />
<br />
On 4/19/17, I was revised from vsg to rny. I'm finally the wls I should've had from the beginning. The recovery was the worst. Partially though, because they did in fact not allow me any pain medication. But I made it.<br />
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And surprise... the day I went back for my two week check up, I was pregnant. I had been trying for some time via donor sperm and this particular time I'd been careless with counting days, hadn't taken ovulation tests, but there I was... pregnant. Right after surgery. I hid my pregnancy for a while from the public, which is a huuuge reason i never updated the blog after surgery.<br />
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I am now the lightest I've ever been... 161 (starting was 344.4). I'm healthy, with no further reflux. And I'm just living life with my boys.Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-51817924760185260312017-04-10T07:33:00.000-07:002017-04-10T07:33:32.773-07:00Here we go again.... Revision 2.0Hi everyone... I've been dreading writing this blog. But I've always wanted to be transparent, so I'm writing it. I also don't want anyone to feel alone, and the few instances of my situation that I've read from other people give me such a sense of solidarity, that I want to give that to someone else.<br />
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5 years ago, my surgeon suggested I have gastric bypass instead of the lapband. I was too scared and I said no.<br />
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2.5 years ago when it became clear that my band was failing, my surgeon suggested I revise to gastric bypass. I said yes. I learned that I needed to trust my surgeon, and so I got on board. It was the day before surgery when my insurance said NO. I was beyond frustrated and went forward with the sleeve even though my surgeon warned me that I may need further surgery if I had the sleeve due to already having GERD.<br />
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So here we are now, and I'm revising- yet again.<br />
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As soon as I was sleeved, the reflux got worse almost immediately. My doctor switched me from Omeprazole to Protonix 40 mg and that seemed to help A LOT. Then I got pregnant with Xavier and I could hardly eat, so I didn't have much reflux at all. Once he was born, the reflux returned and my doctor increased my Protonix to 80 mg/ day. It helped for almost a year. I could tell my reflux was getting bad around Christmas 2016. I didn't notice at first really, until I realized I'd gone through a small bottle of chewable antacids in 3 days... that made me step back and re-evaluate. So I tried to go a few days without my supplemental chewables, and realized I couldn't without pain.<br />
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In the end of January, I woke up one morning with a little blood on my pillow. It was very light and I wasn't sure where it was coming from. It wasn't until later that I realized the recurrent blood on my pillow was so light because it was mixed with saliva. Then in February 2017, I had a really bad day of reflux where I had to take the day off work, it was so bad. And then the vomiting started. There was a good amount of blood in it and it terrified me. I called my surgeon's office and made an appointment, but I already knew what he was going to say.<br />
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I knew he was going to tell me that revision was my only option. That is basically what he told me, and ordered a battery of tests to confirm.<br />
<br />
Upper GI with X-Ray<br />
Upper Endoscopy with BRAVO pH Monitoring<br />
Manometry Testing<br />
<br />
All tests showed the same conclusion. My esophagus and even my swallowing are suffering as a result of being sleeved. So, next week, I will be having gastrojejunostomy surgery, which in other words, basically means I will be converted to gastric bypass. <br />
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I do not want to start over. This is messing with my plans for things I wanted to do in the upcoming months, but it is necessary. I can't live with this pain for another year, much less another 50+ (hopefully) given that I'm only 28.<br />
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I'm actually really scared of this surgery still. Every time I pull up to the exit where the hospital is, I begin to feel anxious about it. Especially after my surgeon told me that the hospital has a new anti-analgesic policy, so no pain medication will be given to me after surgery. I'm hoping there is some other relief he didn't mention to me. I'll be asking when I have my anesthesia interview Wednesday.<br />
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Another fear is that my milk will dry up-- yes, at 17 months my son still breastfeeds. I want him to be able to continue for as long as he wants (within reason) so that he can continue to get those good antibodies. I have to admit, too, that I love the bond we have when he's nursing. A calm comes over him that I don't see any other time.<br />
