Monday, October 12, 2015

Emotional Eating

I've been eating my feelings today.  That's something I haven't done in a LONG LONG time.

It just shows me that I am still a fat girl in my head sometimes and I have to try harder to fight it.  That's why I'm here now, blogging.  To keep me from putting another piece of food in my mouth.  I don't even know where it all fit.  Before noon I had eaten

A piece of french toast

Chobani flips yogurt

Meat and Cheese Lunchable

A small piece of Broccoli Chicken Cheddar quiche

Where the hell did all that food fit?!

I don't know, but it went somewhere....

I got upset today over family stuff.  Basically, I had offered a bedroom set built by my great grandfather to my aunt and uncle.  I simply don't have room for it and getting rid of it was breaking my heart, but my son needs a nursery more than I need to keep that furniture.  I wanted to keep it in the family, so I offered it to this aunt and uncle who has pretended to be supportive during my pregnancy, but I now have a suspicion that it truly was just an act.

I offered this furniture to them over a month ago, and they still haven't come to get it.  It's been sitting in my garage for over a month waiting on them to come get it.  My water heater burst last week, flooding my garage, so I asked them to try to make a trip to get it out of the water, they told me to move it somewhere dry.  If I had anywhere dry to put it, I wouldn't be giving it away.  That's beside the point.  Anyway, they went to my father yesterday and told him I was giving it away, and also lied telling him I had gotten rid of all of my grandmother's crystal some time ago.  I gave a few pieces away 2 summers ago because I thought it was a nice thing to share with my female cousins, but I kept most of it.  Regardless, them telling my dad all of this did not help an already very unfortunate situation, I was called an ungrateful bitch, etc.  It just gets so frustrating trying to do the right thing and feeling shit on for it.

I know I was trying to do the right thing, so what anyone else thinks shouldn't matter, but it hurts my feelings.  I feel betrayed.  I feel like doing the right thing is useless.  But I know it's not.  And I know I'm still the better person.

Putting this here may only temporarily stop the emotional eating, but I'm hoping this emotional purge will help.

Friday, October 2, 2015

33/34 weeks update

The last week or so has been a complete whirlwind!

Last Friday my mom came to town for our baby shower weekend and then Saturday Mr. Banker's parents arrived.  It was so amazing for them to finally meet, and it all went really well.  Of course it sucks that my father wasn't there, but I guess this is just a fact of life that I will have to come to terms with.

We went to dinner with his parents, my mom, and my grandmother Saturday night and that was very nice.  We took them to Ruth's Chris and it occurred to me that I really just don't care about food that much anymore.  I didn't care what I ate or where (except that I did not want to go to this all-you-can-eat Brazilian buffet Mr. Banker suggested--for obvious reason).  That's a huge change in my life over the last 3 years that I am very thankful for.  I don't crave food and I can eat the same thing for days if I need to because it's for nourishment more than enjoyment now.

Our baby shower was Sunday and it was so wonderful.  We had so many friends and family there to show their love and support for us and for Xavier.  I may be partial, but it was one of the best showers I've been to.

A photo from the shower, 33 weeks pregnant.
The letters spelling XAVIER behind us were painted for the nursery by Mr. Banker's best friend.
I can't wait to get the letters hung in his room.