Friday, May 30, 2014

Help Needed again!!! Pleeeeeeeeease

If you have facebook, I need your help!

Click here to help me win my work's #WhereIsOckham social media contest!!!


I just want to thank you all in advance for your support.

I had a pretty negative response from a friend about it the other day.  It honestly hurt my feelings.  I've worked SO HARD to get to where I am.  I have posted 2 photos on facebook and 3 on instagram asking for likes to win-- I really need to win to be able to afford new clothes.  The friend said she's tired of me asking for help/likes to win.  Sigh.  I feel really unsupported which sucks because she's one of my best friends.

Anyway, end rant.  Just know that it means the world to me if you feel like helping out, and if not I understand too.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

All Geeked Out

Have you heard the phrase "geeked out"?  In case you haven't, it means someone is super excited about something.  Well I'm all geeked out!  ((Note:  According to Urb@nD!ctionary, there are other meanings to "geeked out" dealing with drugs, and I am NOT that definition of it!))

'Why?' you might ask?

Well I had an AWESOME meet-and-greet date yesterday.  The kind of first date that makes a girl optimistic that there is still hope for her after a string of bad dating luck.

This guy messaged me on a dating site yesterday and instantly I knew I'd like him.  The way he'd responded to things I'd written in my profile and after only a few messages he suggested we get together, and that he hoped I wouldn't think he was rushing.  Nope... I can't stand to have endless online conversations with a guy before meeting him.  It leaves little to talk about when you meet, or either leads to the "friend zone" if you've gotten to know each other "too well" during the interim.  So I told him I was up for meeting whenever was convenient for him, and he suggested a coffee or dinner date the same night!

Now we all know how I feel about first dates at dinner.  If you don't... go here (re: Date Disaster Blog Post).  It's a NO NO with my band.  So I quickly jumped on the coffee date idea!

I arrived before him, as I always do with an online meeting so that I am safely inside prior to the date's arrival.  When he came in I got up to greet him and he gave me the biggest bear hug.  The kind of hug you get from an old friend that you haven't seen in ages.  I LOVE a real hug.  I don't do half-ass hugs.  What's the point.  So he had me from that first hug.

25 years old.  A bit young for my usual, but I'm trying something new.  Light brown hair and blue eyes with glasses.  A little taller than me, even with my heels on.  The cute kind of nerdy adorable.

The conversation was great.  He was funny.  There wasn't much awkwardness that usually goes along with meeting someone online, except the occasional moment that I would catch him staring at me and ask what and he would respond that I was beautiful.  I like it, but it also makes me feel shy.  Don't worry, it wasn't in a creepy way ladies.  I can't remember the last time I had a date that I felt like the guy was as completely into me as I was into him.  This is a nice new feeling.

Here's to hoping <3

Friday, May 23, 2014

Phantom Fill

Did I really get a fill yesterday?

It sure as hell doesn't feel like it!  It especially does not feel like 1.2 CC was added, or that I have a total of 7.8 CC.  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Thursday, May 22, 2014

TTT -- Photo Edition

1.  For those of you not on my instagram... THIS happened yesterday:



2.  I love when people ask me "Did you cut your hair?"  to which my response is "No, it all fell off".  It really makes my day.

3.  I got to meet Erica last week when I was in California.  I love meeting blogger/WLS friends in person!  Erica was a lot of fun to be around :)


4.  I got fill today! Yippeeeeee! I needed it, seriously. I don't even remember what it feels like to have a band with restriction. I expect a lot of PBing as I re-learn how to use this tool.  She gave me +1.2 CC which put me at 7.8 CC in my 10 CC band.

5.  My weight is currently 243.  I don't even want to talk about it. That's +5 pounds since my last fill 2 months ago.  My PA was really happy with that.

6.  I asked about my revision request while at the office.  It was submitted May 7, so I'll hear back any time now, or in the next few weeks.  Fingers crossed.  I'm not getting a quick no, so that could be a good sign.

7.  Next Thursday I'm going to Philly for the day for work.  Any blogger friends in Philly?

8.   Julie had the greatest idea... 2015 WLS meetup/convention at Walt Disney World.  Who's in?!  I'm very serious!  The Band of Outrageous Babes yearly meeting stopped the same year I was banded--and I want to recreate it, or coin our own.  Wonderful Women of WLS Getaway Weekend?  I like the sound of that.

9.  I might have a new guy to introduce you all to.  He's a doctor and works with patients who have HIV.  We met about a month ago in downtown Raleigh and have spent some time together.  He's really nice, and although I'm not immediately physically attracted to him, he's good looking.

10.  Sister pictures from California:
Disneyland with my sister and her girlfriend

With Goofy!

"Trying on" some Minnie Mouse shoes

Group photo with Minnie

Sleeping Beauty's Castle.... get it?! 

Pool time with the birthday girl!  My sister turned 30!
Sister time!  I love them so so so much!