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All of your positive vibes for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery are greatly appreciated!<br />
<br />Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-88034125835780740312016-10-01T05:39:00.001-07:002016-10-01T05:39:12.122-07:00The struggle<p dir="ltr">I'm struggling.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I got out of my gym contract but my former trainer's words really messed with me. I've been attending the new gym here and there but I don't think it's quite right for me. I don't feel comfortable with the child care there so I don't think I'll be going anymore. I need to find something but gyms with child care are difficult to find.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I've contemplated running. A jogging stroller would only cost me about the same as a month's gym membership. I hate running, but I love the results. I always lose weight when I do HIIT cardio. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I hate that I let words affect me to the point of losing my motivation. I need the exercise mentally, but I just can't find the physical drive to go right now.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I hope I figure something out soon.</p>
Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-55216477160723172412016-09-20T17:55:00.001-07:002016-09-20T17:55:22.645-07:00A(nother) new start<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm an ESFJ (Myers-Brigs assessment).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My weaknesses, if you're interested:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<ul style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #4c4c4c; line-height: 1.8; margin-bottom: 17px; margin-top: 0px;">
<li style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">Inflexible</span> </span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">Reluctant to Innovate or Improvise</span> </span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">Often Too Needy</span> </span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Too Selfless</span></span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This basically explains everything that is wrong with me.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And explains why I'm so averse to change. I HATE change. And it feels as if the only constant in my life right now is change.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First, the end of my relationship with Mr. Banker.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Losing my church (also a result of Mr. Banker).</span></div>
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<span style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now losing my gym/trainer.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The good and bad news is that the owner of the gym let me out of my contract. That's good because I really don't think I could've worked out with old trainer again after last week. The bad news is that prior to Thursday, I really did like him as a trainer. I'm also losing the support of all of the women at the gym. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That's hard but I think this is the best case scenario.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My old trainer from 3 years ago opened her own gym. It used to be pretty far away from me, but I just found out her gym has moved just miles from me. It's similar in workout routine....</span></div>
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<span style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">45 minute</span></div>
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<span style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rotating body systems</span></div>
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<span style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Boot camp style</span></div>
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<span style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">but it's smaller. I went today and yesterday and it was just me and one other girl working out with me. I hope I can adjust to this change.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I really do need the exercise. It puts me in a better mental place than I've been in years.</span></div>
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Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-52553950676150147862016-09-15T20:15:00.001-07:002016-09-15T20:20:27.417-07:00Failure?<p dir="ltr">Today my trainer called me a failure.</p>
<p dir="ltr">It's been 5 hours and I can't sleep.</p>
<p dir="ltr">All he sees is that I've been at the gym for 2.5 months and haven't lost one pound. That's right.... Not one effing pound. On HIS nutrition plan.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Which I've felt wrong about since the beginning.</p>
<p dir="ltr">So I finally made an appointment to see my surgeon. He confirmed what I already felt. 1900 calories is too many. He told me to cut them down.</p>
<p dir="ltr">But he also said I'm doing great and i might have to come to terms that this is the healthy place that my body wants to stay. And I should be happy with that. Easier said than done, but I'm in a MUCH better place than I was 4 years ago before surgery.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Sooooo.... then I went to the gym tonight. Before class I gave my trainer a little summary of today's appointment. He was not at all happy with being told that his nutrition plan was wrong for me. Then he took it a step too far. He told me that he has 10 other weight loss surgery patients and I'm not only one not losing weight. The conversation ended there.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Workout begins and I'm feeling some type of way about the previous conversation. And that feeling just builds. Until I'm running and trainer and I have a second alone so I nonchalantly let him know that his comment bothered me.</p>
<p dir="ltr">After class was over, I wanted to let him know why. So I told him that comparing two weightloss surgery patients is unfair. We each have different circumstances, different surgeries, different surgery dates. I'm not the same as someone who is 12 years or 6 months out from surgery. Instead of backing off he told me he's only with me for 3% of the day and he can't control what I do the other 97% of the day and maybe I'm not losing because I'm not trying hard enough. And he doesn't want me to keep failing because that's a reflection on him.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Fail?!?! Me?</p>
<p dir="ltr">That's hard to hear as the 344.4 pound woman I used to be.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I don't even know where to go from here. The truth is, I'd probably quit today if I didn't have a contract. I do not want to see him. I don't want to high 5 him as I work out. I really don't know what to do....</p>
Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-46207679205481066552016-08-31T07:54:00.000-07:002016-08-31T07:58:44.583-07:00Just keep swimmingHi Bloggers!<br />
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I try to keep my motivation to blog, but it's really hard. I hate being a negative nancy, so I want to blog happy things, but life isn't all rainbows and butterflies. But I'm here anyway, because several weeks ago, a follower contacted me on facebook to tell me I have really inspired her and made a difference in her life. She isn't someone who ever commented on my blog or anything like that, so you never really know who you're inspiring.<br />
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I have been going to Boot Camp religiously, but the scale hasn't moved. I'm sitting pretty on this plateau, and although it's frustrating, I'm not surprised. My trainer has changed my eating habits and quite honestly, I'm terrified. He has me eating 1900 calories a day and keeping my macros at 45% protein, 35% carbs, and 20% fat. As a weight loss surgery patient, eating 1900 calories a day is SCARY. I can't help wondering if this is why I haven't seen a change in the scale. I have an appointment with my weight loss surgeon in a couple of weeks and I intend to have a very serious conversation with him about all of this. I'm 4 years post-op (2 years post-revision).... is my diet where it should be? Luckily I've been tracking everything for about 5 weeks so I will have something tangible to show him.<br />
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Life outside of the gym is hectic. I've been super sick for about 2 weeks and it's exhausting. Custody stuff is coming up next week as well. If you're the praying type, please pray that the best outcome for Xavier is the result of the upcoming proceedings. For now, I'll just listen to Nemo and just keep swimming.<br />
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With all of the custody stuff coming, I am afraid that breastfeeding may come to an end if I have too much time away from my son. I did a breastfeeding shoot recently to commemorate those special moments, thought I'd share some with you here.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio9spH803dbbGdQklz3Efa3fU6Z9wcrhYgXsY-2dg3pBVvuah7sYQR8HIvfKWRi0BvkCNz9-ImLmRQgPjYIIngcNDwzBCbd8HeAOPywXOgmpBlERVgnqjeLFBHw9ihNZtCXh1FcCFSsKGL/s1600/IMG_3727.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio9spH803dbbGdQklz3Efa3fU6Z9wcrhYgXsY-2dg3pBVvuah7sYQR8HIvfKWRi0BvkCNz9-ImLmRQgPjYIIngcNDwzBCbd8HeAOPywXOgmpBlERVgnqjeLFBHw9ihNZtCXh1FcCFSsKGL/s200/IMG_3727.jpg" width="133" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguTi5d2Z4R9JLZ2LwowFztYQbgvSPUReavY89al9gVR09sMLYYixX3zvxq8hy-JFS3BYucUjhtLUi5KRkYtydUB1h8cQrpr214z1r1TzluXK3TdSGlKikZxLIkqMe78BHEHpBscGHWwsBR/s1600/IMG_3737.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguTi5d2Z4R9JLZ2LwowFztYQbgvSPUReavY89al9gVR09sMLYYixX3zvxq8hy-JFS3BYucUjhtLUi5KRkYtydUB1h8cQrpr214z1r1TzluXK3TdSGlKikZxLIkqMe78BHEHpBscGHWwsBR/s200/IMG_3737.jpg" width="133" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-6aKwuREc8nKWyTurcPaGzMqCaqCe9bw5UGazsgBH54uw6zLsq5bL84YKbIq-ezApQZP4qCCS8IjmvRzBUh5GpdgOcxAZr_V8u6klWBhVDO52Cjswu_KMSxaKmJ9mUUjUbrzQFbPBlTwY/s1600/IMG_3741.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-6aKwuREc8nKWyTurcPaGzMqCaqCe9bw5UGazsgBH54uw6zLsq5bL84YKbIq-ezApQZP4qCCS8IjmvRzBUh5GpdgOcxAZr_V8u6klWBhVDO52Cjswu_KMSxaKmJ9mUUjUbrzQFbPBlTwY/s200/IMG_3741.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>