Monday, May 19, 2014

The Happiest Place on Earth

I somehow made it 26 years without ever visiting a Disney park. I can officially say that I can never claim that again! And that I believe everyone should go!
I love rides, but usually after a day at a theme park I've fulfilled my need for a while after long lines, the heat and humidity, and crappy expensive food. I want to live at Disneyland ha. There's just so much going on-singing, dancing, Disney characters- all in addition to the rides. And the fast-pass is genius! We only had to wait "significantly" (over thirty minutes) for one ride and it was well worth it. The animations and graphics that accompany some of the rides are just amazing... It feels like briefly living inside some of my favorite Disney films.
And for the first time in so long, I had no issues fitting into a ride!! That was a beautiful thing. I promise I'm going to overwhelm you with more photos once I upload them from my camera but here a preview.

Monday, May 12, 2014

Body dismorphia

 I've always been told that I'm photogenic.
So many times in my life that I think it's possible that I'm ONLY pretty in pictures.
Not in real life.
 
So I am going to California in 4 days to see my sisters who really haven't seen me since I began this journey.  I'm terrified, and I know that makes no sense.  But they've watched my journey in photos and they tell me how proud they are of me.  What if they see me and realize I still have SO FAR to go?  Or they think "wow she's still huge?!"
 
I'm clearly struggling with this and I don't think it even matters to them.  But it matters to me.
 
I went shopping for shorts yesterday.  And all I saw in the mirror was cellulite.  So I took some pictures and posted one in instagram.  I hated it the minute I took it and decided I will never ever be able to wear shorts.
 
Then when I got home and looked at the pictures, I realized they aren't TERRIBLE.  Yeah, I have some jiggle in my legs.  But it's not that bad.  My middle sister commented on the photo that my calves are awesome, and she doesn't give compliments freely, so I felt better, but that fear of what they'll think in person crept back in.
 
 
I mean, look at my butt though?!  lol
Gotta find the silver lining.  Maybe no one would notice my cellulose legs for the fantastic booty above them. I won't be going back to get those shorts anytime soon, but hopefully one day I can wear them.

Friday, May 9, 2014

Lucky Lady

2013 Dodge Avenger at 60mph VS stopped white Utility Van
 
 
I'm feeling so very lucky.
Yesterday for 0.1 second, I thought I was about to die.  The airbags filled with hot gasoline and as the firey sensation rushed over my body, I thought my car had caught on fire and I was buring alive.
 
And then a calm came over me and I realized I was alive.
I sat there in shock long enough that when I realized I should get out of my car because I was smelling strange fumes, the police officer had already had time to arrive on the scene.
 
As I stepped out of the car the officer asked "Are you okay babydoll?"
I have never liked being southern until that moment.
Very attractive young cop calling me babydoll.  I must have actually died and gone to heaven.
 
Anyway, jokes aside, I'm okay.  And I feel very lucky.
It is the scariest thing that has ever happened to me.
 
Today I definitely FEEL like I hit a stopped utility van going 60 mph.
Yesterday I was sore, but nothing compared to today.
But I am alive to feel this pain, so I'm okay with it.
 

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Birthday Blues

I've been feeling pretty sad since my birthday.  Not over growing older or anything.  I love getting older--- it sure as hell beats the alternative right?!  ha

 
Remember that picture?  If you don't, that's Mr. Banker's 25 birthday gifts of Christmas.  Things have been, to say the least, ROUGH between Mr. Banker and I.  But I thought after all I did for Mr. Banker, he would do SOMETHING for my birthday.  I can't even count the hours I spent coming up with 25 gifts, but I know it took me over 3 hours just to wrap them all.
 
He didn't even call me to wish me a happy birthday.  Last year he was the only person who called to say happy birthday--my parents, grandmother, sisters all just sent a text.  And I told him how much it meant to me that he picked up the phone and called.  This year, he did text a happy birthday message after I told him he had the day wrong and Sunday, was in fact, my birthday.  But he couldn't be bothered when I asked him to bring me food or advil later in the day. 
 
I'm really hurt and just feel so unimportant to him.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The Waiting Game

Now all I have to do is wait for denial.

Yeah, you read that right.

Everything is done for the insurance company after yesterday's EGD and we're ready to submit.  We are going forward with the plan that I will be denied.  My PA told me today that she will be sincerely shocked if I get approval this time, and if I do we will have to have some champagne (homegirl has clearly forgotten no carbonation for me)!

So what's the point, you might ask...

Well.... if (when) the insurance company denies me, they have to give a reason why.  That gives us something to work with.  Whatever reason they give for denial, it will give us a direction in which to make a plan.  Then Dr. Y will request a peer to peer review to appeal the denial with whatever plan we come up with.

I might know something next week?

And if for some reason I have expected the worst and actually get approval, that's freaking fantastic too!

Sunday, May 4, 2014

26 and Never Looked Better

It's been a rough start but at least I looked damn good. EGD in the morning.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Flashback Friday -- Birthdays Edition

I've been having a little pity party for myself this week.
Feeling sad over some things.
 
But then today I decided to look back on some past Birthdays.
These photos brought me a lot of happiness so I wanted to share them.
 
I can't wait for my party tomorrow.  I'm sure there will be lots of pictures to share on Monday.
 
21
 
300ish pounds



 
24
350ish pounds
 
 
 25
270ish pounds

 
As for my current weight, I will be turning 26 at approximately 240 pounds...  My lowest weight since becoming an adult.  I think when I turned 18, I was 265.