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Love how he's grabbing onto my excess skin in that first photo...</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSeFJhDt2AQ1Hyg8KWUdr_EYJKLKZGpiKo3V0UPqSob74gOLnT1K887tgPEXKATywF2wXzoQ4Z23jnhaltE2EgeES2WFFsgp9CUZJxXeQibp2A1wYoGEMhY0iRPf3IIWODCiPT_YLE4-4q/s1600/IMG_3749.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSeFJhDt2AQ1Hyg8KWUdr_EYJKLKZGpiKo3V0UPqSob74gOLnT1K887tgPEXKATywF2wXzoQ4Z23jnhaltE2EgeES2WFFsgp9CUZJxXeQibp2A1wYoGEMhY0iRPf3IIWODCiPT_YLE4-4q/s320/IMG_3749.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-17186898672974070422016-07-26T17:51:00.001-07:002016-07-26T17:53:21.958-07:00Bootcamp Addict<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Hi Weight Loss Bloggers!</div>
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It's my third full week of boot camp and it was EXACTLY what I needed.</div>
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I feel refreshed and renewed.</div>
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My stress level is better than it has been in a long time.</div>
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I feel like I am getting physically and mentally healthier every day.</div>
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I really lack self-motivation to work out, so the trainer lead classes are perfect for me.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisMIbrqi8vjq1DJIvOHloaUhnwwno3ySfONAO_7gTXEH1Lb87Ov4LMCUPjZB8-OPobcOqHw5K4gwrSuMJP3DTO-lHtaA31ad_bYUk9vyaNb-Y8S6BkFzIUg0uan0WTwBB8jTGR3huUdfPt/s1600/IMG_20160726_155110527.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisMIbrqi8vjq1DJIvOHloaUhnwwno3ySfONAO_7gTXEH1Lb87Ov4LMCUPjZB8-OPobcOqHw5K4gwrSuMJP3DTO-lHtaA31ad_bYUk9vyaNb-Y8S6BkFzIUg0uan0WTwBB8jTGR3huUdfPt/s640/IMG_20160726_155110527.jpg" width="360" /> </a> </div>
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In addition to the gym, I'm tracking my nutrition every day. I am actually doing really well.</div>
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The more I exercise, the more hungry I am.</div>
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As a weight loss surgery patient, that is SCARY.</div>
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But I recognize it is my metabolism speeding up.</div>
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I also know the importance of eating enough to produce milk for my baby, so I am letting my body lead me. </div>
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Last week I was SO hungry. I couldn't stop myself from eating. So I ate a pack of TUNA.</div>
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I DESPISE TUNA.</div>
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But I figured if I was hungry enough to eat a 3rd lunch, it should be something I hate.</div>
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That proves it was body hunger and not head hunger.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijEd1oPfUwRTq6rco6UYEMLCUe94Q8FbJM73If3r-0tgtNXWQ2CTkoSWjO491VlwZi4X3iHRWDGOiVAkCp6JFcRkMbCGOVSj_6gBlXZ2pN2TNpn4iM_F0DUVXIX4zW_p-3cmWb2GywDeI1/s1600/Screenshot_2016-07-26-18-48-00.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijEd1oPfUwRTq6rco6UYEMLCUe94Q8FbJM73If3r-0tgtNXWQ2CTkoSWjO491VlwZi4X3iHRWDGOiVAkCp6JFcRkMbCGOVSj_6gBlXZ2pN2TNpn4iM_F0DUVXIX4zW_p-3cmWb2GywDeI1/s640/Screenshot_2016-07-26-18-48-00.jpg" width="360" /> </a> </div>
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Just wanted to stop in for a quick update.</div>
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If you've been thinking about getting back into working out but putting it off, STOP!</div>
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GO!</div>
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TO!</div>
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THE!</div>
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GYM!</div>
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It isn't just good for your body, it's good for the mind. <3</div>
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Until next time...</div>
Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-91570525806681904132016-07-06T20:59:00.001-07:002016-07-06T20:59:15.652-07:00Back at it<p dir="ltr">The stress associated with breaking up, custody, and <u>work</u> is really starting to get to me. I got to a point that I wanted a drink every day after work, but I made the decision not to drink when alone in the company of my child, so that wasn't working out for me. So today I made the decision to go back to boot camp.</p>
<p dir="ltr">A new location of Burn Bootcamp opened closer to my house... About 15 minutes away. I used to go to a different location of this franchise prior to my revision surgery. If there's a Burn Bootcamp in your location, I recommend it highly. It's some of the most intense workout you can possibly fit into 45 minutes.</p>
<p dir="ltr">And I'm scared!</p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm terribly out of shape.</p>
<p dir="ltr">And let's be real, I'm lazy.</p>
<p dir="ltr">But I need to do something to help with my current stress level. Correction....i need to do something HEALTHY to deal with it. We all know there are plenty of unhealthy things I could do, so I'm proud of myself for choosing a healthy alternative to the daily glass of wine the minute my work day is done.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Tomorrow is day 1. Say a little prayer for me.<br>
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Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-83924011541639630482016-06-29T20:30:00.001-07:002016-06-29T20:30:51.749-07:00To my sweet boy<p dir="ltr">I'm so full of emotion right now, and I don't know where to put it.</p>
<p dir="ltr">The moment I first saw you, I realized I'd never known love before. As much as I thought I'd loved your father, it was nothing compared to the rush of love that came over me in the moments after your birth. I could hardly speak or move, I was so overcome by the feeling of love.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Each day that passes, that love only grows stronger. Your father and I love you immensely. Just because we couldn't love each other the way that we deserve, doesn't mean we don't each love you with every part of our being. I want you to know that you are my world. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I often feel apologetic when I look at you. I'm sorry that you won't know the love between your mother and father. I'm hopeful that one day I can show you blog posts of how deeply I fell in love with your dad and you'll know that you truly were made with the deepest love. I hope that you can forgive us for not knowing how to love one another, and believe that I did everything I could to give you the best life I could.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I love you, my son.</p>
Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-28167086420686155772016-06-02T16:16:00.001-07:002016-06-02T16:16:33.206-07:00Thank YOU!!<p dir="ltr">I still have readers? I had no idea!</p>
<p dir="ltr">Thank you for your love, prayers, and support. It means so much to me. This community is so awesome. The women i know through blogging have been such encouragement and support beyond weight loss and I owe you all so much gratitude.</p>
<p dir="ltr">As a thank you, I'd love to share some photos of my little love, my life, Xavier. Hope you enjoy his face ALMOST as much as I do!</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7jL8NMuXkU6ZDNbR8SOnLKPdeBC2z6_U4-o2u5llhACX8AjmH3zaU-26xk4b10TdHqa5XbpI1tvhOaoCMuB5YTbtNh2Wk7Yhapah8QJXyKp5l-fF53xvP2tH9cjPSAZ1LaDmxatgx7CGf/s1600/untitled%252520%2525288%252520of%25252046%252529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7jL8NMuXkU6ZDNbR8SOnLKPdeBC2z6_U4-o2u5llhACX8AjmH3zaU-26xk4b10TdHqa5XbpI1tvhOaoCMuB5YTbtNh2Wk7Yhapah8QJXyKp5l-fF53xvP2tH9cjPSAZ1LaDmxatgx7CGf/s640/untitled%252520%2525288%252520of%25252046%252529.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-A2de_Eao08k/V1C-Tcj17CI/AAAAAAAAWlU/s1600/untitled%252520%25252817%252520of%25252046%252529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-A2de_Eao08k/V1C-Tcj17CI/AAAAAAAAWlU/s640/untitled%252520%25252817%252520of%25252046%252529.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhqMfSxoQBeawdjMogwA2iCaefwaBRw5Isj7LBkKTwjB5QcWMOWx6QBeMZvF7JatqnKIXixicfBDR7ZTdPkKCFf1IcDKopBm54tBCtkh74DeRLcHR9OOP8UwTtDrVYFw5yeN2cKUXw2VkT/s1600/untitled%252520%25252838%252520of%25252046%252529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhqMfSxoQBeawdjMogwA2iCaefwaBRw5Isj7LBkKTwjB5QcWMOWx6QBeMZvF7JatqnKIXixicfBDR7ZTdPkKCFf1IcDKopBm54tBCtkh74DeRLcHR9OOP8UwTtDrVYFw5yeN2cKUXw2VkT/s640/untitled%252520%25252838%252520of%25252046%252529.jpg"> </a> </div>Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-40037435426714659002016-05-31T11:52:00.000-07:002016-05-31T11:52:06.053-07:00HeartbreakI haven't been here in a while. I have really been avoiding it. And I don't think anyone really reads anymore. Most of my favorite bloggers don't write anymore. <br />
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As far as my weight goes, I'm actually really doing okay. Considering everything I've been going through and having a 6 month old baby, I can't believe I haven't turned to emotional eating. It just isn't my outlet anymore. I find joy in my baby boy, in the love of my friends and family, in knowing I'm bettering myself...instead of one bite after another of food.<br />
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The last 5 months have been hell. One fight after another lead Mr. Banker to threaten to move out almost daily. The breaking point came when I saw a text message between him and a woman he cheated on me with while I was pregnant. I was done. I am done. I'm done being played for a fool. I'm done being anyone's doormat. I'm done giving everything I have to someone and receiving little or nothing in return. So that next day, I changed my locks on my house and moved most of his clothes into my garage. The day following, his friends moved the rest of his stuff out.<br />
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So, my world has been a whirlwind- and not in a good way. My heart is completely broken. I had all these hopes and dreams that I now know will never come to fruition. When Mr. Banker asked to move in after I became pregnant, I thought that was a turning point for us. Then when he delivered our son, I thought nothing could break up. I was wrong.<br />
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I'm trying to find the bright spot in this and know it is best to deal with all of this now while Xavier is young so that he won't remember it. Every part of me hurts over this, so if you're the praying type, please pray for strength and comfort.<br />
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Thanks.Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-48819469913662314852016-03-13T17:33:00.001-07:002016-03-13T17:33:39.013-07:00Follow-Up<p dir="ltr">Tomorrow I have a follow-up with my wls office. I'll see my wonderful, amazing, lovely PA Erica. I absolutely adore her. She is caring and personable. During the battle for my revision with the insurance company, she kept me sane. She participated in my lap band procedure, most of my 30+ Lap Band fills, my revision surgery, and my gall bladder removal. I think so highly of her that for some time I considered that I'd love to go back to school to become a PA.... She truly inspires me. That dream was short lived, when I remembered all of my student loans, but if I ever win the lottery, I could follow through. I'd love to be the light in a sometimes otherwise difficult spot for other patients as she has been for me.</p>
<p dir="ltr">So needless to say, I'm pretty excited to see her tomorrow. I'm excited to share my progress with her. Nope, not at the goal number, but yes- I'm at the goal. Goal: mother. Goal: healthier. Goal: happy.<br></p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm including a recent photo that I snapped over the weekend. I hardly even recognize myself.</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhchkzrqw9bhlHfPW4sBEsJSTemqrRUy70zsw_x7n6tCrq7VDlB78hh8p5IGvQKLBZtfbnzkUBN6hf0cZ_vfLt66Rc5wAvvx4gMRDwO_MSkFF4M5H5fmfCNjhyxpSlQO-rgmwUL41_OqCgl/s1600/IMG_20160312_134435636.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhchkzrqw9bhlHfPW4sBEsJSTemqrRUy70zsw_x7n6tCrq7VDlB78hh8p5IGvQKLBZtfbnzkUBN6hf0cZ_vfLt66Rc5wAvvx4gMRDwO_MSkFF4M5H5fmfCNjhyxpSlQO-rgmwUL41_OqCgl/s640/IMG_20160312_134435636.jpg"> </a> </div>Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-50734529530636548402016-02-29T10:57:00.001-08:002016-02-29T10:57:11.703-08:00My weight loss journey as a MommaThere once was a time that I needed my blog to maintain my sanity. I blogged every day sometimes. Now, I can hardly find time or inspiration to write. <br />
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A part of it is that the weight loss stuff is great. Am I at my goal weight? No. Do I care? No.<br />
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I'm healthy and happy and that is more important than a number on a scale or the size in my jeans. I have energy and I think I look good anyway, what others thing shouldn't matter should it? I feel like I'm in the realm of "normal" for the first time in my adult life. I still qualify as 'plus size' but what does that label mean anyway?<br />
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I can't promise I'll be here often, but I had something I want to put out there for any of you who are on the weight loss journey to become moms one day. YOU CAN DO THIS WITHOUT SACRIFICING YOUR GOALS! I'm 34 pounds lighter than I was the day I found out I was pregnant exactly one year ago this week. I have a happy healthy baby boy and everything I ever wanted from this weight loss surgery. Don't give up your dreams because you see other mommas struggling. We each have a different journey and it's completely worth it.Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-53989729859439145382016-01-07T12:21:00.000-08:002016-01-07T12:42:19.017-08:002016Happy 2016!<br />
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I hope you all had wonderful holidays and enjoyed all of the food and family associated with Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year and you're now getting yourselves back on track!<br />
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I had an amazing holiday season with my new family and somehow managed to not gain any weight. I didn't lose any weight either though and I'm okay with that. I am still pretty apathetic about my weight. I'm not at my goal weight but I feel good, healthy and I am comfortable in my skin. What more could I ask for?<br />
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Sure... I could ask to be a size 6, but how would that really make things better? I don't really think it would. I'm happy with my current weight and at this point, any more loss is just extra and a cherry on top!<br />
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I say all of that, however I did join a DietBet again. I was really successful last time at losing weight at winning money ($292!!!) so I thought it would be a good way to keep myself on track and keep me from gaining. I have to focus on losing to keep from gaining... I think if I ever got to goal, maintaining would be the hardest thing ever.<br />
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Anyway, I'm about 30# from the number goal that I always said I'd like to be at, but as far as life and non-scale victories, I'm right where I wanted to be.<br />
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After all, I had this surgery to be healthy (check) and to someday be able to be a mom (check!). I won't get greedy, but I'll keep working hard.<br />
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Our first Thanksgiving (above)</div>
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Our first Christmas (below)</div>
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My sweet happy boy <3</div>
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Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019280157181659776.post-32057522769349445642015-12-02T11:20:00.000-08:002015-12-02T11:20:19.800-08:00A ((crazy)) Birth StoryWell... I'm quite behind. Xavier is here! And he is 3.5 weeks old already. I have been so busy sleeping and feeding and changing diapers, and let's be honest, just staring at him, that I haven't written. <br />
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Xavier was born on November 8, 2015 at 6:21am, 20 inches long and 7 pounds 3 oz. He was born unexpectedly in my bed at home.<br />
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Yep, that's right.....<br />
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I woke up on the morning of the 7th and knew I was in labor. I felt different and my body just knew those weren't braxton hick's contractions. So I got up, showered, and decided I needed to go get my nails done because they were too long and would scratch my newborn baby. I went to the nail salon while Mr. Banker was at work...he thought I was crazy.<br />
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When Mr. Banker got home from work, I began timing my contractions. When they got to one minute each and 4 minutes apart, I decided it was time to go to the hospital. We arrived at the hospital around 6pm and I was excited to find out that my favorite obstetrician was on duty. They checked my contractions and said although they were consistent, I wasn't dilating enough so they sent me home at 11:30pm at 3cm dilated and told me to come back when it felt like the 'real deal'. I asked how I'd know it was the real deal and they told me I wouldn't be able to talk through my contractions and I would be calling Mr. Banker every name in the book. So home I went and waited for those signs....which never came.<br />
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I tried to sleep but I was in a lot of pain, I kept taking baths to ease the pain. It got more intense at 3am and by 5am I told my mom to go ahead and drive to my city because it HAD to be the real deal. I got in a bath again at 5:30am and had a very strong contraction that told me we needed to go back to the hospital, although I was still talking through each contraction. By that time I could not even walk and Mr. Banker had to help me out of the shower and dry me. I was trying to dress to go back to the hospital when I had the urge to throw up. I sat on the toilet and intended to throw up in a bucked so I wouldn't pee on myself, but the sudden urge to push overtook me. As I reached down I felt my baby's head and knew it was time. I screamed for Mr. Banker, who called 9-1-1, and delivered our son on his own, with just the telephone assistance of the emergency operator. He did an amazing job.<br />
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The firefighters and paramedics arrived 15 minutes after Xavier's birth and we were transported to the hospital. We were both healthy and all was well.<br />
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As for now, I love being a mother. There is no other love like this. I can't describe the feeling. It's wonderful, even with the sleep deprivation and feeling like his own personal dairy bar at times.<br />
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Mr. Banker and I have been off of work together for these first weeks and we're doing great. Promise to try to write again soon.<br />
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Holleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11857003316936234230noreply@blogger.com5